004 ✯ [video]

[assistanting]

[when the video feed opens, April is wearing a super lame witches hat the closet coughed up from an after sale at Spirit: The Halloween Store and a black dress. She's holding a broom.]

Hey Wonderland-ers, guess what? It's September, which means it's almost October, which means you're running out of time to plan for Halloween.

For those of you that come from some lame world that doesn't know what Halloween is: basically it's a night where we celebrate the gifts that Satan and his circle of whore-witches have given to us throughout the year by dressing up as creepy monsters, giving poisonous candy to children, and murdering people to drink their blood and offer it in His name.

[she smiles!!!! and then laughs]

Blood orphans.

[then she frowns, as if remembering something from home. give her a minute, and then she's back to your once in a lifetime chance to see april "happy"]

Anyway, obviously, some people don't have to dress up because they're already scary monsters, but, like, if they want to dress up as someone else, too, that's cool. As your supreme leader, I delegate myself as official Halloween Party Queen, and making this claim over a month in advance, so don't try to hold a cooler party than me -- [she stares into the camera meaningfully] That means you, especially, Wonderland. I will not be outstaged!

If anyone wants to, uh, help, I guess? Leave you name and preferred Wonderland-Halloween-Squad position here on this post.

Brace yourselves, Wonderland, Halloween is coming.

Comments

[video forever]

[goodwoofjames]

Something tells me that this is not what muggles normally do on Halloween. I think I would have heard.

[video forever]

[assistanting]

Well us "muggles" had never heard about Hogwarts until that woman decided to write her books so turnabout is fair play. Everyone can keep some secrets.

[goodwoofjames]

These secrets being murder, mostly. I see.

This is something all muggles do?

[assistanting]

Sure is. Our favorite hobby.

[beatupgrass]

Well, shit. Terra's more intense than I thought.

[he's gonna be really disappointed that none of that is true.]

[assistanting]

Best day of the year.

[beatupgrass]

Well, I can't miss whatever shindig you're throwin' for it if it's gonna be that entertaining.

video;

[oversight]

Not sure how much I appreciate the idea of blood orphans, April.

[ For maybe not-so-obvious reasons. BUT! he is... taking this in stride. A lot of what she's said seems unnecessarily ghoulish, but that's just the nature of the holiday, right?

Moving on. ]

Is that what you're wearin' for Halloween?

video;

[assistanting]

We won't love them any less just because they're adopted. Duh.

[but yeah ok]

If I tell you, I'd have to kill you.

video;

[oversight]

The suspense'll do that anyway, I guess.

[ Pfft. John still doesn't seem all that impressed. ]

You need my help for this?

video;

[goesdown]

That sounds like a challenge, Chuck E Cheese.

[ Challenge accepted. Crowley's not too shy to try to out-queen a girl. ]

video;

[assistanting]

"Chuck E Cheese"? Gross. Do I look like a big smiling beacon of childhood happiness?

video;

[goesdown]

No, you're much less terrifying and demonic.

[Video]

[outofthebreach]

[ .... What had he just listened to? ]

...Other realms have the strangest traditions.

[Video]

[assistanting]

I'm sure yours would seem just as strange if explained correctly. But thank you.

[outofthebreach]

Oh, I'm certain of it. Thedas isn't lacking in ridiculous holiday traditions. I can only imagine the rest of the realms aren't either.

So when is this... Halloween?

[Video]

[exceedinglybright]

Is that-- really how you think Halloween ought to be celebrated?

[And is that really how you think real live witches dress? Lily is slightly offended, but too polite to say as much, at least for now.]

The party might go a little more smoothly without poisonous candy.

[Also murder.]

[Video]

[assistanting]

We're only going to poison the children. And there's only like two or three of those here, right? Gnome King, Once-ler [not actually a child], those twins....

[Video]

[exceedinglybright]

I'm-- almost certain the Once-ler is an adult.

[Almost.]

Regardless of how many children there are, I'm not sure we should be poisoning any of them.

[April, NO.]

[video]

[singloversing]

Halloween isn't like, any of those things. What the heck is a blood orphan supposed to be anyway?

[He asks, but to be honest he's not entirely sure he really wants to know.]

[video]

[assistanting]

[april just laughs evilly in response]

[video]

[singloversing]

O....kay.

There definitely won't be actual murder though. Right?

[HE CAN NEVER TELL WITH HER.]

[Video]

[pottershotter]

[James thinks this is a lot funnier than his wife does, and laughs when he replies.]

Is that right? Funny, I remember there being considerably less murder and poison when we celebrated at home.

[Video]

[assistanting]

I guess you just weren't giving it your best shot. Go big or go home, lover boy.

[Video]

[pottershotter]

I suppose not. I haven't really got the constitution for murder. Satan'll be very disappointed, I'm sure. Then again, the less poisonous candy there is, the more of it there is for us to eat.