entranceway | Gifts to Friends and Secretest of Santas

Not knowing very much about his Secret Santa target's affections, Asgore decided to go with something he can do well, but which he feels that nearly anyone could enjoy.

He has put together a tea blending set with a variety of teas -- black, green, white, chai, rooibos -- and tea accents -- candied ginger, cornflower, safflower, orange peel, cinnamon, etc -- especially for one Jean Kirschstein. There is a beautifully handwritten list of suggested mixes depending on moods and tastes. It's all done up in an overly-large walnut box with glass jars nestled in velvet-lined cubbyholes, and number of silver measuring spoons. Basically what I'm saying is it's classy af. You can tea for days with this, son.

Frisk: Gets a handwritten note that says "Upon presentation, the bearer is to be presented with one (1) free hug; no purchase necessary, may be redeemed multiple times." Frisk also gets a blend of tea especially for them called "Determination." It tastes like peppermint and also somehow the flavor of tem flakes(tm). There is also a serviceable pencil drawing of a large goat man playing baseball with a marshmallow nubbin shaped child.

Chara: Gets a handwritten note that says "Upon presentation, the bearer is to be presented with one (1) free hug; no purchase necessary, may be redeemed multiple times." Chara also gets a blend of tea especially for them called "Dreemurr Sibling Blend (C)." It tastes like cinnamon and butterscotch and chocolate. There is also a macaroni art of a large goat person standing next to a smaller human child.

Asriel: Gets a handwritten note that says "Upon presentation, the bearer is to be presented with one (1) free hug; no purchase necessary, may be redeemed multiple times." Asriel also gets a blend of tea especially for him called "Dreemurr Sibling Blend (A)." It tastes like cinnamon and butterscotch. There is also an adequately rendered crayon drawing of Asriel with the caption "world's son-iest son."

Alphys: Gets a blend of tea especially for her called "Mew Mew Kissy Kitty Blend." It tastes like popato chisps and ramen flavor packets, somehow.

Mettaton: Gets a blend of tea especially for him called "GLAMBURGER." It's 50% black tea, 50% sequins.

Papyrus: Gets a blend of tea especially for him called "Royal Guard Blend (P)" It tastes like tomato sauce and garlic, somehow.

Sans: Gets a blend of tea especially for him called "Royal Guard Blend (S)." When you open it up, it's a pair of socks with cups of tea on them.

Undyne: Gets a note that reads "I hear you've come here but I haven't seen you around. Please, come visit me soon." She also gets a blend of tea especially for her called "Royal Guard Blend (U)." It tastes like Sea Tea. Very marshy.

Toriel: Gets a note that reads "It was very nice to be able to talk with you again, even if it was only because of those cookies. Please do take care. - Asgore."

Tim the Human: Gets a blend of tea especially for him called "Tim's Breakfast Blend." It tastes like coffee and donuts, which is probably not what you were expecting.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So you like it! Wonderful. I was so worried that you would not enjoy it, Jean Kirstien. I did not know what to get you, so I just applied my expertise... You see, I have had hundreds of years to... drink tea, and so I am something of a self-taught expert... in drinking it. And I asked myself what I would use for myself, and I decided to do go with that.

::He gives a sudden sigh of something approximating relief::

I cannot tell you how glad I am that you are not a robot or a ghost, though. I suppose until I arrived at your door that I did not consider the possibility of you being incapable of drinking liquids.

[What he would use for himself? So this giant goat monster thing was used to hardwood and velvet and silver and even tea, enough that he could separate blends into two dozen perfect little jars... It was strange, but that didn't lessen the quality of the thing. A gift like this might be one of the very, very few things in this would that could make Jean's stoic commanding officer crack a genuine smile.]

Yeah, I'm... [Sorry about the stuttering, he'll get over it in a minute.] I'm just a human. I can drink tea. It's actually kind of a huge luxury where I'm from.

Really? Does it not grow well where you are from? You will forgive me, I do not know what most human lives are like, as I spent the entirety of my life living below the ground. Was it, uh, very cold where you lived?

::There's a strange sort of similarity between your lives, Jean. Trapped inside of a place for forever.::

[And ironically enough, there's an underground in Jean's world as well. Except monsters don't live there. Really poor humans do. It's also kind of a shitty place, if that's not too insulting.]

No, it'll grow. It's just, like, there's so many mouths to feed and only so much land, we're planting potatoes instead of stuff like tea.

Ah, you are from a small space without the possibility of expansion? I understand the feeling. I lived my entire life, before arriving here, trapped beneath Mt. Ebott. The caverns could only be extended so far.

Exactly. We lost a lot of land to the Titans, so stuff like tea and meat and sugar were all really rare. It was weird to have them all here when I first got here...

[Ah, he was rambling. Jean shook his head.]

Thanks a lot for this. Seriously, it's fit for a king.

Ah, well, perhaps because before my death I was a king for so very long, that my tastes run somewhat... kingly.

Really? A king?

[Jean's experiences with royalty, aside from their own Historia, were entirely awful. But this giant goat man seemed like a good guy, especially to give such a thoughtful gift... And he decided to let that "before my death" thing slide, because he's heard it before from different people, and it was probably a tough subject, when this exchange was supposed to be light-hearted.]

You've definitely got the stature...

Ah, yes, thank you. I work out. I was the King of the Monsters in the Underground for, well, more years than anyone can really remember, aside from myself, and my ex-wife.

Oh, so you're another "monster"? Like those skeleton guys?

[Yeah, Jean's aware of the Undertale cast. There certainly are enough of you guys!]

Ah, yes, the skeleton guys are both former Royal Guards in my employ. They were to guard Winter against any incursions from humans. They, it seems, were not particularly good at this job.

Sans and Papyrus? And you picked them for it?

[Jean can't help but laugh.]

Not surprised that didn't turn out well. I think Sans goes out of his way to do nothing whenever he can get away with it. And Papyrus seems pretty easily distracted.

You will have to talk with the Captain of my Royal Guard, Undyne, as to that. I did not do the hiring, personally. That fell under her purview. She... must have seen something in them, certainly.

Sounds like you need to look into new getting a new Captain. [He remarked in a joking tone.] But, whatever works for you, I guess. Must be nice to have all your subjects here with you.

Undyne is very enthusiastic. I would never ask her to curb her attitude. She is very passionate about most things, including her job.

It is, indeed, very nice to have many of my former subjects here. Tell me, do you have any friends from your home here with you, Jean Kirschstein?

Better than having someone who doesn't care, I guess. A lot of people want to rise to power just for their own sake.

No. And I've been here awhile. [He shook his head.] But I learned that a long time ago, a lot of them were here though. I used the communicator to search back and read about everything they did. I looks like I just ended up here too late.

Ah. Well. Maybe some of them will return again. My son was here, then left, then returned again. You can be here to greet them when they arrive, and teach the whatever it is that they need to know.

I don't have my hopes up. [Jean tried not to sound so...sad about that.] But thanks anyways. I'm not a sociable guy, but I've still managed to make a couple of friends here. [So he wasn't lonely, at least.]

Ah, it is good to make friends when in a new place. I have a friend or two, myself, beyond the Monsters and Humans from my world who have also arrived here.

Gifts to Friends and Secretest of Santas - Target Jean Kirschstein

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