8 THINGS THE MEDIA HASN'T TOLD YOU ABOUT BIGFOOT (From Just West of Weird, the blog of Dipper Pines)
Okay, but seriously, what happened to Bigfoot?
Think about it: before the Rising, there were all these sightings and all this research and whole teams dedicated to finding out the truth about the mysterious Sasquatch. Now, do you remember the last Irwin who went to investigate?
Neither does anyone else. Her entry on the wall says "Starting my Bigfoot expedition, more later!" More later never came.
Using information I've gathered from the last great Sasquatch hunters as well as satellite imaging technology and what footage has been gathered from the areas he's known to haunt, I've developed a few theories. As with all my articles, I have to wait until I'm old enough to apply for a field license to get real answers. Until then, I'm stuck postulating, but I promise to deliver only the most well-researched postulating.
Anyway, here are my theories:
1. There is no Bigfoot and never was. I have to include this one for the sake of completeness, but come on. Obviously Bigfoot's real. The evidence is staggering.
2. Bigfoot was real, but he didn't survive the Rising. Considering he is, as far as we can tell, a mammal, and definitely over 40 pounds, we can't discount this option either. Bigfoot probably has Kellis-Amberlee, same as everyone on the planet, and he may have spontaneously amplified during the Rising, or been bitten by a zombie deer or something. This is the option my sister claims is "coolest."
3. This is the one I believe. Bigfoot is still out there, but he's gotten even more reclusive. I think he's smart enough and tough enough to not get turned into a zombie. I think he's waiting out the zombies, and eventually, some awesome Newsie-Irwin team is going to track him down, get pictures, and prove to the world that Bigfoot is real.
Unfortunately, that day hasn't come yet, but when it does, I'll be there, ready to show the world the truth.
Also, as always, I'm sorry about whatever title gets slapped on this. Stanfeed's authors have no control over what headlines we get, and I'm pretty sure my great uncle doesn't actually read my articles before posting them.