http://vitaelamorte.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] vitaelamorte.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] entranceway2012-01-08 10:50 pm

+ super IMPT follow up +

As promised, we've looked over what everyone had to say about the situation, and we've come to a decision. Entranceway will be moving to DreamWidth and it will become a community-based game.

Below the cut is the moving schedule, which starts officially on January 13th and ends on January 20th. This gives everyone plenty of time in the interim to set up character journals at DreamWidth and join the communities there. The mod journal at DW is here, if you want to check it out. The set-up is pretty much exactly the same as it is on LJ.

Friday, January 13th: OOC coordination post goes up in DW community. This will include a mini moving FAQ with instructions on what people will need to repost, what things people don't, how community games will work, tagging within the new communities, and so on.

Sunday, Januray 15th: Memes! There will be some kind of CR meme and a fun IC one up at DW so that everyone can get settled in and get the hang of the small differences between DW and LJ.

Friday, January 20th: IC posting begins on DW and ends on LJ. All LJ communities will be set to moderated submissions and membership will be closed on them. A goodbye message will be posted on LJ letting anyone browsing the communities and mod-journal there know that we have moved.

On this date, apps will open up again at DW and all entries and comments will be imported from the LJ communities one last time to make sure nothing is missing.

February 3rd-6th: The first event after the move.

We hope that everyone will join us in this move. As always, there is a Q&A thread on this entry for any questions.

There will be more information in the next couple of days about the donation drive for paid accounts at DW, so keep an eye out for that.

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 05:58 am (UTC)(link)
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:15 am (UTC)(link)
...Question: as the roleplay's being all shook up and re-organised and stuff, does that include rewriting the premise? Because at the moment it doesn't really have anything to do with the game.

(I feel like a dick I'm sorry but it's something I've been thinking about for a while)

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:34 am (UTC)(link)
OH GOOD OKAY if you guys have had the same idea then I don't feel like a dick for bringing it up. XD

[identity profile] eatsyourscience.livejournal.com 2012-01-10 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Is this (http://vitaelamorte.dreamwidth.org/profile) more to your liking my dear?

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-10 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
I enjoy thisssss. :D

"But one world is different. This world is lonely. This world is hungry." makes me flail with glee

And if you'd like me to put on my creative writing workshop hat: I like that it touches on one of the things that make this particular people-pulled-into-another-world rp unique from the others. That is, the fact that Wonderland is feeding on the people it kidnaps and shaping itself around their memories/selves with the events. If anything I'd be more explicit about that, because that seems to me like a big selling point, but I only really get that that's what the premise is describing because I already know that that happens.

You guys could mention the mirrors / mirror world, as well, since that's a really cool idea that I don't think I've seen in any other rps. Not in like, exhaustive detail or whatever, but enough that potential players can read it and go "oh there are weird doubles with their own agendas that sounds fun".

Now I'm thinking about it, I'd put less emphasis on the "you were in one world; now you're in another" part and more on what that other world is actually like. The "your character finds themself in a strange place" premise is extremely common to LJ DW RP, so what players will be looking for - and playing in - is an other world that's unique and interesting. Details like for instance:

- the eyeless Queen, and the mirror images of kidnapped folks who serve her and sometimes interact with the regular side
- Wonderland feeds on those it's stolen (which you have), and changes itself
- even the inhabitants can be changed, everything's in flux, you might wake up one day and find yourself physically transformed or thinking you're someone else
- how Wonderland seems to have a case of event hiccups right now (because ONGOING PLOT!)
- idk you can probably think of more stuff because I am a derp and writing this quickly in between kitchen work

I mean obvs not all of that needs to be jammed in if it would end up too long or whatever, but I think those would be interesting points to hit that would be more likely to draw in new players.

And on a technical note rather than one of content, it's a bit slow-paced. If this will be the first thing potential players read about Eway, then it'd do better to start off with a bang than a whisper. "THIS IS A COOL UNIQUE THING, YOU ARE NOW INTERESTED" rather than "there are many worlds, and many roleplays which use that device". The poetic feel to it is cool, I enjoy the way the descriptions are very visual and easy to imagine, but too many poetic words can get in the way of getting meaning across, so I'd suggest concentrating on points of interest first and making it more lyrical if you'd like to afterwards.

so.

yes.

that is my critique.

(I'm so sorry I take a red pen to EVERYTHING)

[identity profile] eatsyourscience.livejournal.com 2012-01-11 02:27 am (UTC)(link)
??? (http://vitaelamorte.dreamwidth.org/profile)

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-11 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
Oh gosh awesome. 8D

Thoughts on this:

- The importance given to the 'different worlds, this one kidnaps you' premise seems just about ideal.

- It still doesn't really give an impression of the events. At the moment, the time given to describing the Mirrors vs describing the events makes it seem like the plot revolves around the mirrors, and sets them up as main players, whereas in the roleplaying itself they're optional and tend to just hang out and do their own thing. I would change this paragraph:

This world goes a step further: it builds up another you…

to segue into more event stuff, rather than mirror stuff (which can come afterward):

This world goes a step further: it rebuilds itself around what you know, what you've experienced, what you are. It changes the world around you and the people you talk to, and it can even change you yourself. And every time it does, it steals a piece of your life that you'll never see again.

- "what it takes, it uses, drains, reshapes it, and makes it part of itself again" is still pretty vague as far as descriptions go, but if you go into more detail afterwards like in the previous bullet point, it works really well as a teaser.

- I'd change "when you wake up to find yourself…" to "whenever you…" or "every time you…" just to make it clear that being changed happens multiple times and temporarily, as opposed to being a "you arrive in Wonderland a child / a human / otherwise different" type deal.

- there was another point and I forgot what it was

- ps the second half of this description is so delightfully creepy I love it

[identity profile] eatsyourscience.livejournal.com 2012-01-11 03:56 am (UTC)(link)
You are a beautiful babby, Caz.

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-11 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
NO U.

Also this draft is awesome and I stamp it with my approval. 8D

/copies caz

[identity profile] hamburellakind.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:05 am (UTC)(link)
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[identity profile] ironlass.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:22 am (UTC)(link)
Time to communicate my feelings the only way I know how.
Through stock photos.

Image

[identity profile] exiled-torch.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:29 am (UTC)(link)
glorious

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:33 am (UTC)(link)
LET'S CELEBRATE THIS TUMBLR STYLE

Image

Image

Image

why do I have so many gifs of these people

[identity profile] exiled-torch.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:38 am (UTC)(link)
because they are all goddamn amazing thats why

requesting the one with troy all "HE HIT ME"

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:44 am (UTC)(link)
HERE IS THE ONLY TROY GIF I HAVE

Image

I NEED. MORE.

[identity profile] itsahotone.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:38 am (UTC)(link)
because you hate me B|

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:45 am (UTC)(link)
8) OLLIES OUTTIE

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Re: Gif spam whoops

[identity profile] 40410.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:47 am (UTC)(link)
hahahaha oh my god those joker ones

Image

[identity profile] urnewkingbitch.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 06:57 am (UTC)(link)
Obviously the lady is DW and the Joker is Eway.

Image

[identity profile] vision-8fold.livejournal.com 2012-01-09 07:48 am (UTC)(link)
Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

So glad we're moving. /makes note to get accounts sorted tonight. I have the main ones made but not the mirrors' and I don't think I transferred icons :/

[identity profile] wings-of-vanth.livejournal.com 2012-01-10 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
Image