entranceway | [video forever]

[Eleanor isn't...great about being vulnerable as it is. But it's even worse knowing how many people she's about to open up to. So she takes a deep breath before she actually speaks, letting it out in a slow sigh. And gives the most forced smile ever.]

So...hi. I uh. I was gone, for a bit. Went back to my world and stuff happened and now I'm here again. And it kind of means my memory is all over the place, because, surprise, Michael reset my memory again while I was back there. And I'm kind of...having a hard time. I can't even remember which room was mine.

[Eugh, that was so honest and sincere. She closes her eyes, as if it doesn't count if she isn't looking. Honestly it doesn't work at all, and she stares into the camera again, expression tight.]

Just. What do you guys do to like...ignore how fucked up the inside of your head is? Fuck, nobody else is probably dealing with this. My point is I need a distraction, or maybe a head injury. Suggestions welcome. So. Bye, I guess.

[She scowls, annoyed at how that fell apart at the end, but. Fuck, she tried, right?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The inside of my head is pretty fucked up. Usually I try to spend time with people I care about who care about me. Or I destroy everything in the destruction room to get some feelings out. ...or I have a drink even though I'm sixteen.

( her arms fold loosely across her chest. )

...but I'm grateful to say I haven't had my memories messed with like that. Yet.

I'm sorry.

After the last time I was here, I'm done with trying to drink shit away, I think.

[She...isn't sure she has anyone here who cares about her, actually. She can't find Michael, and honestly she isn't sure how she feels about the guy right now. Her head's a mess, and while she knows he was trying to help, right now she's just annoyed about it.]

...We have a destruction room?

Yeah, it doesn't really seem to help. Just makes it easier to turn things off for a little bit.

( But eventually, it wears off, and that's that. Clementine nods at the second question. She thought about making a post more recently since it's been awhile since they originally made the room, but- )

I made it with a friend here awhile ago. It's a room we made with a lot of shit that's really breakable and lots of weapons to break all of it. It's pretty...cathartic.

Sounds like it. I guess real destruction is better than self destruction. Although sometimes they're probably the same.

[Like when she set an ex-boyfriend's Xbox on fire. Not that she understood at all that that was self destructive at the time.]</ small>

It sounds like a nice distraction, though. Thanks for mentioning it.

And, um, if you ever want to talk. It turns out I'm kind of a great person to talk things out with, despite my whole...everything. It really sucks that you're feeling fucked up already. But I've been there. Probably not the same exact there, but you know. Definitely didn't have an ideal childhood.

...sometimes they're definitely the same.

( Clementine smirks softly, because she's been there. She has destroyed things around her, because she was so reckless, self-destroying. She tilts her head to the side with a softer expression on her face. )

I think it's probably because of your whole... everything that you're maybe a good person to talk things out with. And I am too or I've tried to be better lately. I won't... judge anything.

( She wouldn't really. She's done some really terrible shit so she doesn't have the right to. ) What... happened in your childhood?

My parents just didn't...parent. They like, gave me a place to stay and food and stuff, but otherwise I had to sort of raise myself. And sort of parent them instead? Like it was normal for me to drive them home from the drunk tank, or pay the electricity bill when they spent everything on penny slots.

[But they weren't abusive. And she got out as soon as she could. And now her mom is, like...better? So it's weird saying any of it was a big deal. It could be so much worse.]

What about you?

...shit, that's really rough. Parents are supposed to take care of you. Not the other way around. You had to be the grown up when you were still a kid. I'm sorry.

( She can relate to that part even if it was in a different way. Her parents were amazing. They took care of her. They made sure she had everything she could want including a tree house, and she's grateful she got to experience that for the first eight years of her life. )

The... apocalypse happened when I was eight. Dead people were coming back as walkers. Zombies. Everything went to shit after that.

Uhhh, holy shit. Yeah, that sounds awful. But also, good job surviving? Because I don't know if I would manage.

[Jesus.]

Is it...better here?

You learn. And a lot of shit's based on luck or just being really, really stubborn.

( Or having people willing to sacrifice, to take that hit instead. )

Yeah, it is. All the food and clothing and weapons you could want. There are only Walkers during Events. No raiders or people who want to stab you in the back. ....for the most part. ( Without the need to survive, people are far nicer over all. )

[She can do stubborn, if she has to. Kinda nice to hear that's a good thing, somewhere.]

Yeah, honestly a lot of that's probably true for people just...living a normal life. Well, "normal". [She does finger quotes.] Like, no bills. No having to worry about getting pregnant or losing your job or anything.

You'd think there'd be more people who'd rather be here, given all that. Especially those of us whose alternative is being dead. Although I guess that depends on your afterlife situation.

Yeah, you can even die a few times, and it's fine. But bills might be preferable to some of the Events around here.

( Clementine's actually never paid bills so she can't say that she knows. Some of the Events are nice, and she's sure that's better, but for the dangerous ones? Maybe not so much.

She frowns. )

...your alternative is being dead?

[video forever]

private.

[private forever]

no subject

no subject

no subject

lol whoops that's what i get for phone tagging

lol it's no big :)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject