entranceway | 02 [accidental video]

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02 [accidental video]

[There's no warning what's going on before the video starts, just a flash of bright light and violent motion as the recording device shoots across the room and bounces off a wall, landing to give a tilted view of Jowan's room. It's not a particularly interesting room, nearly as stark and empty as they all start out when claimed, although it does now feature a small fire burning merrily in the corner. Not in a fireplace, which is probably why it's starting to spread quite alarmingly, but it definitely brightens the place up.

It's also probably the reason why Jowan is panicking just a little.] That wasn't supposed to happen!

[He stands at the edge of what the device is recording of the room and looks largely uncertain, glancing around the room for an idea of what to do before swallowing hard and taking a step forward, brow furrowing as he extends his hands and frost leaves his fingertips. The flames crackle loudly at the ice and Jowan closes his eyes, pushing more power into the spell until a sheet of ice surges forward suddenly, dousing the flames and leaving a good chunk of the room covered in ice. But at least there's no fire any more, right?]

I don't understand what went wrong! It shouldn't be this difficult. [He wanders over to nudge the ice with a toe and sigh heavily.] Why does this always end up happening to me?

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Jowan-- Hey, Jowan!

_{[Ring ring! Over here! The voice issues from Jowan's device still waiting to be noticed in the corner. That same poor, much abused device is currently providing Anders an off-center view of what he assumes are Jowan's quarters, now liberally decorated with ice under a sheen of smoke.]}

Did you start a fire in your room? Where are the marshmallows? Everybody knows you can't have a good house fire without them.

_{[Too soon?]}

[Jowan jumps like a startled cat the moment he hears an all too familiar voice, and Anders is treated to him scrabbling around trying to find the device that he remembers belatedly as being launched across the room by a rogue blast of magic.

He grabs for it and turns it towards his face, shooting worried glances between Anders and the mass of ice.]

I, uh... Did you see all of that? [Maker, just when he'd thought this couldn't get much worse. He deflates visibly at the idea that the entire mansion had been treated to the display.]

I didn't mean to, I was trying Creation magic but I got frustrated and then it... sort of got away from me.

_{[Take your time, he'll wait. Once he picks the device up, Jowan looks as guilty as a schoolboy caught setting off firecrackers in the privy, and the disbelieving chuckle Anders lets loose is probably answer enough. Suddenly he's glad they don't share adjoining rooms.]}

You mean did I see you almost torch your bedroom? Nope. The marshmallows were just a good guess.

_{[He chuckles again, unable to help himself. Imagine the look on Irving's face if he saw this now...

In hindsight, it's actually not that funny since if there's one person Irving's more fed up with than Anders, it's probably Jowan. He lets out the last of his amusement on a long exhale.]}

First of all, are you all right, or do you need an actual healer? And secondly, I hope you weren't practicing on anything alive in there. They're going to wish they had a healer, too, if that's the end result.

No, I'm fine. [Jowan answers, a touch sulkily since it's hard not to be a little hurt by the teasing. At least Anders isn't pushing it much further, so it makes him hopeful that the other mage may actually want to help out a bit.]

And I wasn't practising on anyone either. I thought I'd just try a wisp to start with, something small since I've never had much luck with Creation magic before, but I did something wrong. I'm not sure I'd have much better luck with healing, or how to practise it.

[He shifts a bit uncomfortably, glancing back towards where he'd been sitting on his bed.]

I know what people would think if I... did anything to myself to try healing it, even if it was just a small cut.

Lucky that your room'll repair itself in due time. If I were you, I'd get a mop and bucket ready for when that ice melts.

_{[He could have voiced what he's thinking, which is that Jowan doesn't seem to be doing himself any favors with the self study. Teasing is the good cop routine. The bad cop routine would involve a finger wag or two, but with the fire out and no one seriously hurt, it's mostly a moot point.

Anders has a feeling Jowan's heard every possible variation of "you screwed up" inside the Tower without him coming along and pointing out the obvious, besides. (And finger-wagging isn't really Anders' style to begin with.)]}

You mean to boost your spell power? Cutting yourself does tend to defeat the purpose of most Creation spells. You're thinking about it the wrong way around if you think you need a great deal of power to get the job done--it's more about finesse. Think chisels, not hammers.

Chisels? [Jowan's brow furrows as he tries to follow Anders' explanation, but while he sort of gets what the other mage is going for, he's failing to see how he could actually put it into practise.]

But if it's about being subtle, how am I supposed to learn that? And how do you learn healing if there's no one hurt?

[This is so much like being in the Circle again, Jowan can't help but grumpily drag fingers through his hair.]

This is why I didn't do well with Wynne's classes either...

Chisels. _{[He repeats it decisively.]} Detail work and a steady mind, that's the gist. Ever wonder why most blood mages make terrible Creation practitioners? It's not the sort of thing you can brute force your way through.

_{[Is this starting to illuminate where Jowan had gone wrong? His spell had probably lost cohesion the minute he'd started letting his frustration leak into his casting... and Anders seriously hopes there hadn't been any blood magic involved or else Cullen and Alistair are going to be unhappy campers when they see this.]}

Speaking as a spirit healer? Maybe don't think about using paper cuts as a contingency.

_{[Because it's kind of gross when you get down to it, for one, but also? Pretty much the opposite of subtle.]}

What brought this on? Decided to throw your lot in with the Creation school, have you?

I'm not going to start using blood magic every time there's some small injury! [Jowan snaps, the teasing obviously striking a nerve. Part of it's frustration with how he feels as though everyone's expecting him to do exactly that at a moment's notice but another part is defensiveness brought on by the book he's hiding. It's harder than he likes to admit to forget the demon's words, how blood magic might be easier, something to keep in mind if they decide here as they had in the Circle that he couldn't be trusted and with how he's already struggling, a gloomy thought that he can't shake is that he mightn't be good at any other magic anyway. It makes him more defensive than usual, and he wonders if this is what Cullen meant that he shouldn't ask Anders for help.]

I just want to learn and try to be a good mage. [He continues, taking a moment to kick at the ice again.] I thought maybe I could try being a healer since that's really different from being a blood mage, but I don't know where to start on anything and there's no teachers here.

I wish I'd just stayed in the Circle and let them make me Tranquil. Then none of this would have happened and I wouldn't have hurt anyone.

You're the one who started talking in hypotheticals.

_{[Not to mention the one who'd decided against tutelage in conventional magic in favor of blood magic to begin with. How is Jowan enjoying the view from that glass house?

But the Circle's to blame for this mess when all is said and done. If Jowan's pitiable, it's only because he's a product of his circumstances. The same circumstances Anders had lost almost everything to in his bid to get away from the arbitrary spectrum that constitutes the difference between a good mage and a failed one.

And Jowan's trying, Maker help him. Anders actually feels sorry for the guy which makes him sigh again. It's a sigh of defeat. He can't walk away now.]}

No, you don't. You don't want to be Tranquil. It wouldn't do you any good, or those you want to make amends for. And I wasn't trying to say your intentions aren't noble--it's good of you to be working on improving your magic. A fair number of mages wouldn't bother. You know what happened to Uldred. He lost sight of a better way of doing things.

_{[A fair number of mages--desperate and having abandoned hope like Uldred--would settle for blood magic and leave it at that.]}

If you're really serious about it, I suppose I could show you a few things. _{[A short pause.]} I mean, I'm no teacher, but I know my way around one or two healing spells.

I was wondering if you'd even want to, but Cullen said-- [Jowan begins, and then Anders' words catch up to him and his brow furrows in total confusion.]

What? Uldred? But he was the mage that spoke to me about... What happened to him? What are you talking about?

_{[Is Cullen Jowan's favorite person on Planet Wonderland now? With a suppressed roll of his eyes, Anders is on the verge of telling Jowan to quit prefacing everything that comes out of his mouth with Cullen says or Cullen thinks or Cullen blinked when the other mage abruptly changes track.

Wait... What does he mean, what happened to Uldred? Going crackers, starting an uprising, and getting half the Circle slaughtered is a rather hard thing to miss even for someone as seemingly oblivious as Jowan.]}

Is this you playing coy? I meant the trouble Uldred caused for the Circle. You must have heard about it on the run.

No? [The news is shocking, even if Anders hasn't filled in the gaps really and Jowan thinks he should have guessed it would happen. Uldred was a blood mage as well, even if he'd claimed it could be controlled and was simply a tool to make them stronger. Surely it would only have been a matter of time before he also met a bad end.

Jowan swallows and slowly moves back to sit on his bed, the ice currently forgotten.]

I didn't hear anything about any problems in the Circle while I was in Redcliffe, and then Lady Isolde had me locked up in the dungeon and I don't know how long I was in there for before I came here. I thought I was going to die there.

_{[He tries and fails to hide a wince.]}

Well, this just became awkward... More awkward.

_{[Jowan's spellwork going belly up across the entire network was already pretty awkward to begin with in a secondhand embarrassment sort of way.]}

Being locked up in dungeons are a poor way to stay up-to-date on current events, what a surprise.

_{[He's stalling and he knows it, having not considered the possibility he'd have to break news of the massacre at the Tower. Especially not to one of the few known blood mages lucky enough to escape the killing... whether that be doing the killing or being on the receiving end of the Hero of Ferelden's blade.

He takes in a deep breath. No use hiding it. Perhaps Uldred never betrayed the Circle in Jowan's version of Thedas, or perhaps it didn't happen in the exact same way, but Anders can rightfully say it happened in at least one version of events.]}

Uldred nearly got everyone killed. Turned into an abomination and forced the others to do the same until the templars were ready to poor oil over the entire place and light a match.

_{[That's where supporting Loghain gets you. Easier to focus on that and blame the blood magic than to think about the similarities between Uldred and his supposed future self.]}

You think you'd remember that at least. [It's a low blow considering how long Anders had been locked up for and how Jowan could imagine he wouldn't want a reminder of it, but he can tell that the other mage is keeping something from him and it's hard not to resent him that, even if it is a misguided response.

But then Anders finally does get to what he'd been dancing around and Jowan stares at him, shock stilling his tongue for a long moment.]

He did what?! But he-- an abomination? Really? [It's almost too much to get his head around, so Jowan focuses on it a piece at a time.]

What about the other mages? The ones who weren't blood mages? What about Alim, was he even in the Circle then?

_{[Oh, no. Jowan, you did not. You did not just try to compare a year of solitary confinement for non-violent escapes with a short stint in Redcliffe's dungeon for an actual crime. Anders' smile stays rooted in place, but it takes on a distinct ferocity like a smiling shark scenting blood in the water.]}

I was still in the Tower while I was locked up, that was different. You know templars gossip. I hear they frown a bit more strongly on trying to murder someone and earning your place behind bars.

_{[The other mage is mistaken if he thinks Anders isn't going to take a wrecking ball to that comparison on pride and principle alone. He'd been about to expound on the detail of Uldred's rebellion, but his annoyance turns his next words into a question instead.]}

Does that really surprise you?

_{[There'd been rumors about Jowan, about a little after-hours tutoring. Right this second it wouldn't surprise Anders to find out they were true and that Uldred and Jowan had been in league.

Either way, Uldred's actions had caused the death of some of Anders' friends and acquaintances, and speaking about their deaths earns a sigh, brow furrowing in solemnity.]}

Some survived, some didn't. I don't know an Alim so I couldn't tell you.

Edited (hurr durr punctuation) 2016-06-24 17:58 (UTC)

[He did and he regrets it after Anders comes down on him hard in response, realising too late that it was probably out of line, but the response makes him feel angry and a bit justified in return, and he instinctively frowns and folds his arms, preparing for an argument.]

Oh right, because when the Regent of Ferelden tells you that someone's a traitor to the crown and that he needs someone with your skills to remove the threat quietly, you're supposed to just what? Ignore that? Tell him to shove it? This is Teyrn Loghain we're talking about! I thought I was helping Ferelden and proving I could be trusted!

[Honestly, he's still not entirely certain that Loghain isn't right after all. He hasn't heard anything that would suggest that the man would lie, and it's just Jowan's concern that the Arl of Redcliffe didn't seem like a bad man that had stayed his hand. He doesn't feel like Anders will care much for that either way however, and especially not with that question.]

Of course it surprises me! Uldred was a senior enchanter, I thought he'd know what he was doing! I... I didn't think that the blood magic was right. I only tried it once in the Circle but it felt wrong immediately. That's why I didn't speak to him again about it and tried to put it all behind me. [He hesitates, guilt twisting at his gut.] I should have told someone about it, but... Uldred was a senior enchanter, and I was just an apprentice. No one would have believed me, and I'd have had to admit that I'd done blood magic as well. And then Lily found out that they were going to make me Tranquil anyway, so I thought that... it would be better if we left.

But I should have stayed, shouldn't I? If I'd stayed and tried to tell someone about Uldred, maybe it wouldn't have happened. And I wouldn't have hurt Lily either.

A man in a political position who needs dirty work done and an apostate mage who makes the perfect scapegoat. I can't imagine why he would've singled you out. Can you think of any reason?

_{[The edge is less prominent in his voice, but his eyes them upward like he's about to roll them and can't quite commit to doing it.

In the past, Anders had found himself wondering if Jowan was really as helpless as he seemed or merely pretending to be as a way of protecting himself. Every time they speak, Anders gets closer to believing it's the former. No one acting the part would lay the gullibility on this thick.

It's almost worse this way, that he believes Jowan when he says he hadn't guessed Uldred's machinations. That Jowan had blundered his way into bad decisions without ill intent behind it. It hits too close to home after what people have been telling him regarding Justice and the half-formed plan to do something meaningful with his help. How does he turn this guilt train around now that it's careening off a cliff?]}

Better for your sake that you did leave. Uldred was smart; a guy like that would have found a way to pin it on you and probably have gotten away with it anyway. There's nothing to be done about it now.

_{[Tragedies happen every day. If they get hung up on each and every one of them, they'd never get out of bed.]}

The point is, Uldred was only after power and he didn't care who he had to sacrifice to get it. With a little practice and elbow grease, you can do better than that.

[Jowan's all ready to get angry in return to Anders' sarcasm, but it's almost like the other mage's heart isn't in it and as he continues, the edge leaves his voice entirely and he feels a touch awkward for his anger and what he'd said. It probably hadn't been the nicest thing to dredge up, he can admit, and as Anders finishes and picks at the edge of the pool for a moment, thinking of what to say.]

Thank you, Anders. [He says at last, looking at the other man again and deciding simplicity is probably safest.] I'm sorry, about what I said. I wasn't in Redcliffe's dungeon for nearly as long and it was terrible, I shouldn't have brought it up like that.

Do you really think I could be good at something with practise?

_{[Perhaps the two of them should make a pact not to talk about their time in the Circle. Or out of the Circle. Or anything personal, really. It could get ugly if they ever fell into a real heated argument. Fellow Circle mages understand the same hardships and share the same injustices, which also means they know the weak chinks in armor, the places to hit to bruise the flesh beneath.

Anders isn't in the mood to open that can of worms by acknowledging the comparison had brushed against such a place. They'd both done it; they can both leave it well enough alone.

He considers Jowan's down-turned head, but by the time the other mage looks up, Anders has put on a blithe smile that contains no small amount of cockiness.]}

You're sucking up because I'm the best spirit healer here. You can admit it, it's okay.

_{[Better for the both of them to get back to what they'd been talking about--the magic.]}

Anyone can. That's why it's called practice. And it should be easier without the First Enchanter and the templars breathing down your neck.

[The offer of something like friendship surprises him, but Jowan finds himself smiling a bit anyway, a large part of him still craving friendships that he hasn't had in what feels like too long after his escape from the Circle.]

Aren't you the only spirit healer here? [He points out, a hint of teasing in his voice.] Or is Wynne hiding around here as well?

...actually, I take that back. She'd be cross with me I'm certain and with her and Cullen it would be a lot like the Circle after all.

Am I? _{[He knows it's likely so, but he pretends otherwise.]} Huh! Your options are looking slim.

_{[But please, no to Wynne being in a prison with him again. Nice woman, terrible nag. An older Cullen hailing from a time in the not-so-distant future where apparently everything goes to shit is quite enough.]}

You don't do yourself enough credit. I bet she'd be impressed at how quickly you can douse a fire these days.

Douse it and encase half a wall in ice. [Jowan adds, lip quirking just a little. While he's still a bit sensitive to any suggestion that he might be being made fun of, he is trying to relax more as Anders had said.]

Are you sure you'd even want to try teaching me? You don't need to come up with a reason if you'd rather not. Cullen didn't want me to talk to you about it for some reason so he'd probably be annoyed that I asked anyway.

_{[Anders doesn't have to make fun of him when Jowan is making fun of himself. His work here is done.]}

Chalk it up to due diligence. Would've been a shame to let the fire burn that lovely wallpaper.

_{[The room doesn't even seem to have much by the way of decorative wall decor, in truth, but that doesn't prevent Anders from making the joke. Another offhand Cullen existed remark tempts Anders into telling Jowan to stuff it once and for all--seriously, can Jowan be a selfish arse like everyone else and think about himself instead of the templars for once?--before the actual meaning behind the words processes.]}

... That so?

_{[So Cullen had known Jowan was looking for mentorship and hadn't wanted Anders to find out about it? That decides it. It doesn't matter if he thinks he'd be a good teacher or if he has little interest in being Jowan's babysitter, Cullen thinks he wouldn't be a good match--and that means now he has to.]}

Cullen doesn't think it's a good idea so that's enough for me. I'm in! We can work on a few spells.

_{[Thanks for your endorsement, Cullen.]}

[It might have occurred to Jowan already that Anders, clearly against most of what Cullen seemed to think, might be inclined to help just to be contrary. But even if he felt a little bad for the slight manipulation (even if it's probably obvious), Anders is a healer and healing is something Jowan would like to learn. If anything it's stranger that Cullen wouldn't want him to learn what he could from the other man.

Besides, while he mightn't always see eye-to-eye with Anders, he does appreciate what the other mage knows and can offer, and would like to get along with him, so he brightens visibly at the offer.]

Really? Thank you! But... maybe I should try outside next time?

I suppose I ought to pitch in when us Thedosians are so few and far between. We're the only ones who really understand what goes into developing magical ability. How hard can it be?

_{[Anders' self-interest warns him those are famous last words. But Jowan needs to practice somehow, that much is clear. If he's being honest, he can relate to feeling out of control and not knowing where to turn to.

Somewhere Justice is feeling smug. Look, he's helping his fellow mage, are you happy now?]}

That's probably a good idea if you plan on letting loose with your mana like that again. _{[RIP, garden. Jowan might soon burn you to a crisp.]} Get a hold of me once you're done cleaning up and we can meet. We can start from the beginning.

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02 [accidental video]

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