video;

[keephersafe]

[Okay, R, just breathe. Well, don't breathe, but relax, because if you don't, you're going to stammer your way through this so badly that no one is going to get the right idea about what you're saying.

After Liv's post a few days ago, what R is about to do has been on his mind a great deal. He doesn't use the network often, and rarely to post something for himself, but this...

This is important.

There's no lighting or angle that really catches this guy's 'best side', because with the greyish pallor, pewter-coloured eyes and dark veins inching their way up the sides of his neck there is really no 'good side' to capture, but give him a break, he's doing his best.]

Um-- hi.

['Good start. Now carry on before you start to look like an idiot.']

There's s... something I have t-.. to say. I haven't... been trying to lie t-... to anyone. What Liv... what Liv said - I'm the same. Not... Not exactly the... same.

[That one's a given, probably, with the way there's no chance he's passing as Living, and the problematic speech impediment.]

I'm... I'm a z-.. zombie too. I don't want t... to hurt anyone. I just... don't want to be sh-.. shot at. [You know, if it's not too much trouble.]

Okay. Mm... thanks.

Comments

[spiritofgoodness]

Oh, my. Well. That could be a good thing, perhaps?

[ She doesn't suggest that it is, she's merely asking. But who would want to remember their actual death, or the world falling apart? ]

[keephersafe]

[Shrug...]

M-maybe.

[That one memory he'd seen comes back to him again - that blank-faced young man who looked so much like him, impassively watching his mother stabbed to death. What other terrible things had that person done? Would they be things that he would want to remember?]

Don't know i... if I was a g-good person... before.

[spiritofgoodness]

[ Snow frowns a little. ]

I can certainly see how that might be a double-edged sword. But shouldn't all that matters while you're in Wonderland, what you do here? There's nothing you can do about the past.

[keephersafe]

... No.

[Nothing you can do about the past. She's right, and maybe it's just as well that his whole past is a hazy memory of black and white smeared with blood-red, back to the night he woke up hungry in the forest and no further.]

Hard to be good... like this. But... I try.

[spiritofgoodness]

What makes it difficult, R?

[ She feels like she knows the answer, but she might as well ask anyway. ]

[keephersafe]

[R sighs. His hands fidget in his lap and he hates these kinds of questions because he hates going into detail about the kinds of things he has to do just to stay functional.]

We eat people. [There. The words.] I... do. Not be... cause I want to.

[spiritofgoodness]

Oh. I mean, I assumed. But does that mean there's something always telling you to attack to eat?

[ Snow's being gentle and not assuming, not moving away, not suddenly afraid. She doesn't think he would have told everyone all of this if he was an immediate threat. ]

[keephersafe]

[He hesitates, but nods.

There's always something. It's quiet, usually, but there's always something gnawing in the pit of his stomach like a starving animal, ready to leap up and roar at the first provocation.

He doesn't want it to take over. He won't let it.]

I'm... fighting it.

[spiritofgoodness]

[ Reaching out, she takes his hand gently in hers and then covers the top of it with her other hand. ]

You're trying. And if there's ever anything I can do to help, I don't know exactly what that would be, but I'd like to.

[keephersafe]

[Oh, this is new. A lot of people don't act like they're going to shoot him right in the face, but not a lot of them actually touch him. He stares at her hand for several seconds before swallowing once and pulling in a quick, slightly raspy breath.]

If I... figure it out... I'll let you know.

[spiritofgoodness]

[ Snow's nature is to help, it always will be, she can't resist. And until or unless he gave her a reason not to want to, it's her opinion that he doesn't deserve her fear or reluctance to interact with him like a normal person. ]

Perfect. You can always contact me on the device. For now, I would imagine you have quite a few people to respond to. I can leave you to it, if you'd like.