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[ Forward-dated just a tad towards a more reasonable morning hour and all. It's fair to say Morty sounds nervous when he starts speaking, though he's not hitting panic territory. All things considered, this could probably be way worse? At the very least, he seems to be trying to be friendly. ]

Uhh, hey, so-- I'm Morty. First of all. I was wondering if anyone could tell me the fastest way to get back to Earth. Maybe even out of this whole crazy dimension. I-it's nice here and all, and I wasn't exactly in the middle of anything or anything, but I probably... I probably have school tomorrow. I dunno. It's kinda weird, I was just standing there with my family, and now they're not even around.

[ He hesitates. ]

If this is still Earth after all, I- I guess just knowing where I am would be good. Like a good start to get home again. I'm not trying to get involved in any big stuff right now, you know? I'm just, I'm just lookin' to figure this-- sit down and figure this whole thing out.

--

[ Or for those so inclined, Morty can be easily found trying to navigate the halls of the mansion. If it's before he gets acquainted enough with the place to find a new set of clothes, he'll be sporting a gentleman's rumpled tuxedo look. Considering he's soaked from the waist down, it might be easier to hear his squishy-socked approach first.

Sometimes in this life, you blink and you're standing in a swimming pool. Apparently. ]

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[A fancy young gentleman who looked like he walked out of a Victorian fashion magazine happened to be heading for the library when he found a young boy wandering about wearing a damp tuxedo.]

[Oh dear. Dorian didn't know what was worse, the boy being soaked or the clothes being ruined. It was easier to address a human being than a ruined tuxedo, so that's what he decides to do about the situation.]

Goodness, are you alright? You look like you fell into a lake or something.

[ Point: Morty. Awarded by Morty. Mostly for being right that there was no way he could be alone in this huge, crazy place. It just wouldn't make much sense. ]

Yeah, I-I'm okay, thanks. Someone must've thought it was important for me to check out the pool first thing when I ended up here. It's not the greatest, but hey, at least-- at least I'm not technically under-dressed or anything, huh?

[ Judging by this man's state of general... fanciness. ]

[He is very fancy, but that's not really a requirement to live here.]

You poor thing, you're going to catch a cold. Here, let's find your room so you can change into something dry.

[It does occur to him that he has never seen this kid before in his life, so...] Are you new here?

Whoa, thanks. It would be great to find some new clothes. [ Before dealing with how to get back home when he has no idea where this is in the universe or how he could get back. The last thing his mom needs is for him to suddenly disappear right now. ]

I mean I am new, so I don't think-- I shouldn't actually have a room to get to, around here. If I do, I-I think I'd have to be a little worried about that.

[He smiles and nods.]

That's not a problem. Simply enter any unoccupied room in the mansion and it's yours!

... Yes, I know it sounds a bit like I'm selling you snake oil, but how else am I supposed to explain how Wonderland works?

Snake oil, huh? If it helps, I don't-- I don't really mind not hearing everything about how it works. When it gets down to all the technicalities, it's probably, it's better to just hear about what the catches are right away instead. A lotta stuff goes wrong when you don't start out asking.

[ He says, trusting a random stranger in an unknown dimension. As always, Morty remains one step forward, half a step back. ]

[Sounds like someone misunderstood the metaphor.]

Well, I should get the bad news out of the way first- Somehow, you were literally plucked from your own home world and dropped off here with no way out.

[There's a light sigh, like he's actually disturbed by this.]

But it's not all bad, though. Time doesn't quite work like it should, so when you finally go back home you'll end up right where you left off in your life. Memories and all.

Oh, and I hope you didn't want to grow up, for nobody ages here either.

[ What matters is he tried his best. Morty nods along with the first two points of interest relatively anxiety-free: this is pretty much exactly the kind of thing that happens all the time with Rick. Happened. Whichever.

The third point... is certainly a point of interest. He's not sure he can dig it. ]

What, so if I just got, if I was around here for like a hundred years, I'd just still be fourteen the whole time? Forever?

Precisely, though I would hope you'd be released much earlier.

[You know, Dorian actually enjoys acting as the tour guide for once. It gives him a sense of control for one moment in this mad Wonderlandian life.]

For the most part, it should be a comfortable hundred years. Like I said, you can claim any empty room you like, and the closets will give you nearly anything you want.

Oh, jeez. I'm kinda hopin' I get out before that long, too. [ It's not purely because he loves and would miss his family. It's also because he would rather die than be in the middle of puberty for a century. Someone would have to snap after so long. ]

Boy, this place really... it could sure stand to make up its mind about what it's after. Like, w-what does it get out of keeping a bunch of people here and giving them free stuff?

[ He's considering his empty room picking options as they go. He can probably move to a different one later if he needs to. ]

Ah...

I've heard rumors about it slowly taking your memories. However, I've been here at least 5 months, and I remember everything perfectly!

[Dorian's not the most experienced, but he knows enough about Wonderland.]

I'm guessing it might want company or something. Who knows.

A lonely mansion, huh? I guess there's a first time for everything. Th-that old universe, you know? You never know what's comin' next no matter how much you see. Pretty... pretty skeezy setup.

[Something about what this boy just said makes Dorian pause.]

I'm not sure how you know so much about the universe, but I don't think we're even in the same universe anymore.

I don't know about know. Y'know, if that helps. I, I just do-- I did a lot of traveling around dimensions and stuff with someone for a while is all. You kinda pick stuff up when you're out there.

Like this probably is a- a whole different dimension than the one you were in before. There's pretty much an infinite number of those to end up in.

Well. You know more about other dimensions than most of us, that's for sure.

[He's curious now.] Who was your guide to the universe, if you don't mind me asking?

Oh, thanks. [ It's nice to get the compliment. Like a week ago he would've been a lot more pleased with it. Today it's still nice. Just on the tail end of a lot of sad crap. ]

Uh, yeah, my guide was my grandpa Rick. I-i-if you wanna call it guiding, I dunno. We had some pretty good times, though.

[Dorian's face falls at the mention of a "grandpa Rick."]

Er... You don't mean Rick Sanchez, do you?

[If this kid's really related to that madman...]

... yeah. Do you, uh. Have you met him or just like, heard of him?

[ 'Am I about to get got because Rick owes someone money or destroyed their planet or something?,' a Morty Smith biography. ]

[... Dorian breathes out a long, weary sigh.]

You poor child. I have, indeed, had the misfortune of meeting him, and I am terribly sorry you have to be related to him.

[It's not just you, Morty. Dorian had a terrible grandfather too.]

[ All current things about his life situation considered, Morty finds this refreshing. He's really not in the market for that "Rick's friend who actually understands stuff about him talks about giving him another chance" angle today. ]

Oh. Thanks? W-we had some pretty good times together and all, but there've been a few times-- you know, once in a while, you get up and you realize someone's not all that great. Even when you're used to 'em. You know?

[Nod, nod.]

I understand completely. I've known a few people who turned out to be horrible. [Like himself. Not that he would admit it to someone he barely knows.] But anyway, yes, Rick is here in Wonderland. Do you want to complain to him, or shall we just move on for now?

[ He hesitates. ]

I-I'm cool either way. Moving on for now would probably be faster and easier, huh? If you ever, if you've ever really gotta complain about him to someone, though, I guess I'll be around.

Right. I'll keep that in mind.

[He has so much to complain about, but that's for another time.]

Now, where were we...?

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