entranceway | one; audio {with bitter words, that's how the boy talks.}

[Jason woke up inside the mansion, gave it all a cursory look-through, and promptly noped the hell on out of there. Ain’t nobody got time for this Wonderland theme park bullshit - especially not the Red Hood.

Of the available options, the forest seemed like the best way out, so that’s where Jason is now, trampling through the brush, snapping twigs underfoot as he mutters his complaints into the comm device:]

This would be going a lot easier if there had been any vehicles worth taking …

[The sounds of movement stop, and Jason sighs loudly. He is Officially Lost, and he wasn’t in the best mood to begin with, so he’s understandably a little tense in addressing whoever might be listening.]

All right, this is officially stupid, and I don’t have time for stupid. Got much bigger fish to fry, so I’ll get right to the point. Whose head do I have to stuff in a duffel bag to get a map of the way out of here? Tick tock, losers, answer fast – Daddy doesn’t like being kept waiting.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Heads in duffel bags aren’t actually going to be the best way to get yourself out of here, weirdly. But going too deep into the forest is a pretty surefire way to get yourself lost and dead, and then you’ll just wake up back in the mansion anyway, and without any helpful information about this place. So I’d definitely advise against that.

Wouldn't be the first time I didn't stay dead, [he mutters, and sighs loudly. Then, more directly:] Noted. So if it's not in the forest, where is all the helpful information about this place?

[Cissie totally caught that first part, and she definitely is intrigued; it's not something that seems common in other worlds, but at least two of her best friends have done the whole died-and-came-back thing, so. She pauses, and hums a little.] ...Huh. That's not--actually a thing for most people here. I mean, it happens sometimes where I'm from, but...

[Right, focus!] Anyway! The mansion you left to go traipsing through the woods, for starters. There's a library with basically anything you want, and a few resident-made brochures. They're a pretty good place to start. I'll send them to you.

[And she does. Whether or not he wants them. Have the Official Wonderland Brochure, and also Dipper and Mabel's Guide to Wonderland sent as attachments, Jason. Hope you enjoy reading. There's lots of good info in these.]

[Jason does like books, so the fact that there's a library to peruse is the tiniest silver lining. He doesn't expect that it will have any information of real value, but it's at least a place to start. He goes quiet, skimming through the brochures. The existence of different realities isn't exactly mind-blowing, but damn, this is a lot of bullshit to parse.]

So are you the official welcome wagon here? [Thanks, or something like that.]

[She laughs at that, but it's more of a surprised laugh than anything else.]

Yeah, that's me. Cissie King-Jones, Keeper of the Welcome Wagon. Any special requests for the gift basket for your room? We're fresh out of vehicles, duffel bags and any kind of transportation devices, but we've got plenty of fruit.

[...There is no guarantee that she won't actually come up with a welcome to wonderland gift basket, because some opportunities are too good to pass up. And she doesn't know who you are yet.]

Got any C4? Nothing says welcome like explosives. Keeps a lot better than fruit, too.

[Why is she being so nice to him? It's weird and he's done nothing to encourage it. Color Jason mildly baffled.]

Yeah, totally out of that, too. It's really strange, but explosives don't actually say welcome to most people here. They tend to say incoming death or what the hell is Rick up to this time or even dear god did someone rip a hole to the mirror side again what kind of murder awaits us now, instead. I guess we're a little jumpy around here, or something.

That said, I can totally get you some really interesting fruit, like a pomegranate. Even kumquats, if they're your thing. Who doesn't love a kumquat? Or at least love saying kumquat, I don't actually know if I've ever had one. What about you, Mystery Man? Are you a fan of the kumquat? Or just explosives and violence?

Can't I pick all of the above? [Jason finds himself laughing under his breath, despite everything.] I don't even think I know how to spell kumquat, much less what they look like.

Sure, why not? We've all been kidnapped to a children's book that wants to kill us, why shouldn't we get all the fancy fruit we can think of? Whether or not we can spell them. Do you have a name, and have you picked out a room yet? You know, for deliver purposes. And a fancy gift tag, so no one sees it and thinks it's meant for them by mistake.

[Look out, Jason: when Cissie says 'fancy,' she means 'glitter.' Fancy=glitter. Glittery welcome to wonderland gift tag.]

Name's John Doe.

[Which is a lie, but it might as well be true. Jason Todd doesn't exist anymore as a legally traceable identity, and Jason Todd the person died years ago, so he probably shouldn't exist.]

No room yet. I wasn't planning on staying long.

[It's difficult for him to accept even just this small bit of kindness. Experience has taught him to distrust, to search for hidden trip wires, because surely it must be a trap.]

You don't actually have to give me anything, y'know.

Okay, I'm not even going to give you grief about giving a fake name, because you're new and we're all strangers at this point. But I will deduct points for originality.

Also if I leave your gift basket in the lobby labeled "John Doe," how will I know the right John Doe picks it up?

And don't give me too much credit, because it's not like I'm spending money or going to the store. I'm just going to ask the closet for a ton of crazy fruit, and have some fun with a glue gun.

[OK, forget the fake name, forget the fruit basket and the glitter - that one thing is suddenly the only thing Jason can think about.]

Why're you being so nice to me?

[It's not expected, not normal. Jason's got a pretty good gauge for weirdos, and she doesn't seem like one. This all reads to Jason as genuine.]

Should I not be? I'm nice to most people. It's kind of my thing. That and, you know. Follow the Golden Rule? Treat others as you want to be treated?

[He huffs quietly, too dry to count as a laugh.]

That actually works? Always seemed like a good way of getting yourself walked all over, or worse.

Eh, sometimes it doesn't. But then I just feel all the more justified in, like, kicking them in the shins after. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Or something like that.

But generally speaking? It works more often than not. Plus, it makes me happy, so. Why not? You get a fruit basket, I get a good mood, everyone wins.

[It won't actually kill Jason to let someone do something nice for him, he knows this. He's just - stubborn as hell, used to looking after himself and being the only one to do it. Overfilled with trust issues, but his gut tells him that if she's working this hard for something this simple, she's either incredibly crazy or just as kind as she seems to be, and none of this reads to Jason as crazy.

It won't kill him to let her do this. Honestly, it won't.]

Well ... who am I to stand between you and a good mood?

[Congrats, Cissie, you've officially won Jason over.]

one; audio {with bitter words, that's how the boy talks.}

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