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Hey, Sakamoto Ryuji here.

I can't be the only one with ass kicking on the brain after that invisible dog bullshit. What's the consensus on fighting instructors around here? Did that turn out to be a thing?

If anyone's got the time show a few moves and still taking requests, I got one of my own. I'd appreciate a few tips if you feel like sharing. I'm talking about the badasses that know what they're doing, not just the make it up as you go kind (like me). Hate to say it, but the stuff we're facing in events is a little different from what I'm used to.

Dunno what I could trade for it, but I learn fast! And I'll think of something. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

PS: And if you're looking for Akira, don't worry. Nothing bad happened to him. He just went home. Sorry.

_{[The last bit is the real crux of the message and also the thorn in its side; bundling it in with the request lessens the sharp prick of it. Not by much, but some.]}

I | Exercise facilities + outer grounds

_{[Anyone with an eye for blond phantom thieves can usually spot Ryuji adhering to a runner's training schedule, a carry-over from home. Indoors in the weight room, outdoors on the grounds, casual long distance jogs, short distance drills--he's at it most days, alternating between staving off boredom and building on his strength.

Usually time following an event are cool down days, a period to let himself recover from the trial of the week. Not this time. He keeps his foot jammed on the gas pedal with the restlessness energy of someone who has something he has to face but is taking every detour to avoid it. The request for some self-defense pointers had been practical--if the Tartarus event taught him anything (and the Asgard event before that, and the zombie event before that), he could use them--but it's also fuel for the avoidance fire.

Usually there's room for a chat in between squats on the beach or a friendly wave on a run, but don't take it personally if he seems a bit standoffish today. He's distracted, brows set in a flat line, viciously pouring energy into his routine with a nice, healthy contempt for the ground or the horizon, whatever he happens to be staring at.

If someone catches his eye, though, he'll forcibly relax, offering a smile. It comes a beat too late to be effortless, but that's hardly out of place, right? They've all been through a lot coming out the other side of the event meat grinder.]}

II | Training center

_{[Futaba. Morgana. Iwai. Yusuke. Ann. Makoto. Haru... Akira. How could he have thought this place felt small? With all of the people most familiar to him--people he'd shared the burden of events with, sat across the breakfast table with, lived with in the case of his two best friends--gone to fuck knows where, Wonderland feels infinitely massive and empty. He could handle this together. Alone, it's... it's hard. Harder than he imagined.

There's still Akechi, and isn't that the height of irony, to be the last man standing with Akechi Goro, out of everyone. He hesitates a while with phone in hand, Akechi's name in the To: field, but his hands aren't interested in sending more messages.

They want to make fists. They want to break.

Those in the training center will be privy to Ryuji, uncharacteristically stoic and grim-faced, slipping on a pair of gloves and squaring off with a punching bag with a frenetic violence to match. Either that punching bag insulted him, or someone didn't burn off quite enough energy climbing stairs in Tartarus.

The flurry is broken up only by a wince after a particularly hard punch. Peeling off his glove reveals a streak of red from split knuckles. Apparently someone also doesn't know when to quit.]}

Fuck

_{[Any gym rats handy with bandaids...? Alternatively, maybe you see him taking himself and his bloody hands for a walk to the clinic for something to wrap them with. He's probably not the only needing aftercare after that doozy of an event, even if his most recent war wounds are fresher.]}

III | Kitchen

_{[The thought of going back to his empty room in his empty section of hallway throbs worse than his bandaged knuckles. Suddenly it's like his first day in Wonderland all over again, not knowing what to do or where to park himself in a strange, unwelcoming environment.

He ends up in the kitchen, hungry but not really, searching the fridge and cupboards with a listless indecisiveness. He's probably standing in your way as you go to grab something--and will continue to stand in your way until prompted, or he notices you.]}

_{[And he'll slide to the side to let you get to your business, smile apologetic.]}

IV | Wildcard

_{[Ryuji'll be going about business as usual in Wonderland post-event, so feel free to come up with your own starter around the mansion and/or elsewhere! Or hit me up for a different one if you're not feeling the locations/prompts.]}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's even more reason! You doctors and nurses got your work cut out for you takin' care of the rest of us.

_{[By "us," specifically the hot-tempered idiots like himself so have to come crawling into the clinic, bloody and busted up...]}

About what you said before--that school. That mean you and Ishimaru were kidnapped together?

_{[That's a detail that's stayed lodged in his memory like a sliver. You don't forget the first time someone confesses they and their classmates are going to fight to the death on some murder island.]}

[She probably would have deflected his continuous compliments if he hadn't changed the subject. But he did, and her head goes down.]

... No. I was never in his class. I only met him when he arrived here in Wonderland.

Him, Sayaka, Mondo, they were in the same class... they were... they were in a different killing game.

[Which feels awful to say. How many had there been? Could anyone put a stop to them?]

_{[There's a pause. A long pause, like the quiet before a bad summer storm.

And then the storm hits, and it's a screechy jumble of words that rush out like hurricane winds, sending his voice up and down the vocal range like a prepubescent boy. It's a good thing she's not actively tending to him anymore, because he pushes himself up with his hands on his seat so fast he almost sends himself sliding forward off it and would certainly have bumped her.]}

What!?

_{[He recognizes all those names! Sayaka... and Mondo, what the hell!? What in the Jesus H. Christ is that guy's super skill, best imitation of a corncob?]}

All of you are from the same school? _{[He needs a minute.]} ... What's this about a different killing game?

Eek!

[Mikan stumbles back, startled, hands now at her chest.]

...Y-Yes! We are! There's even more of us... my classmate Chiaki, and another schoolmate, Ryoko... b-but... I don't know much about the other killing game.

A-All I know is that instead of being kidnapped, they were locked up in the school itself. Other than that... it was the same.

[She looks down, sniffling as she recalls that first terrible day.]

... Monokuma telling them, and telling us... the only way we could escape was to kill a classmate and get away with it.

_{[Later, he'll be sorry, but for now he barely notices Mikan's squeak, too flabbergasted by what she has to say about the state of her school life before all this.

It's one way to take his mind off of his own losses and grievances--striking him dumb with the senseless horror of someone else's life takes his mind off his pettier problems. One of his newly bandaged hands curls into a fist beside his thigh.]}

Monokuma? Who the eff's that? The person behind these "games"?

_{[The word is doused in an acid bath. Games, his ass.

One battle royale was a sickening prospect, but more? It's a recipe for an instant brain BSOD. What kind of fucked up psycho would torment a school's student body twice over?]}

But why... Why would anyone do that!?

Y-Your fist...!

[Dammit Ryuji stop making things worse. Like, everything worse. She holds her hands out, but doesn't try to stop him or grab him.]

Monokuma... Th-that's the "headmaster". It's what he called himself... He's the one who forced the game on us... He seemed to enjoy it... He found it entertaining.

[He's also a small black and white bear, but again, leaving that out because. wtf.]

P-Please don't trouble yourself like that! It doesn't matter since we're in Wonderland! We're safe from him here!

_{[Fist, wha--? Split skin newly sealed by the ointment starts to crack open again with a fresh sting. He barely notices. His capacity to feel pain is taken up in consideration of how black some hearts can be.]}

And he's done this more than once?

_{[Ryuji being twice as indignant to make up for Mikan's lack of it is by now a familiar response when she talks about home. He's not so easily pacified.]}

--He's still out there, doin' this? _{[Then it matters. It matters a lot.]} Shit... so all of you...

_{[Mondo's guilt, he'd seen with his own eyes. Mikan and Sayaka had intimated bits and pieces. But with Ishimaru and the others she'd mentioned confirmed as threads in the same web, he starts to really wonder, to ask the ugly question--who of the rest of them have killed?

A part of him hadn't wanted to ask, because knowing would change everything, and he'd be laying a black-and-white mantle of guilt on a grey situation, what amounts to a bunch of young people picking up knives with a gun to their heads. It's a dirty business, and it leaves a terrible taste in his mouth.]}

Ryuji!

[She's not going to let this get worse, not if she can help it. Now she steps forward, putting both of her hands around his injured fist.]

Hurting yourself further isn't going to help anyone! You can't save everyone, and you have to watch out for yourself!

[It's a moment of sincerity and anger... that only lasts for a few seconds.]

... P-Please. I know it's hard to hear... That's why I try to avoid telling people as much as I can. I just... I just want to enjoy my time here while I'm safe.

_{[Looking out for himself at the cost of others? Believing not everyone can be saved? He'd settled for less once, had said the same things with the same resignation, letting thousands of small injustices stack on top of each other until he was hobbling on crutches with a fractured femur and his classmates were jumping off roofs.

It's not good enough anymore. He's set the bar impossibly high on purpose; with every breath and every choice, he jumps at it.

Her uncharacteristic vehemence only fuels his own, and when she grabs him he grabs her back, putting his hand on top of their conjoined ones. It's a gentle hold, but the wills powering each side of it are fire and steel for that brief moment.]}

Someone has to. _{[And if no one else can or will... isn't that why the Phantom Thieves exist?]} Tell me someone stops this guy.

_{[Insinuating he should put it out of his mind earns a head shake. Hell to the nth degree of no.]}

You guys are in trouble--that ain't somethin' to stay quiet about! Bein' here means we can come up with a plan, somethin' to throw a wrench in the works. No way are you and the others goin' back to that if I have a say.

_{[If not back to that single moment, maybe somewhere else. Another world. Another city. Another point in time. Something else.]}

[Her eyes lower, not out of fear or nerves, but hopelessness. After being in Wonderland so land, being subjected to its hopes and horrors... she's long since given up on the idea of a good ending for her home life. There are just some things stronger than the will of mere humans. When is he going to learn that? How hard is he going to break when the point hits?

Ah... it's pitiful, it's truly pitiful...]

... We are Super High School talents, but in the end... we're still just humans. We're still just kids. We're up against something we can't fight... and we tried. We did try to fight. And we lost. Whoever Monokuma is, whatever he is... he has more power than we can even imagine...

Ryuji... Please stop tormenting yourself like this. We went from one prison to another one, but at least this prison keeps us alive.

You think you hafta have a mortgage payment before you can make change? Just kids can kill a god. Just kids can do damn well anythin' so long as they got the grit to get back up when they get knocked down.

_{[Some mysteriously powerful douchecanoe with a hard-on for terrorizing school students doesn't scare Ryuji. He leans closer, squeezing her hand. It gives off solidarity and comfort.]}

If you were really bein' honest with me, I think you know deep down you don't believe what you're sayin'. Goin' from one bad situation to another ain't gonna make you happy.

You wanna change the world, change how you look at it. That's how it starts.

[Maybe a week, or at most a month, after Mikan had first arrived in Wonderland, she would have been inspired by this speech, and would have eagerly asked for his help. But now? After years of hope beaten out of her?

Happiness isn't something that's guaranteed. There are things that can't be fixed. Perhaps it's time to be cruel to be kind. She pulls her hands back momentarily.]

It's so easy to say all that... When you don't know everything. I can't fight. The only time I willingly hurt someone... Wonderland had its hold on me.

[Now she takes his hand, both of them, and puts them... on her throat?]

I can't defend myself. I don't have the will to hurt people, even to save my own life.

If you hurt me right now... If you tried to kill me... I wouldn't do anything.

_{[When she guides his hands to her neck in a macabre display of surrender, he frowns and draws them back at once. The image still burns bright in his mind--a white neck, whiter bandages stark beside it. But that's not what gives him a chill.]}

Tsumiki--don't say shit like that. A nurse who's got the will to help people wouldn't mean that.

_{[Admonishment laces with the alarmed concern in his voice. Some of it is rooted in personal discomfort. He's had the "aggressor" and "violent delinquent" boxes checked off by others too many times in his life for him to be keen at having the role assigned to him again, even just for play pretend.]}

If it was to save someone else's life, you'd fight. That's what a nurse does, ain't it? Well, same idea goes for you. You just said it, right? Hurtin' yourself won't help anyone. What if I was a bad guy, and you died, and someone you could've saved ended up dyin' 'cause you weren't around?

Fightin' is about fightin' for others as much as yourself. You can't do that if you're dead, or turned into a vegetable 'cause Wonderland ate all your memories.

Edited 2017-11-17 09:43 (UTC)

... Wonderland is my haven. It's where I want to stay forever.

[Now she pulls away - to get more gauze because someone ripped open his wounds.]

I'm not the only one who can heal people here... And we all come back from the dead... and we can all make new memories...

[She says with her back turned toward him.]

... I told you about my parents. I told you about what's waiting for me back home. Why would I want to go back there? Why can't I stay here in this place forever? It's not always kind... but it's better than anything I've ever known. It's the only place where I could find friends. It's the only place where I could try to fix what's wrong with me.

I'm... so tired, Ryuji. I'm just so tired.

_{[What is with everyone wanting to stay here? It's like Wonderland's pulled a Yaldabaoth and twisted everyone's brains inside out. There's no magic powerful enough to turn this house into a home.

But that's not the important part here. It's where that desire comes from that is.]}

You don't need Wonderland for that, Tsumiki.

_{[He puts a hand on the back of her shoulder to encourage her to turn back around to face him.]}

You can have those things anywhere. In a safe place. There are better ways to change what's wrong, I promise.

[This time she says nothing. Instead she adds another layer of gauze to his hand, keeping her eyes down.]

...

[How nice his life must be. She's envious.]

Hey, don't do that.

_{[He can see she's withdrawing, shutting down, and he rests his hand by his leg so she can't keep pinning gauze to it and avoiding the discussion at hand.]}

Don't hide away. I get you're tired, but givin' in and acceptin' things as they stand ain't the way.

[Then, very quietly, almost a whisper...]

Have you died?

No...

_{[The response comes low and heavy. Not yet may be the more appropriate answer, with how intent this world is on seeing them dead and feeding on parts of them, just so they can reawaken and do it all over again.

The constant threat of it exhausts him as well; he rages as hard as he does to keep it at a distance from himself and the people he cares about, a losing battle. If people aren't outright dying, they're disappearing.]}

And if killing to save my own skin's the name of the game, I'd lose. I couldn't do it to save myself, either. _{[He says this decisively, returning to his seat. He pats the spot beside him in invitation.]} I don't want anyone to die.

_{[Maybe that makes him sound dumb to some of the jaded types here, maybe he can't save everyone--but he became a phantom thief so he could try.]}

[She doesn't take the invitation. He needs to learn. He needs to understand that hope, that escape, that those things are naive childish fantasies not meant for her.]

I have. More than once.

[The exact number, she can't be certain of. With the way that Wonderland plays with memories, it's hard to trust what you can recall. But she knows it's been more than the one.]

... I've slowly died due to a disease. I've had to be put down like an animal. I've gone after people so I can make their blood spill.

[She says it like she's so exhausted. She's so tired. There were no heroes to come to her aide, no way to fight back.]

... I know you want to believe in a happy ending... but not everyone is guaranteed one.

_{[Mikan has her work cut out for her, because although he stiffens in a grim acknowledgement of how horrific living those experiences must have been (three times...? Jesus), he doesn't relent even as he's quieted somewhat.

He gets it now, a little. He gets that heavy hopelessness hasn't come about from one tragedy, but several, one after the other, stuck between a rock and a hard place. But if anything, it just makes him more certain he has to double down on getting everyone the fuck out of here.]}

But you're still here. You're still alive.

_{[The ultimate sign of hope, in his opinion. Living means second, third, fourth chances. The possibility of potential. Improvement. Time for things to get better. To make amends. Human life is precious, it matters, and there's no chance of any of that when it's gone.]}

I'm sorry. If there was a way to take those memories away instead of the good ones... Even go back in time with whatever power Wonderland has to pull us from different times...

_{[It disgusts him, the senselessness of her parents' neglect, the killing game, and now everything in Wonderland, and it lodges in his throat.]}

But you're still here. _{[It's important enough to repeat.]} It's more reason than ever to make sure no one has to go through the kind of shit you have again.

[Mikan whips her head up, startled. Even THAT didn't kill his shred of hope?! What is with this guy?! He's like some weird hero from a shonen manga! It's frustrating, yes, but at the same time... she's not sure. He's something else, that's definitely true.]

... I suppose if it gives you some comfort... The events don't repeat. So no one can go through the kind of... stuff... I have again.

[A technicality, yes, but it's...something.]

_{[If being erased from existence doesn't kill your swerve, nothing will. Seeing Mikan's pain and dejection up close chills the heart, but when seen through the lens of the existential fears he'd once felt and that of all the people who'd suffered under Yaldabaoth, he'd be a real sack of shit to not think he should do what he can for her.]}

... That's ain't comfortin' at all, actually...

_{[But it's... something, sure. He shakes his head.]}

Better if there weren't any shitty events in the first place. Remember what I said before? You can always call me if there's trouble. I'm still plannin' on gettin' outta here, and I ain't leavin' you behind, Tsumiki.

_{[His mind goes to Akira, how Akira can so easily seem to inspire someone with a look or a calm word.]}

Even if Wonderland does boot me out like the rest of my friends, I don't want you givin' up, 'kay?

[... It's something, at least. To know that when danger arises within Wonderland, she can be safe with another person. Outside of Wonderland, there's nothing anyone can do. But within Wonderland, with the dangers of evets... well.]

All right.

[She finally relents, at least on this issue.]

... I can trust you. I'll count on you when I need it.

_{[He gestures her over, hoping this time to lure her to his seat with an extended hand and a smile aimed at hopefulness.]}

Shake on it. Promise you'll remember you're just as important as anyone else.

_{[Whether or not she accepts the offer, he still has something left to say now that he's not boiling over with so many intense emotions in the heat of the moment.]}

I suppose I owe you another apology for goin' off on a ramble. I've been thinkin' a lot about what we're fightin' for here in Wonderland--and who we're fightin' to get back to.

_{[He sighs lightly. When you save one world and set people free from enslavement, you get a notion in your head you can do it again, go figure.]}

I'm still hopin' you'll think about what I said. That things can get better. I don't want you acceptin' this is as good as it gets with no hope.

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