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[The skies of Wonderland thrum to an unaccustomed sound - the roar of rotors. An unmarked black helicopter menacingly circles the skies above the mansion. Those familiar with such things might recognize it as a V-22 Osprey, a US military aircraft. It's not carrying the newest Wonderland resident; he is the newest Wonderland resident. Nick Zerhakker, transhuman cyborg aircraft, is confused and very angry.]

[Only a few minutes after the helicopter's abrupt appearance, a new log is uploaded to the network. The video shows a moving aerial view of the grounds and the mansion, with the dull roar of the chopper's engines in the background.]

--primrose beech tips! What in the slant locking flooring pit is this train score? Where's the buzzing sat-com? Where the SWELL is the raid puffing GPS? TOWEL RACKS!

[The unseen speaker sounds like a young man with a North Philly accent, shouting at the top of his lungs. From his tone, it seems "beech tips" and the rest are meant to be curses, but the more nonsensical words come out haltingly and sounding just a bit off, like a poorly-redubbed movie. Nick hates his censoring software at the best of times, but boy does he loathe it right now. A helicopter has no lungs to take a deep breath with, but he plays the appropriate sighing sound anyway and makes an effort to gather his thoughts.]

This is recording, right? Okay! My name's Nick Zerhakker, I work for the saddle churning US government. [Which is completely true, but he holds off on saying how, exactly. He's not military or CIA or anything, but also not exactly keen on explaining that Project Skin Horse is only a desperately underfunded social services department.] Any of the pill tasters on this network want to tell me what the pluck just happened? This is the only moth-eaten signal I can find. From the look of things I ain't in warbling Kansas anymore, and I don't see Toto either, so it'd be pretty nice to get some answers!

[In the helicopter's-eye-view shown in the video, the mansion comes closer as Nick slowly begins to descend. There's no guarantee that someone here will have diesel handy when he needs to refuel, so it'd be nice to be able to land and save some power. He has his eye on the roof of that big mansion, if there's a space large and flat enough to hold him, but he'll settle for a reasonably smooth patch of lawn.]

I'm seein' humaniforms on the carbonated ground, so, hope someone gets this message. Do I have permission to land on the roof of this whooping cough massive building and sort things out?

[After uploading his video, Nick waits, hovering above the mansion fretfully. He'd rather not make a bad first impression in wherever-the-hell this place is by stepping on any toes, but if he doesn't get a prompt response he'll be tempted to pick his own landing zone.]

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[Amethyst isn't confused by the helicopter. She hasn't been here long enough to know that the sight of one should be very surprising. No, what she's confused by is the censors. She watches the video expecting someone to punctuate the complete non-sequitur with a "Haha! What a funny joke!" or some similar explanation as to why there's just video of a helicopter with completely nonsensical words in the background. But after it's over there's no such explanation. In fact, the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes... it's actually serious?

But she was barely able to follow along with all the nonsense words thrown in, so when she speaks she doesn't have an answer for the voice.] Uh, say that again? Moth eating warblers?

I didn't - ughhhh.

[Okay, inexplicably purple chick, Nick can work with this. At least he's managed to contact someone. He slows down and makes an effort to keep his speech clear, sounding just a touch exasperated. Like the original message, the picture is just an aerial view of the mansion - he's recording straignt off one of his own onboard cameras and doesn't really have any way to point the video toward himself.]

I wasn't trying to say moth-eaten! I meant moth-eaten. [Not terribly helpful, Nick. It does sound different the second time, if you're paying attention.] Granite. Listen, okay, I gots a pl- a filter that replaces all my swears as I talk so I can't cuss. Which is tucked - uh, it sucks.

That ain't important right now! Can you at least tell me where the - where I am?

...Ohhh, haha, you've got a filthy mouth, huh? You're sayin' baaaad words? Okay, I get it. Sorta.

I can tell you where you are. You're in Wonderland. That probably doesn't help you at all, does it? [She looks pretty pleased with the fact that it's unhelpful. Rude, Amethyst. But she feels cool being the one who actually knows stuff this time.]

You bet your stash I've got a filthy mouth.

[Nick's first knee-jerk reaction is that purple chick is just messing with him, judging by the smug look on her face. The second is that maybe it's just what the place is called, maybe some kook with a boner for children's literature built a giant Carroll-themed mansion and shaped all the gardens into playing-card suits. ...A mansion in the middle of nowhere that Nick doesn't remember flying to, where he can't get satellite reception.]

...Okay, sure, I'll bite. Is anyone in "Wonderland" using this spot on the roof, or am I cleared to land? 'Cause I'm burning fuel here and I'd kinda like to cranking touch down.

[She has to think about that.] Uh, I dunno? There's a lot of people here. If there's nothing on the roof just go ahead and use it, if someone gives you grief tell 'em Amethyst told you it was okay.

I didn't know you could bring a whole helicopter here.

[Well, that's good enough for him. The roof looks clear, so Nick picks a spot and makes his landing, taking his time. He keeps his rotors out and flight-ready, in case something goes drastically wrong and he has to take off again in a hurry. This place is putting him on edge.]

[When he does reply, he switches to using one of his internal cameras, rather than an external one, showing a view of the inside of his cabin. The two chairs in front of the flight panel are empty (and, incidentally, the board and pieces of an abandoned game of Risk are scattered over one of the radar screens - he kept meaning to clean that up. The worst of the clutter is offscreen and strategically cropped out, though.)]

Uh, I dunno what you mean by that? I kind of am the whole helicopter. I ain't got a pilot.

You said "a lot of people?" Is that human-type people, or more purple truckers? Nothin' wrong with being purple, I'm just curious.

You're a helicopter? ... Coooool. [Said with the kind of awe a kid would have at an amusement park.]

I think I'm the only purple trucker here. I'm definitely the only gem, at least. But the rest of them are mostly human. ... You know, with the occasional bird. [Still the rest of "them". She has a hard time grouping herself along with the others trapped here, even though... she's totally just as trapped here. But she's always felt isolated, even without the setting change.]

Spelt yeah I am. It's pretty sweet. Chicks dig it. [There are ups and downs, obviously, but Nick wouldn't trade being a helicopter for anything. He lets himself preen just a little, although that bit about "chicks" is mostly bravado.]

[Humans, birds, and.. a "gem?" Mentally, he pulls up his copy of the Skin Horse client database out of his computer memory. Even while he speaks, he starts a search for "gems" or anything fitting Amethyst's description. He doesn't really expect to find anything, but it's a distraction that keeps him from worrying too hard. Why can't he remember flying here?]

Not that this place ain't Muscovy duckling lovely, but I think I'd rather not stay too long. You don't happen to know which direction is the fastest way outta here, do you?

The fastest way out... [She stops to think about that for a moment. Hmmm...] Uhh... up. Definitely up. Go up until you can't see the mansion anymore and the gardens are just colored dots in the distance. Then it's like you're out!

Haha, but seriously, you can't leave. It kinda sucks actually. If you try you just... die I think. Or... break down? [What's the equivalent of death for a helicopter.]

[Okay, that's not helpful. He's ready to dismiss Amethyst as a source of information entirely and go looking for someone else, but the second half jolts Nick out of his thoughts and straight into a panic.]

What the FUNGUS.

What do you mean I can't monogrammed leave? That's maudlin armadillo tidbits! I don't even rioting know how I got to this amusement park in the first sock tucking place! I can't ploughing stay!

[He's forgotten to moderate himself for the swear filter, so good luck deciphering that mess. His voice rises shrilly, but he fights back the rising fear and forces himself to slow down again.]

Snails, thanks for warning a guy! What the he- what am I supposed to do, then?

You just hang out, I guess. Too bad the mansion's not big enough to get you a room, the digs're pretty cozy. They change themselves to mimic what you want from a room. Mine's just my old room from back h-- ...back where I came from. [Almost slipped and said something that wasn't true there.]

Uh, and wait for stuff to happen. There's weird things every once in a while, like the mansion turning into a Japanese hot springs or some kind of murder facility.

Or! You could do me a favor.

Okay. Okay. Skittles.

S'fine, I'm used to hanging out on roofs and whatever. I don't need a fancy room.

[He's not sure what to make of the changing rooms, or the "weird things." It sounds like magic, assuming he's understanding her correctly, which he's not sure he is. But weird things have been happening since the day he woke up as a helicopter; this is just ... especially weird. Better to focus on what he does know how to deal with.]

What kinda favor?

[She lowers her voice to a conspiratorial tone.] No one else thinks so, but I bet this place is powered by a gem. A pretty heavy-duty one, yeah, but still a gem. If you help me find it, I can bubble it up and send it to the temple, and that would free all of us. No one else wants to look, they're all about their alternate universe theories. But I bet I'm right.

...Yeah, I have no idea what that means. [Gems? Bubbles? What temple? Once again, he decides to focus on the bit that he understands.]

You called yourself a "gem" too, right? Are you sayin' you think there's someone like you behind all of this?

I mean, it looks like I ain't got anything better to do. If you tell me what to look for, I'll keep an eye out for the custard, sure.

[It'll be a good excuse to go flying, and who knows, he might actually find something. All the hi-tech sensory arrays and radar gear Nick's builders loaded him down with ought to count for something.]

Maybe not on purpose. For gems, our life source is also called a gem. Right here. [She pulls her shirt down a bit to show the giant faceted amethyst on her chest.] Uh... can you see that? ...Can you see anything? Anyway, they have powers on their own even without us, so a gem that's lost its body can create places like this, like magic.

Just keep an eye out for any big ol' gem. It's probably well hidden, but maybe it's in some place people who aren't helicopters can't reach. They try to stay out of sight when they get like this.

[Nick files away the information, and manages to mostly ignore the state of Amethyst's neckline. He focuses on the gem itself and the mission, such as it is.]

Yeah, I see you fine, Purple Rain. Just visible-light, though, it'd be different if you were here in person.

Big flapping gem, got it. I'll fly around and let you know what I find, but if it's deep underground or something I won't be a whole lotta help. About how far away can people get before they start dying, do you know?

Just don't go too far in the forest, especially. And I think people can swim at the beach, probably just not further out than where a person would generally swim at. Um, there's fences that act weird, if you try to get to them you just end up back at the mansion.

That's a good point, I haven't even looked underground yet. I should totally start digging.

Sounds like a plan.

Thanks for the info and soup. I'll let you know if I find something.

You're welcome for the soup. Thanks for taking me seriously. [He's the first one to accept her gem theory as anything even remotely a possibility.]

Yeah, no problem. [No reason not to believe she knows what she's talking about.]

[Michael was standing on the roof's ledge, like he did most days, eyes flicking upward at the sound of, yes, that was a helicopter. He'd been here long enough to think it wasn't common, but not so long that he could swear to that. He watches it for a few moments before he withdraws his wings and steps back, moving to the far side of the roof.

He opens his device, he checks it regularly, and then frowns back up at the sky, responding soon after.]

There is plenty of room for you to land. Do you need guided down?

[There isn't really anyone to give permission, so Michael does.]

[Rather than reply over the network, Nick cuts out the middleman and yells back directly, loud enough to be heard over his own rotors. Politeness, unfortunately, is not his strong suit.]

I'm cutting-edge banking military hardware, fruit punch, I can make the landing. Just stand back.

[He takes his time and makes sure to land neatly and gracefully, just to show off. No pilot is visible through the windows; nobody steps out.]

[Michael had no reason to doubt Nick's skills, and already standing back, he just places his hands on his hips, waiting.

And he waits.

Frowns. Waits some more.

Why was no one exiting the machine?]

Are you going to come out?

[Now that he's securely on the ground, Nick can devote his full attention to the fruitless search for satellite signals, GPS, wi-fi, anything other than this one strange, limited network that won't let him send a signal home. No dice. His reply is distracted, terse.]

What you see is what you get, mudskipper. I'm the helicopter. No pilot. Very flaming cutting edge.

... Really hope you're not one of the cast iron pots with a reality filter. If it's too weird and you need something with a sunny face to talk to, I can send out the drone.

[He's the helicopter. Michael frowns, then steps forward.]

That isn't necessary.

[Michael's not bothered by this.]

I have never met anyone like you before. [But, stranger things have happened. Especially here.]

I am Michael.

[That suits Nick fine. He stays where he is, cameras and sensors trained on Michael.]

Nick Zerhakker. Yeah, I'm pretty flapping unique.

You mind telling me where the hotel I am? [Internally, he winces a little. That swear filter is never not going to sound ridiculous.]

I would say so.

[He was unphased but that didn't mean he wasn't curious or impressed by Nick in general.]

You are in Wonderland. Inside this manor are the others.

[A pause.]

We were all brought here as well.

Wonderland.

[He can't do facial expressions, so he settles for the most skeptical tone of voice he muster.]

As in Lewis Carrol's Wonderland. The children's book.

Brought here? Kale chips, brought here why?

Similar, yes. There is a queen, gardens, but it is the occupants and events that make it different.

[Michael steps forward, hands to his hips.]

I do not know the particular reason why we are brought here. Wonderland needs us, our memories, is the common idea.

[It's all a gray area.]

That's bankrupt.

[He forces himself to keep calm, and a windshield and nosecone make for an unparalleled pokerface. Externally, he has no way of showing his distress.]

I got other citrus-chugging people who need me too. American McGee's wet dream can feel free to spit me back out any viking time now.

Anything else I should know?

It is.

[He thinks he might get the gist of what Nick means.]

There are events, which seem to be the worst part of this place. Things change, happen, and sometimes they are good, sometimes bad, often just strange.

[A pause.]

Once we woke up in a town with entirely new memories that faded over time until we were ourselves and back here again. There have been monsters, unfounded paranoia, many things.

[Nick takes a moment to mull that one over. It sounds unbelievable. A lot of things do. He supposes the best thing is to learn as much as he can and roll with things as they come.]

Swell.

Thanks for the half-cocked warning. Anything else I should know?

Not that I can think of. It is a lot all at once, but if there is anything you need to know, don't hesitate to ask.

[Michael frowns, then steps forward.]

There is a main hall on the first floor, there are welcome pamphlets there.

Sure. Alright.

[Nick sighs.]

I got a robot I can send down to grab a pamphlet. I just.. need a minute.

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