entranceway | [ text ] No more carols to sing

I. ACTION

[ Well, this is Wonderland. This, specifically, is Wonderland's beach, and, more specifically its ocean, which reaches up to Philip's knees. So much for a smooth landing, huh? He lets the icy water lap at his feet for a bit, because it makes a nice change from-- uh, hours? Days? Weeks? It makes a nice change from burning in hell, period.

He wades onto semi-dry land, eventually. So this was... what? An event? Another magical accident from the corner of unsupervised Storybrooke maniacs? Or, third. Christ, third. Neither the water nor the offensively picturesque snow landscape run down his back as coldly as that thought. That he might've actually gone home.

He lets that sink in, and sink down, until it doesn't paralyse him anymore. Then he takes out his phone, and heads back into the mansion. ]

[[ PRIVATE TEXT, TO EVELYN O'CONNELL ]] Hey, can you spare a second? Because I'm a bit weirded out, and not entirely sure what just happened to me. [ He waits. Gets impatient. Types the second part right away: ] Was I gone?

II. TEXT

[ First, he wants to pretend that the last few- days? did not just happen. Second, he picked up the words "sleep deprivation" and "other Wonderland", and still doesn't get the whole picture from the network. Which, all in all, leads to third, a controlled mess in the kitchen, and the following message: ]

Apparently I just blinked and missed Christmas, so I'm stooping to bakery to make up for it.

[ A helpful visual of some crunchy chocolate toffee squares with macadamia nuts comes attached. ]

First three batches ready for pick-up in the kitchen. Fourth batch in the works, I'll trade you for some good stories about the event I missed.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

you got to miss all the dreams of a future where we're all stuck in a literal winter wonderland?

yeah you're the lucky one.

[ --But really, how snide is he going to be about the whole "literally burning alive for ages" thing? Not very, probably, because that'd involve actually talking about it. Yuck. ]

You mean as opposed to now, when it's beach weather and we can come and go anytime we like?

i'm not even getting into the "everyone has amnesia except you" part.
really a good thing for the sanity, very healthful.

Coming from you that's|

[ ...a joke Philip would need more drinks to explain. A bitter laugh that ends with "you get used to all your friends forgetting your name", and started- years ago, with- Dean first? Daniel first? That shouldn't be something he's hazy on. Well. Either way, he reckons he might as well be grateful Tim took his sweet time making a comeback. Jesus, that'd have stung.

Philip deletes the line, unsent. ]

Better them than you, right? Or is that a 'if you can't beat them, join them' type of scenario?

[Probably for the best he never fired that line in Tim's direction. For the best, because people have been watching him - specifically, Georgia - and he doesn't want to give them any footholds in on his personal life.

And there's the matter of Philip recognizing him, which he's yet to understand in its entirety. Or at all.]

let me put it this way
if i wasn't losing it before, i sure felt like i was then.

[ That's probably as much as he wants or needs to know. Or cares to drag out in this particular interrogation session, anyway. ]

Fair enough. Santa bring anything other than severe psychological trauma? You still got stockings, right? Mine had bees ones. Great investment.

yeah, we all got stockings.
wish i had any clue what mine meant.

[Just a tape. A tape that didn't so much lack clarity as it did explanation.]

what do you mean bees ones

Care to share with the class? Maybe put it up for discussion. People here utterly love riddles.

Make that "bees once", so I reckon what I'm trying to say is there were bits of macadamia nut stuck between my keys. Also, that I got a jar of bees for Christmas, one time.

nothing interesting unless you feel like watching two minutes of a guy smoking.

[And...living. That had been the disconcerting thing. Living. Being there in the first place.]

do i want to know why you got a jar of bees and what you would even use them for

Do I want to know why you got the world's most boring home video? I reckon those stockings just don't pay much attention to our wish list, and do whatever constitutes as the magical equivalent of last minute purchases at the petrol station.

At least I set up a nice hive for my bad gift near the forest. I've been killing time with them for a few years now. Killing time, and making honey. Not sure how long yours is gonna last you to compare, but if you're into that sort of thing, I've got an endless supply of B&H and nothing but time.

wish i could tell you.

[He honestly can't. He can safely say that he's never seen a tape like that before in his life, and he's watched a lot of tapes. Not that the street corner or back alley or whatever it was looked all that familiar.

Another alternate future, maybe. Does it matter?]

and you haven't made any honey macadamia cookies since then?
i'm disappointed.

[He doesn't even know what that would taste like, but he wants one.]

Hate to break it to you like this, but I'm not usually the baking type. [ He'll leave that to his bloody Mirror, thank you very much. ] If it's any consolation though, I made salmon with honeyed mango salsa a few times. Great investment. I can cut you in next summer.

summer's kind of a long way off.

[Says a lot that he expects to still be there in the meantime.]

honeyed mango salsa sounds like something you'd only do if you were the baking type.
but what do i know

[ He's a second away from offering magical closet honey as a substitute in the meantime, when-- ]

You can't compare that! It's not even just no-oven, it's entirely bloody no-cook! Jesus Christ! Don't make me force you to take classes.

you eat raw salmon

[NOT THAT HE'S JUDGING. He...has no room to judge. Really.]

[

....Next question. ]

We were on the salsa. The salmon is a completely different matter. Christ.

All right, you're signed up for Cooking 101. We start next week.

purely on the principle of it huh?

[Can't say he'll actually complain at that one. It's something to do, right?]

Just accept your fate with dignity. You'll thank me later.

alright alright.
you wore me down.

[Too tired to argue anyway. What'd be the point in it, huh?]

just don't make me eat raw salmon.

The proper word is Salmon Tartare. I'll make you write an essay about it next time.

come on man i thought i was done with college.

[He dropped out. Through no fault of his own.]