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nascensibility) wrote in
entranceway2017-10-16 12:20 am
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text; pockets full of stones
[She very much debates sending this. It isn't her style, not after the losses she's endured, not after the way this place takes, and takes, and takes, so much that it becomes commonplace, that she should find herself numb to it. Evelyn doesn't particularly anticipate replies; people go missing every day.
Her son's room is entirely empty. Evelyn knows what it means.]
If anyone sees a tow-headed boy, eight years old, please contact me.
His name is Alex.
E. O'Connell
Her son's room is entirely empty. Evelyn knows what it means.]
His name is Alex.
E. O'Connell
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[Of course she's not. She wouldn't do that. You need to stop projecting, asshole. ]
And what the hell are you supposed to get out of all that shit you don't want to do?
[Because they made him do a lot of stuff he didn't want to do in the Marines, but there was always a goal--being better, stronger, faster. ]
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[There is a certain element of disgust in her tone, an exhaustion with the outdated traditions of another era.
Evelyn understands that the conventions of her time are foreign to modern people, are archaic or crude - she doesn't disagree and fought valiantly for change, eschewing the standards set for her. Fighting tooth and claw for respect in a field unkind to the fairer sex.]
Old-fashioned ideals for old-fashioned people.
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[He'd tried to be one. Wasn't sure he'd succeeded. But he takes her point. She'd had no choice. ]
You get any say on who the guy was, at least?
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I bucked the system, a bit. [She confesses with a little smile.] Married the man I bailed out of prison. Rick O'Connell.
[She took his name.
For a moment she tips her head, reaching for something around her throat and unclasping it. Evelyn gathers the locket and chain into her hand, knuckles brushing his forearm and depositing the piece of jewelry into his palm. The moon is bright enough to make out two images.]
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Hope he remembered that every day of his life. [And treated her right because of it.
He glances at the picture of the guy--big, cornfed, Iowa-looking type. Not what he'd have matched with Evelyn. But his eyes linger on the kid.
His own son had brown hair, but a son was a son and a lost son was a lost son. ]
He looks happy. Your son.
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[Frank isn't too far off. Rick wandered over to Cairo by way of Illinois.
Evelyn believed him rude and unlikable and they argued until the bickering period passed, she swayed him with intellect and he her, with loyalty. He fought like Hell for her and held her broken body in the oasis when there was nothing they could do, miles away from anything and anyone. Field medicine was never going to fix internal bleeding.]
He's a disaster, [Evelyn says with tremendous fondness, knowing that Alex takes after her in thrill-seeking and wits alike.] But he's so smart, he picked up ancient Egyptian faster than I did, at his age. Invents all sorts of little mechanisms. [A beat.] I know he's safer at home.
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[He can hear, can recognize, the fond exasperation. How many times hat that been him, talking about Lisa: feisty, bossy, opinionated, and so beautiful. He couldn't believe, still that he'd ever deserved her, even for the short time he'd had her.]
Yeah, that doesn't help much. When your kid dies, everyone wants to run in and pat your hand and say shit like 'they're in a better place'. Fuck that. Even if it's true, it doesn't mean that the hole in your heart is any less real.
Like they're trying to make you feel guilty for feeling anything.
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People who say that have never lost anyone close.
[She says with pointed understanding, and despite Frank's not-insubstantial presence next to her she knows the hollow sensation that eats at him from the inside out. Evelyn reaches for the flask she brought and all but forgot about, offering it to him in exchange for the locket.
(It isn't that she's afraid of him losing it, or dropping it, but they're the only photographs she has of them.)]
They don't know you.
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[So many people diagnosing him, telling him what was 'wrong'. Like they knew. Even Red, with all his talk about redemption and salvation--yeah, that might work for him, but not Frank. You have to have something to save first.
He takes the flask, but doesn't drink, yet, just turning it over in his hands, after carefully handing the locket back. It's nt a matter of her trusting him not to lose it--the real trust was her showing it to him in the first place.
He does linger, letting the chain drop back into her hands. He wished he had a picture of his family. Not even to show. Just to have. Something other than his last memories of them. ]
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She understands. She built the archives out of this precise sentiment. What did Frank arrive here with? Himself, and his fury?
His own person, and questionable methods for information extraction. She won't begrudge him.]
No, we don't.
[She fastens the piece of jewelry back around her neck for safekeeping, fingers brushing the clasp before they fall back into her lap. Evelyn doesn't dawdle over the emotional wave he must be wading through but neither does she belittle it.]
You deserve better.
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It hadn't helped. He still had memories, but sometimes, they weren't comforting, sometimes, they seemed to rip into him again, like waking up from a beautiful dream to a brutal reality, over and over again.
A picture would have tied him to that past, maybe grounded him. He doesn't know. All he knows is that he doesn't have one. And the drink won't change that, but it will be a wedge of time and action between that thought and himself. ]
No. I don't. Not anymore.
[He hands the flask back to her, as if surrendering something else that wasn't his.]
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Evelyn doesn't retrieve the flask, letting it cook in his hand while her temple presses harder into the dense mass of his shoulder. Her brow furrows and she struggles with a means of wording what she wants to say, wanting to argue an otherwise moot point but knowing there are other things of interest besides fighting futility.
Burning questions.]
Why are you intent on protecting me? [She finally asks, tired fingers leaving him with the whisky. He needs it more than she does.] I trust you to be honest; don't dress it up in frippery.
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The flask becomes, suddenly, fascinating, and he turns it over in his hands a few times. Then a pause, to study the sky. Like the right answer's written on either of those things. ]
Because if what they say is true about the fifth death... [Shit, he's probably already halfway down a wrong road, and there's no turnaround.]
I don't want you to change. [She said no frippery, right? There you go, brutal honesty. ] At all.
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Practical reasons she expects based upon the execution of his public interrogation - she could die, become dangerous, and none of them would know it, not even Evelyn - and has no illusions about the position in which it has placed her.
But he surprises, with a concession that seems almost impossible to misconstrue into hyperbole.]
...that might be one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.
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I'm sorry.
[Shit, that sounds idiotic.]
I mean, if that's the nicest, that's a pretty shitty bar someone's set.
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But in a very unladylike manner Evelyn scoffs, smacking his bicep with the back of her hand - a gentle tap compared to the ear-ringing slap she so generously gave him in Tartarus.]
You're sincere. It's an underappreciated quality.
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Life's too unpredictable for bullshit. You hide the truth, and sometimes...you don't get the chance to tell the truth.
[How many times had he told his kids he loved them? Not enough. ]
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[Evelyn doesn't intend to fall back into wallowing - it's unseemly, to be so maudlin, she is made of adamantine and nothing less - but it's worth pointing out that Frank himself intended to keep her in the dark for her own protection before coming to terms with the simple fact that he couldn't.]
...now that you've said that, though, if you ever lie to me I'll be very cross.
[Which is the proper English way of saying that she'll hunt him down.]
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I won't lie to you, Evelyn. [Karen had told him he'd never lied to her. He hadn't. And this wasn't Karen, but she was someone else who had earned that much from him. ]
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What else is there but returning the favour? As if Evelyn was ever anything but transparent.]
I won't lie to you, Frank.
[A deeper fear - what happens if she dies again? what happens then? - runs concurrent to the quiet peace she feels leaning against what can only be described as a very warm rock of a person, but it isn't strong enough to pull her out to sea.]
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[He owes her, for the whole...yeah, that thing. And then the levels. ]
Should probably get you inside before you get cold. [He's fine, but women, you know, all delicate and shit.]
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[She wouldn't have ever lied to him anyway, regardless of the fact that she can't execute falsehoods convincing enough to save her own skin. If she did so it would be a red letter day.
Evelyn manages not to snort again at the suggestion.]
And I'm not a soufflΓ©, I won't fall over with a light breeze. You forget how much time I've spent in the desert.
[Days that melt your very clothing to your skin, and nights that fall to nearly freezing.]
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[Classic not-worth-arguing about.]
Spent enough time, myself. But there's no breeze from the water in the desert. [A HA, Evelyn. Damp air: surely a thing to keep ladies safe from.]
You planning to stay out here till sunrise?
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Are you my governess?
[She asks crisply, no sincere fight in the words.]
Don't tell me I have a curfew.
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I doubt your parents would have appreciated the lessons I'd've taught you.
[Not exactly ladylike to learn how to kill a man with a pen, for one thing. Though, from what he's seen, she'd have been a pretty apt student.]
Not a curfew. Just, you know, other people might be worried about you.
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