krmvgivv: (dip39)
Dipper Pines ([personal profile] krmvgivv) wrote in [community profile] entranceway2017-08-06 12:56 am

8 THINGS THE MEDIA HASN'T TOLD YOU ABOUT BIGFOOT (From Just West of Weird, the blog of Dipper Pines)

Okay, but seriously, what happened to Bigfoot?

Think about it: before the Rising, there were all these sightings and all this research and whole teams dedicated to finding out the truth about the mysterious Sasquatch. Now, do you remember the last Irwin who went to investigate?

Neither does anyone else. Her entry on the wall says "Starting my Bigfoot expedition, more later!" More later never came.

Using information I've gathered from the last great Sasquatch hunters as well as satellite imaging technology and what footage has been gathered from the areas he's known to haunt, I've developed a few theories. As with all my articles, I have to wait until I'm old enough to apply for a field license to get real answers. Until then, I'm stuck postulating, but I promise to deliver only the most well-researched postulating.

Anyway, here are my theories:

1. There is no Bigfoot and never was. I have to include this one for the sake of completeness, but come on. Obviously Bigfoot's real. The evidence is staggering.

2. Bigfoot was real, but he didn't survive the Rising. Considering he is, as far as we can tell, a mammal, and definitely over 40 pounds, we can't discount this option either. Bigfoot probably has Kellis-Amberlee, same as everyone on the planet, and he may have spontaneously amplified during the Rising, or been bitten by a zombie deer or something. This is the option my sister claims is "coolest."

3. This is the one I believe. Bigfoot is still out there, but he's gotten even more reclusive. I think he's smart enough and tough enough to not get turned into a zombie. I think he's waiting out the zombies, and eventually, some awesome Newsie-Irwin team is going to track him down, get pictures, and prove to the world that Bigfoot is real.

Unfortunately, that day hasn't come yet, but when it does, I'll be there, ready to show the world the truth.

Also, as always, I'm sorry about whatever title gets slapped on this. Stanfeed's authors have no control over what headlines we get, and I'm pretty sure my great uncle doesn't actually read my articles before posting them.
fancylad: (feels like a forest)

[personal profile] fancylad 2017-08-06 05:55 am (UTC)(link)
Doesn't it seem obvious that Bigfoot would've amplified by now?
2 is not just the "coolest" option, it's also the most logical.
fancylad: (to be a better man)

[personal profile] fancylad 2017-08-06 06:18 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, very true! It makes more sense than there only being one of his entire species. Alright, that's the most logical theory, then.
fancylad: (were still the same were still the same)

[personal profile] fancylad 2017-08-07 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
I think there are a lot of things that are simply accepted to not exist because it's more convenient.
Now that it's more dangerous to travel out into undeveloped areas, it's easier than ever for families of Sasquatches to hide out.
Though, of course, it's never wise to completely rule out the idea that we might be completely wrong.

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lifeisntfun: (Default)

[personal profile] lifeisntfun 2017-08-06 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh God, it's one of THOSE blogs.]

Or, there's possibility 4: Sasquatch never existed AND you push the limits of journalistic integrity!
deadshapes: (let's wreck shit)

[blog comment]

[personal profile] deadshapes 2017-08-06 06:45 am (UTC)(link)
bruh if i could hit the like button more than once. no one writes about the classic cryptids anymore.

my theory was always that bigfoot was just one of an entire species. obvs a species with a low population (probs endangered?) so like the one seen in that video from the 60s is probably dead by now but that doesn't mean there aren't others that survived.

there's this pre-rising movie called harry and the hendersons you should def check it out if you haven't already
deadshapes: (weird autumn)

[personal profile] deadshapes 2017-08-07 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
omg right????? no one talks about the jersey devil anymore! the rake! slenderman! texas striders! wendigos! hidebehinds! none of it! my blog's all about that sorta stuff, more cthulhu oriented tho.

and yeah i love the ghost stories bro hell the whole reason i subscribed was cause of the ghost stories, like a year ago i think.

yeah that's another thing, people assume aliens are like these hairless green dudes but why can't we have hairy aliens. like in star wars.

it's a comedy but there's a bunch of horror movies with bigfoot. bigfoot always seemed too friendly for horror movies tho??? i dunno.

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shorthair: it's a long way down (hold my head)

[personal profile] shorthair 2017-08-06 07:57 pm (UTC)(link)
( Normally by principle, Clementine avoids most Stanfeed articles, because they end up being clickbait or lies or whatever, but she's always up for adventure, and she likes the idea of Bigfoot being out there to be found some day. Just West of Weird is the only thing she actually enjoys reading. )

So are you hoping to go out and be the one who finds Bigfoot one day?
shorthair: (like glitter and gold)

[personal profile] shorthair 2017-08-11 04:33 am (UTC)(link)
And until then, you're planning out your future. Sounds like fun. What are all the creatures on your list?
powerofmabel: (☆ you are all i'll ever need)

[personal profile] powerofmabel 2017-08-07 05:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe he just wants to live his big-footed life in peace.

Still definitely want a personal interview about where he buys his shoes, though. Do you think he has to use a cobbler? Do those even still exist?
powerofmabel: (☆ but she died on the ground)

[personal profile] powerofmabel 2017-08-09 02:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe that's the problem. His shoes are too small, so he has to take them off after a long day doing whatever Bigfoots do.


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determinedest: (* Seems talking won't do any more good.)

[personal profile] determinedest 2017-08-07 06:01 pm (UTC)(link)
That's not 8 things.
determinedest: (* The enemy looks anxious.)

[personal profile] determinedest 2017-08-09 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
You could have thought of 5 more.
You've already thought about this a lot, right?

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