Well, I have good news and bad news.

[Mostly bad news. Dipper spreads his hands in front of him.]

Unfortunately, it's less a who so much as a this entire place and the odds of leaving on your own terms are pretty low. I mean, we're all working on it, but so far no luck. But on the bright side? No time will actually pass on the outside while you're here, so when you do get spit back out the people you love will be no worse off than they are now!

[Comforting....]

So, uh, welcome to Wonderland? I'm Dipper.