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[Souji's been feeling reflective lately, thinking over some things. It's elicited a question that he himself isn't sure he can answer. He wants to find out if others can, so, after some deliberation about whether or not it's a good idea, he takes to the network to ask.]

If you were able to change something in your life at home, what would it be?

[He's not sure he'll even get any answers. It's kind of a personal question. But he's hoping that some people will respond, if only to help him think through things himself.]

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... I think there's a lot I could wish to change. Everyone has regrets, after all. But I'm not certain it would be in my best interests to do so.

[This is something she's thought a lot about, too, as someone who's made a lot of rather controversial decisions.]

What do you mean?

[He hadn't thought about that point at all--if making changes would have been good for him. Or rather, if he'd have changed those things for himself rather than for other people, when he thought he'd been acting in their interests and not his own.]

Our actions are informed by so many different factors, and therefore inform so many others. Changing one thing is never a straight line to changing something else. Even if I made a decision to go back and make a change, even if it seemed informed, I couldn't truly discover where it may actually have gone. Who it might affect.

[It's how she talks herself out of her regrets, one at a time. Can't fix it. Not even with a wish or a dream.]

[He takes a moment to think that over. He'd considered the fact that a different choice wouldn't necessarily lead to the outcome he wanted, but not the multiplicity of possibilities that making a change could entail.]

...I guess if I tried to think it through for even one choice, I might just drive myself crazy trying to make it work out right in my head. The possibility for it to turn out how I want it to would have to rely on a really specific chain of events just happening to fall into place.

[At least, that's how he understands what she's saying.]

Exactly.

[It's just complicated. All of it, spiraling forward, into the unknown.]

Many will say hindsight is 20/20, but we are better accepting our choices instead of trying to change them. Though... if I had some reassurances, I would have liked more options. But I don't think that will ever be real, for any of us.

Even if it won't or can't happen, is it a waste of time to think about it?

[He can't figure that out, himself. Is it a useful thought exercise, or is he just putting himself through unnecessary pain?]

I would say it's only a waste of time if you cannot stop yourself from doing so.

[Sometimes, thinking over trauma can help you heal. Sometimes, it just drags you down and down and down.]

If it is something you can think on when you choose, confront in a way that is safe, by all means. But if it haunts you, consumes you... all it does is hurt.

[He considers that.]

I hadn't thought about it for a long time. But I worry I'll think about it a lot now.

If it still bothers you, it may be good to revisit it. Talk about it with some trusted friends. See if you can't work through those emotions. Sometimes, things we think we are long past turn out to resurface in ways we do not expect.

[Tell that to all the stuff she's repressing, honestly.]

[His experiences in the past have demonstrated exactly what she's describing. He musters a smile.]

I'll do that. But I appreciate your guidance. It was nice of you.

Edited 2018-03-09 02:12 (UTC)

[She can’t help but grin a bit as well.]

I’m more than happy to help. I, ah, have a bit of experience in the matter myself. Anything I can do to relieve some burden.

Thank you.

[A beat.]

My name's Souji.

Ma--

[She stops. No, that's her title, not her name. Doesn't carry the weight here that it did back home.]

Lucretia. Call me Lucretia. It's a pleasure to meet you.

It's nice to meet you, too. And thank you again.

Of course. Good luck, Souji.

[And she signs off.]

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