entranceway | video } entry 1

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video } entry 1

[Dipper is staring down at the screen with an expression of utmost concentration.]

When did I get a phone?

[It seems like the kind of thing he’d remember. And yet, here it is, and he has no recollection of how it got here. He leans in and squints, puzzling over the strange mystery phone until he notices the little light that signals it’s recording. His eyes widen again and he pulls away.]

Oh… it’s on! Um… hi. I’m Dipper. I’m not sure who I just called, but… [He hesitates, looking conflicted for a moment, before he leans in intently.]

Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but hear me out. I think I’m trapped in some weird alternate dimension! It reminds me a lot of the story of Alice in Wonderland, and I keep getting this weird feeling around the mirrors! Like I’m being watched or… something. [He looks around for a moment, distinctly uncomfortable, then smiles at the camera again.]

Anyway, I’m pretty experienced in dealing with the supernatural, and I’ve never seen anything like this. [He’s been doing it for a whole… start of the summer. He frowns, brow creasing, and adds in a mutter:] I don't think the Author ever even came here... [He shakes his head, than in a more normal voice, adds:]

Are you here too? [Whoever's listening.] Maybe we can compare notes!

[He sounds so hopeful. This place is even weirder than Gravity Falls, and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to say that about anywhere. Surely someone’s been paying attention. Right?]

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Wha-- oh!

[That's when it finally clicks that oh, right. His outfit. He swipes off the hat (revealing absolutely atrocious hat hair underneath) and laughs in a way that was supposed to be reassuring but is really just awkward.]

N-No, you've got it all wrong. This is just a Halloween costume, that's all.

[Because that sure makes a lot of sense in April.]

[...wow that's some bad hat hair. Dipper raises his eyebrow, then gives Wirt an extremely skeptical look.]

I guess they don't keep calendars in the Gnome Forest, huh? It's summer. Even Summerween was a good month ago.

[Or something like that how does cartoon time go we just don't know.]

...Okay, first of all I've never heard of Summerween, so I'm pretty sure that's not really a thing? And it's spring here now, so...

[A beat, as he realizes that ruins the logic of why he's dressed like a gnome.]

A-And it was Halloween at home right before I got here? Though...when I got here it was December. I kind of skipped November completely?

[This makes less sense the more he goes on.] Time is, uh. Kind of messed up here.

They only celebrate it in Gravity Falls. [A lot of things only happen in Gravity Falls. But he says it distractedly, his mind processing the new information. It's spring? That's unexpected.]

Did I travel in time again? Or is this just some kind of weird anomaly?

Gravity Falls?

[He's never heard of it but oh, the kid's already moved on. Whatever, then.]

Could be either, I guess? [But then a thought crosses his mind and suddenly he seems more smug than he was a minute ago.] ...Buuuut what would I know? I mean, I'm just a gnome, apparently, and I'll bet gnomes aren't really known for their helpfulness. Right?

[Which means it's time to be as deliberately unhelpful as possible until he stops calling him a gnome.]

[...the sarcasm is actually a lot more convincing than the defensiveness was, but Dipper still squints at him.]

You're acting weirdly smug. Are you planning something?

[HE'LL GET THAT LEAF BLOWER SOMEHOW.]

Maybe I am. [Non-committal shrug.] I dunno. What kind of stuff do gnomes go around planning anyway?

[Wirt's just a little too amused, but hey - maybe this kid will be dumb enough to just hand him a plan on a silver platter. Besides, even if gnomes are real, he's never heard of dangerous gnomes before. Aren't they just peaceful forest folk or whatever? Wirt doesn't feel even remotely bad about this.]

Trying to marry my sister whether or not she wants to. [GRUMBLE GRUMBLE STILL MAD ABOUT THAT. Don't mess with Mabel.] Wait. Shouldn't you know what gnomes plan?

Huh! Gee, what a good point! Maybe I'd know if I were actually a gnome.

[Can you feel that sass, Dipper? Can you?]

But yeah, uh...I'm not marrying anyone right now. I-I'm way too young for huge life commitments like that. What kind of jerk forces someone they don't even know to marry them anyway?

Edited 2015-04-06 06:34 (UTC)

Gnomes do! [I mean, technically, they'd been dating her for a few days so maybe they knew her. But she definitely didn't know them.

And... well, he has to admit, most gnomes aren't quite as clueless as this guy. Well, they're clueless in different ways at least.

But there's still a major flaw in this guy's story.]

If that's really a Halloween costume, why are you still wearing it now? Even you admit it's not remotely near Halloween.

[That question saps all the sass right out of Wirt, and his cheeks turn pink.]

W-Well, that's-- that's because, um...

[It does dawn on him that the more he stumbles over his words, the more suspicious he seems. He isn't lying though, he just...well...]

...S-So there are these magic closets here, and they give you almost anything you could want or need. I know that sounds, like, completely crazy, but you can try them for yourself if you don't believe me.

[Which he probably doesn't at this point, since he thinks he's a gnome.]

Anyway, uh. I've thought about it and...people come and go from this place all the time, and when they leave they-- they forget they were ever here. I-I don't think we get to bring any of this stuff with us so...what happens if we suddenly go back without warning one day and we're not wearing the clothes we came here in?

[Logic says you wind up naked with no memory of why you're naked and that is absolutely not a risk Wirt is going to take.]

Edited 2015-04-08 02:33 (UTC)

....magic closets? [Dipper squints at him for a moment, then vanishes. After another minute there's a vroom sound and he comes back holding an extra large leaf blower.]

Wow! That's so cool! I... uh...

[He puts down the leaf blower and comes back to frown at Wirt.]

That's... actually a really good point. If this stuff appears by magic it's logical to assume it might also vanish by magic.

[Especially if it's as easy as just asking for it. If there's no price, nothing that you put in to get anything out... well, how much substance can it actually have?]

But would it really be so bad to go home not wearing a hat?

[I mean, Dipper's not taking off his hat. But his hat doesn't look nearly as dumb.]

[Wirt rolls his eyes at the leaf blower, but he's actually kind of relieved Dipper sees his point. He's been a little worried that maybe he's just being paranoid, but at least it makes sense to someone else.]

W-Well, no, I mean-- I could live with hat hair if I had to, I guess. But I kind of got this all out of our attic without asking? I'm pretty sure my mom would be annoyed if I lost it all in another dimension.

[Especially the cape. The hat he could probably replace if he had to, but the current plan is to get home, glue the fluff back on it, and pretend like he never took it, and he'd rather go with that. He's not a great liar, so he'd probably get busted as soon as his mom realized they were down a santa hat.]

Ok, but here's a counterargument: you and your clothes are both foreign matter, right? Like, you don't come from this world, while any clothes you made here would. But why wouldn't it send your clothes home at the same time it sent you, whether they were on you or not?

[His eyes widen and he grabs his head, waving a hand excitedly.]

Or maybe it wouldn't send them back at the same time whether they were on you or not! Maybe since they're different things, they're not even connected! We need to run experiments or something! We gotta solve this!

Edited 2015-04-11 17:39 (UTC)

O-Or! Or, even if it sent you back with your clothes, who says your clothes are going to wind up wherever you were if you weren't actually wearing them? Like, if you were outside and your clothes were upstairs and you got sent back, your clothes could wind up several feet away from you. Then you'd have to try and find them and just-- n-no, it'd be a mess.

[He would rather look like a nerd forever than risk it for more than a few hours at a time. He did put on a suit for that party a while back, but then he was right back in his cape after.]

...I don't think you really can run experiments though? I was trying to say that earlier; we're kinda stuck here. Sometimes Wonderland sends people home, but uh...no one knows how to do it on purpose.

[Privately, Dipper's not really sure the chance of nudity is really more embarrassing than looking like a gnome. It's embarrassing, sure, and he's not sure he wants to change his clothes all that often now that he's been alerted to this possibility, but he... isn't wearing a gnome costume.]

This sounds like a mystery. I happen to be pretty good at solving those. Do we have a list of who's gone home? Maybe there's a pattern.

[Sorry, but Wirt's not terribly confident in a preteen newbie's ability to figure out how to get home, no matter how good he is at mystery-solving. Wirt's already been here for months and no one seems to know how to leave, not even the adults.]

Uh...I don't know if there's a list, but I know a few people have left since I got here. Actually...one of them was my brother.

[He frowns a little bit though. He's not sure he wants to get into that with a kid who doesn't even completely believe he's human, so he attempts to shrug it off.]

Maybe someone has a list somewhere though? I-I wouldn't be surprised if someone's keeping better track than I've been.

[Newsflash, Wirt: Adults suck at solving anything. You need preteens for mysteries. That’s just how it goes. But pause to focus on the important part here.]

You have a brother? [A part of Dipper is sympathetic. If he was here with Mabel and she left… well. He’d be pretty mad. Still...] Did he also dress up as a gnome for Halloween? [If that’s still the excuse we’re going with.]

Edited 2015-04-20 22:46 (UTC)

Yeah, Greg. We showed up here together, but he, uh. Vanished a couple weeks ago. Everyone's been saying it means he went back to where we came from.

[Supposedly. The verdict is still out on whether he went all the way home or just back to the Unknown, but it's not something Wirt can prove either way, so he'd rather not spiral back into that.]

And no, he was an elephant actually. He put an upside-down teakettle on his head and ran around making elephant noises. [Noises that he's absolutely not going to replicate now.] He's been wearing it ever since, but he's only six, so it wasn't as weird as it could be or anything.

[Not that Greg would have cared either way. It's a needless explanation.]

Yeah, six year olds are pretty weird. [And it's not good when they go missing. Not good at all. Dipper frowns and starts chewing on a pen thoughtfully.]

How do they know he went back? [Because Dipper's new here and when someone goes missing his first instinct is to suspect foul play.]

Well...I worried about that a lot too, since a lot of people were saying that's just how this place works, and that's not really an answer. Th-That's just believing something because you want it to be true, since you can't really prove it.

[He's still not really on board with that, but luckily he did get a better answer, at least specific to Greg.]

People don't always show up at the same time here though? O-Or from the same time, is what I mean. We have a friend, Beatrice, and from me and Greg's perspective, she's a few days in our future. It's not much but...she'd been travelling with us. So...i-it's kind of complicated, but if Greg didn't go back to the point we came from, Beatrice would remember him going missing. But, since she said we were there the whole time, we must go back at some point, to close up the loophole.

[He makes a vague circular gesture with two fingers, to suggest "closing the loop"...but then he realizes it might not have been explained to Dipper at all, so he quickly adds:]

That happens to everyone here. Apparently time stops for us and starts up again when we get sent back? I-It's kind of like pressing pause on a cassette player. And then we don't remember when we go back, so...no one knows we're even gone.

That's... I'm not sure if that's good or bad. [This place is cool enough that he wants to hang out for a while and explore it, but he doesn't like being away from Mabel and the rest of his friends and family. He's glad they won't miss him, but that won't stop him from missing them if he can't find a way to go back at will.

Bad, then. He doesn't want to be trapped. Even if it could stretch out his summer vacation for a really long time. He does like the idea of not going back to school for more than a summer.]

It's bad, I think? Anything that involves us getting spirited away to another dimension is probably not...great. I-It's like this place is trying to say "Oh, yeah, you've been kidnapped, but it's totally okay because nobody knows you're gone!" and that's just like, super messed up.

[Then he realizes that oh, right - this kid is still new, and maybe he shouldn't freak him out.]

...Uhh. B-But, people have left before? Not of their own free will or anything, but at least we're probably not stuck...forever? [Not the most confident argument, but at least he's trying.]

....but on the other hand, that means I can explore this place pretty thoroughly and Grunkle Stan can't even be mad.

[It's not that he's happy being trapped far away from anyone he knows, separated even from his sister. But... well, he can see how much there is to explore and keep him distracted. And then he'll go home, no harm done!]

Um. ...Okay? Sure.

[He has no idea what Dipper's talking about, but at least he doesn't seem to be taking it as hard as he'd feared. Actually, he seems kind of calm about all this and it's weirding Wirt out a little.]

I guess I'll, uh. Leave you to do that. U-Unless there's anything else you needed to know?

[Not that Wirt feels like he's been much help, but offering is probably the right thing to do, even if Dipper probably doesn't want help from a possible gnome.]

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krmvgivv - 2015-05-08 21:58 (UTC) - Expand

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