entranceway | text; locked to owen harper -> forward-dated to after the event

[Owen's having another insomniac night himself, and so he's still awake when Ianto texts, though Clara's already asleep. He rolls over and grabs his mobile, squinting at the screen to read it before he texts back.]

Unfortunately. You want something?

[Ianto winces at the first word, hoping it doesn't mean that he had woken the other man up with his text, but then again he could have just ignored him if he did. He takes a few moments to figure out what he wants to say, before responding.]

I can't sleep, and I thought. Well, if you're free. I've got a bottle of Penderyn whiskey from the magic closet with our name on it if you're in.

[Obviously there's more to this that he's not just going to come out and admit through text, but. It's definitely there.]

[Owen thinks about it for a moment - but it's certainly not as if he's doing anything better, and at least if he's drinking with Ianto, he won't be alone in the dark with his thoughts. In fact, it sounds like an excellent idea.]

Be there in a minute.

[Clara shifts as Owen starts to get out of bed, murmuring something sleepily, and he leans over and kisses her, telling her where he'll be. He grabs his glasses from the nightstand and pulls a t-shirt on, then heads over to Ianto's room, tapping on the door.]

[Ianto has a moment to contemplate making himself more presentable than the t-shirt and shorts that he's been wearing to bed lately (when he wears clothes to bed that is but Owen doesn't need to know the details about his sleep habits when Jack is around) before deciding that it doesn't matter, he doesn't have anyone to impress, it's just Owen. After all, he's stayed in the other man's room for weeks even. Still. It's not like the pair of them were exactly having nights like this all the time. Or at all. No matter though.

When Owen knocks on the door, Ianto answers it, pajamas and all, taking in the sight of Owen - obviously just risen from bed himself, with his glasses on and all - before letting him in, shutting the door behind him.]

Hey. Jack's out wandering. I'm not sure when he'll be back, but probably not for hours still. [He says, explaining the other man's absence. Jack likes to wander, when he can't sleep, and when he thinks Ianto himself won't notice.]

[With Ianto finally out of their room, Owen doesn't always wear clothes to bed, either. But clothes aren't as big a deal to Owen as they are to Ianto, and he thinks nothing of turning up in a t-shirt and his shorts (hell, he wears t-shirts to work half the time anyway). He's a little self-conscious about being seen in his glasses, but it's too bloody late at night to deal with putting his contacts in and taking them out again later.]

We're a pathetic bunch, aren't we? Insomniacs, the lot of us.

[Owen makes himself at home without even asking, flopping down in a chair and propping his head up with one hand as he watches Ianto.]

[Owen self-conscious about his glasses, Ianto self-conscious about his t-shirt and shorts. They make quite the pair, the two of them, worrying over what would be nothing to other people.

He shrugs in response to Owen's statement, before turning to busy himself over by the bureau, where the bottle of whiskey and a couple of tumblers are sitting.] At least Clara's asleep, yeah? One of us has to be the normal one sometimes.

[He doesn't object to Owen making himself at home, instead simply turning to hand him a tumbler of whiskey and sitting himself down on the small couch next to it.] Here. [he says, quietly.] I'm going to hope I didn't wake you, since I can't imagine why you'd be here if I had.

[Owen's never liked wearing glasses, but he likes them even less now that he's found out that his mirror wears them as well - and all the time, where he prefers contacts. (It only makes sense, he supposes, but it's a little thing that he finds irritating.) He thinks he looks ridiculous with them on, but at least Ianto doesn't seem to be inclined to say anything about it.]

For once. She has trouble sleeping, too, after what happened to her back home. [He takes the glass with his free hand, frowning a little before he takes a sip.] But no, you didn't wake me. Figured a little nightcap might be just the thing to help me get to sleep.

Yeah... [Ianto nods and thinks about commenting about Jack's sleeping habits, but then he frowns and stays quiet, taking a sip of his drink instead. He's not sure what Owen will think is oversharing and what he won't. It's alright for Owen to share details about Clara, but with him and Jack...? He doesn't know where the line is drawn, especially since they all know each other from back at Torchwood. He doesn't want to think about all of the different reasons why Jack has trouble sleeping. He's been there for the nightmares when he's actually slept and dreamed. Of course, Jack's been there for his as well. He wouldn't wish their burden on anyone. But he wishes that he could take some away from the other man. Which is part of the reason he's as troubled at the moment as he is.

It's obvious that there's something on Ianto's mind. It's also obvious that he's not quite sure how to bring it up, here and now, to Owen, over drinks in the middle of the night.]

[Owen raises an eyebrow at Ianto's silence. At one point in time, he would've let it slide, wouldn't have wanted to comment - of course, he wouldn't have been over here drinking in the middle of the night in the first place, back then. But now Ianto's a friend (and Owen's a little surprised to realise that he actually has people he considers friends, after spending so much time pushing others away), and he's pretty sure that means he's supposed to press the issue and get him to talk.

(Look, just because he's got friends doesn't make him any good at dealing with them and their problems. But at least he's willing to try now.)

He takes another drink, then sighs, turning to Ianto.]

All right, what's bothering you?

[Ianto tips hie head back, resting it against the back of the sofa as he contemplates how exactly best to phrase it.]

...it's Jack. [He shakes his head.] No, that doesn't sound right. Things are going well between us. Great, even. It's just. He doesn't know. He doesn't know what happened to me, since he's from a time before mine. And I. [It's a hard secret to have to keep to himself. Ianto's not sure that he wants to keep it anymore, even. But he knows that Jack will blame himself, when he finds out. He knows what happened the last time. Can he go through that again, if it does?

He rolls his head to look at Owen.] Do you think I should tell him?

[Owen's a little surprised to find that Jack's from an earlier point in his timeline than before. He hadn't asked; it's not really the sort of thing that he feels comfortable discussing. But he can definitely see where that might make things slightly awkward for Ianto. However, he doesn't hesitate before he answers.]

Of course you should. If there's one thing I've learnt about this place, it's that secrets don't stay hidden for long. If you don't tell him, Ianto, then he'll find out in the worst bloody way possible. And as bad as you think it'll be if you tell him - can you imagine how he'll feel when he finds out that you didn't?

[Ianto runs his hand through his hair, swearing under his breath slightly. Damn it, Owen has a point. What if Jack finds out through some sort of vision, what if he sees what happened before Ianto can tell him personally?]

I've already been keeping it from him for so long... It's not going to be good, either way. And even worse, if he starts blaming himself again, if he doesn't bloody listen to me for once when I tell him that it isn't his fault... [He sighs.] I don't want to make him miserable by telling him. But I can't keep it a secret from him forever.

I can't fucking believe I'm the one encouraging honesty for once. [Owen snorts, shaking his head. A lot of stuff in Wonderland is exceedingly ironic, given his former habits, but this one really takes the cake.]

Look, by that logic, the longer you wait to tell him, the worse it's gonna be. Get it all off your chest and just bloody deal with whatever happens. It might be shit, I'm not going to pretend that isn't a definite possibility, but you've at least got to try.

[Ianto takes a moment to swirl his drink around in his glass, contemplating the situation and the color of it. The other man's right, though. He needs to just get it out there. He needs to just be frank with Jack. Ianto's sure that he's already got some idea that he's keeping something from him already. Coming clean...would at least solve that problem.]

Well. If you suddenly hear a lot of crashing about in here and wind up with either of us at your door in a right state, I suppose you'll know what happened. [He comments, slightly bitterly.]

You're welcome to kip on my couch if you need to, you know that. Even if it does interfere with my sex life. [Owen sighs with mock exasperation; it's not like it had stopped him and Clara entirely, after all.]

Oh, right, I'm supposed to say something reassuring, aren't I? [He takes another long drink.] I think you're making more out of this than it's likely to be - I mean, yeah, he blamed himself last time, I won't deny that, but the both of you had only just gone through it at home. The trauma was still fresh for him - for both of you. I think it'll be different this time 'round.

[Ianto takes a large sip of his drink. He's not the one to say whether or not he'll end up on Owen's couch again or not, or when. If not because of this, then because of something else at some point. But at least he has the option. There's a certain sense of comfort in that fact.]

Making more out of this than it's likely to be. Because I've never done that before... [Ianto shoots Owen a quirk of a smile to tell him that yes, he's joking, and he does appreciate the other man's words of advice, as far as all of this is concerned.]

[Owen grins at Ianto, chuckling a little. He'd always thought back home that Ianto had a stick up his arse, but things between them are much more relaxed here, and Ianto's even cracked a few jokes now and then.]

'Course not. Nor have any of us. [He snorts, shaking his head.] Still. At least everything's all right at the moment. Calm before the storm, and all that.

[Ianto shakes his head, swirling his drink around in his glass, settling further down into the sofa as he does.] Calm before the storm... [He can only hope that that storm won't destroy everything that they've built for themselves in the last while since Jack returned.] Something like that, yeah.

...I'll talk to him. I can't guarantee it'll work out quite the way I'd like, but I'll talk to him.

All the talks I've had lately have turned out alarmingly well. It's a bit worrying, actually. I keep waiting to fuck up, waiting for things to crash down or burst into flame or what have you, and it never happens. [Owen snorts wryly, draining his glass in one gulp.] Probably means that it's all going to implode spectacularly at some point, knowing my life.

[Ianto snorts into his glass.] God forbid that anyone from Torchwood actually enjoy their life, for once. [He doesn't know exactly what's been going on in Owen's life lately, but he's willing to bet that whatever's been going on that it's been pretty good. Maybe Owen will even share with him now - Clara and him have been surprisingly mum on the topic, other than the fact that the pair of them are fairly happy with each other.]

[He nods to Owen's empty glass.] Refill?

Like you even had to ask. [Owen passes his empty glass over to Ianto gladly; it really is a very nice whiskey, though he doesn't exactly have much in the way of trouble drinking inferior booze, either.] Apparently Clara and I are sort of officially living together now. Which is news to me, because I thought we already were, but. Well. I'm not going to argue technicalities with her.

[Ianto takes the empty glass, tipping back the rest of his own before rising to give the pair of them both refills. At the mention of the word 'official' he turns to raise an eyebrow at Owen. He'd sort of already thought they were officially living together already as well. He makes his way back, handing Owen his refill, before he speaks.]

I had rather thought so as well. I take it this means that Clara's the one to finally be on board with officially living together?

[Owen shrugs as he takes the glass from Ianto, sipping it a little more slowly this time.] We don't really do talking about feelings and shit much. Sort of a mutual avoidance thing, you know? [He's sure Ianto can guess how little he likes to do it, at any rate.] But sometimes I guess she goes from not wanting labels to actually wanting them. Girls make no sense sometimes.

Not really, no. [Ianto understands. He had been in a serious relationship with a girl, once upon a time, after all. And Owen knows that, considering he saw that crash and burn right in front of his eyes. He also knows that he's with Jack, and has been with Jack for a while now, and the man isn't exactly a stalwart example about sharing much of anything personal with another. In fact, Ianto more often than not has to pry a lot of personal information out of the other man, or has simply just become so attuned to reading his moods and actions that he doesn't need to as often anymore. But still. He can understand how little either of them would want to talk about 'feelings and shit', as Owen so delicately described it.]

Still though. You must have had some sort of conversation to have come to that conclusion, yeah? [Ianto Jones, as astute as ever.]

[The thing with Clara and Owen is that they're both so used to hiding what they feel and pushing others away that actually expressing their true feelings is terrifying. Owen's been hurt enough that he's afraid to give anyone else that much power over them; Clara's never even allowed anyone to get that close in the first place. So all their talks involve delicately dancing around topics they desperately want to avoid, and, as a result, it's nearly impossible to actually accomplish much of anything.]

Sort of, yeah. I was a right tosser to her during that event, and she was afraid I wouldn't want her back. [He grimaces at the memory, taking a healthy drink of his whiskey.] I was afraid she wouldn't want me after the way I treated her. You know, typical communication problems.

[Ianto raises his eyebrows at the other man.] To be fair, you were a right tosser to all of us during that event, but I think she was probably the one to deserve an apology the most, yeah. [Ianto had had an impressive couple of bruises that he'd had to recover from after their fistfight at the party after all. It had made him look rough along the edges for the times that he didn't cover it up.]

Typical communication problems that I'm guessing the pair of you resolved. Hoping that you have, at least. And somewhere during this conversation you established that you were living together. Officially. [Ianto raises his eyebrows again, watching Owen for some reaction or response.]

If it makes you feel any better, Luke definitely isn't interested in you. He said you're too old for him. [Owen flashes him a teasing grin, but sobers quickly.] I am sorry, though. For egging Luke on, and for punching you.

Well, I think you would've found out sooner if we hadn't resolved them. [Since both Owen and Clara probably would've been utterly miserable if they hadn't.] But yeah, that, among other things. Like telling her that calling me her boyfriend was perfectly fine.

[Ianto shoots Owen an incredulous look at the 'too old' comment. Seriously? Too old? He's only 26. Well. He supposes it's a fair age older than Luke, but still. Thinking of himself as too old... It's laughable. And depressing. He'll take the apology though. That punch had hurt.] Thanks.

[He wrinkles his nose slightly at the term 'boyfriend'. He was a boyfriend once. He can't imagine being one now. Of course, he isn't sure what to label himself and Jack as, but it's definitely not 'boyfriends'.] Well. The pair of you really did have a conversation...

[He feels much the same way; if Ianto must be old to Luke, then he's practically bloody ancient.] He asked me first, you know, before he moved on to you. Anyway, apparently neither of us can hold a candle to a dashing young Musketeer when Luke's in his right mind. [Owen laughs, shaking his head.]

Oh, yeah. Not sure if boyfriend is really the right term - I mean, it's awfully teenager-ish, isn't it? - but I suppose it's the closest we can get, considering. [Considering that even though he loves Clara, he has absolutely no desire to propose to her or get married - as if anybody would want to get married in a place like this, even if they hadn't been turned off the whole concept years ago.]

[A dashing young Musketeer, huh? Ianto stores that information away for later, when he actually gets around to speaking to Luke again, after the silence that he's sure the pair of them are both grateful for.]

[Ianto shrugs in response to the boyfriend comment.] I'm not sure what else there would be for this, really. 'Partner' sounds a little... Well. [He tries to imagine himself introducing Jack as his partner himself, and frowns again, taking a sip of his drink. It wouldn't be entirely inaccurate, but. Jack and his frowning on labels and all, it makes it hard to think of them in any sort of context other than 'Jack and Ianto'.] God only knows what Jack's been telling anyone else about us though, so. At least the pair of you are on level ground.

It's been bloody ages since I had a girlfriend, though. [Or since he's been in a relationship, period. Diane doesn't exactly count, after all, and so he hasn't had a proper relationship with Katie.] I mean, I told her the first time we talked about it that I was happy just being us, no labels. And it's hardly as if anybody's really asked about it, you know?

[Ianto swirls his drink in his glass.] Some people need a definition of what the 'us' entails exactly. [He knows that he does himself, at times. A definition that Jack's definitely not going to supply him with. So he has to make do. He glances at Owen, questioning without actually asking whether that is the case for Clara as well.]

Suppose so, yeah. [He shrugs helplessly. Relationships are hard, okay? Especially when you're Owen, and not much of one for talking about feelings in general.] It's just hard putting yourself out there, you know? When you aren't sure how much is too much, or what the other person wants.

[Ianto takes another sip of his drink, mulling over that comment. He has similar problems himself, with Jack. Granted, he supposes that he's the more open of the pair of them, but still.] When you don't know whether what you're giving is too much and will push the other person away or not enough to make them stay... Yeah. I know. [He really, really does.]

Look, I. You'll never really know, though, yeah. Not without talking about it. And...putting yourself out there. And. God. [Ianto rests his head back against the couch. Everything he'd just advised Owen to do is equally applicable (albeit in a slightly different light) to his own problem with telling Jack about his death.] Guess I should start following my own advice sometime...

When I first met Clara, she didn't want anything more. She told me as much. I knew she was flirting with D'Artagnan, and I didn't really care, because...well, I thought I could have a little fun, hopefully get my end away, you know the drill. But that's why I didn't really know what it was safe to do or say when she wanted to...escalate things. [Because he'd gone and fallen in love with her without quite realising it, and he didn't know if she felt the same way about him.]

It's just strange, having to worry about this sort of thing again. Having to worry about whether or not you might accidentally hurt someone, as opposed to- well, hurting them on purpose, I suppose. It's like being a different person. [And he isn't really sure what to think about it.]

You thought that you could have a little fun, and yet... You waited as long as you did to sleep with her. [Ianto gives Owen a knowing look. Oh, Owen, you were falling for her whether you had intended to do so or not, all the signs were there right when Ianto showed up in the city.

Out of all the people to talk to, though, Ianto really does know what Owen is going through. He went through the same issues, falling for Jack. Is going through them now, really. And maybe his relationship with Jack is different from that of Owen and Clara's, but. He understands.] You could have never hurt her on purpose, though. Not Clara. I think perhaps that was your mistake.

She didn't want to, and I...I dunno. Used to be I wouldn't have stuck around after she made that clear, but... [But he hadn't this time, because he'd liked Clara. More than he should have, maybe.]

I didn't realise how much I'd changed. I'm so used to being, well, me that I didn't think of the possibility of anything else. I mean, I knew I didn't want all the one-night stands anymore, but a fucking relationship, that's something else entirely. It's bloody terrifying, Ianto.

[Ianto doesn't speak up and try to reassure Owen by saying that he's done it once before. Firstly, he's not sure whether Owen knows whether Ianto knows about Katie. Sure, it was all in his records, but they'd never discussed it, and the fact that Ianto had read through his files might not have sat well with the other man. For another thing, he knows that the fact that he let himself do it with Katie and then he lost her is entirely the reason that he's terrified. He's going to need to talk to to Clara to see if she has any such ghosts in her past that might lead her to be similarly hesitant to open up.]

It is. I know it is. But. [He glances sideways at the other man, chewing his lip as he tries to think of how much to say.] I think you're ready. Whether you believe it yourself or not, I think you are.

[Owen would react poorly to any mention of Katie, as Ianto probably knows. There's a reason why he doesn't tell anybody about her - several reasons, actually - and, when it comes down to it, he just doesn't like to talk about it. He'd rather everyone think of him as a callous asshole, even now.]

Well, thanks for that reassuring pep talk, Ianto. [His tone is sarcastic largely because he's not quite sure how to respond, and so it's simply easier to fall back on sarcasm.] I mean, I've technically been with her for - what, two months now? - so it might be a little delayed there. Could've used it more back in July.

[Ianto can't disguise the look of hurt that passes over his face as the other man turns back to sarcasm and caustic remarks. Maybe he understands that Owen is uncomfortable talking about the things that they have been, and maybe he should take it as a sign that he just needs to change the subject, that's it, but if Owen wants to hold onto the people he has - and Ianto thinks that he does, somewhere deep down inside, even if he's burying it - then he's got to learn how to not kneejerk people away like this.]

Well, you'll have to forgive me. Apparently I spent most of July watching the closest thing I had to a relationship slowly dissolve away until the man finally disappeared on me entirely, so I rather had other things on my mind. [In fact, things in Ianto's life had only really settled down recently, with the return of Jack, and with it, the return of Ianto's sense of normalcy. Owen had been there for the sleepless nights, after all, for more of the tears than Ianto had really wanted him to be.] But if you want to count the fact that I haven't really been in the advice-giving mood until recently against me, then fine. That's your game. I'm not playing it.

Hey, I wasn't holding it against you. [Owen's tone softens a little; he does feel bad for apparently hurting Ianto's feelings. He's not good at this friendship bollocks, any more than he is at relationships.] I didn't exactly expect you to give me advice then, anyway, 'cos you did have your own problems to deal with, and I'm not saying that what Jack did to you wasn't shit, because it pretty much was. [If he'd been in Ianto's shoes, he would've stopped tolerating Jack's shit long ago, but he can't fault Ianto for doing otherwise. He suspects it's the same desperate codependent love that he's often susceptible to himself.]

[They were having a moment. At least, Ianto had thought that they were having a moment, up until the point that Owen had broken it with his commentary. The fact that he had broken it was jarring, and Ianto has a harder time trying to figure out what to do with himself now that it's apparently abruptly over than he did while the moment was occurring. And then Owen mentions Jack. And maybe it's the hurt that's already coloring his thoughts thanks to the interruption or maybe it's the alcohol in his veins, or maybe some combination of both, that inspires Ianto to speak up rather than keep quiet like he might otherwise have done.]

[He glances at the other man, his expression still pretty hurt, despite whatever efforts Owen had made at trying to soften what he had said before.] It was a month, Owen. A month of my life spent being fucking useless on your couch, waiting for a man who had left me to maybe possibly return for me, hating him for being gone, for having left things the way he did, praying he'd come back to me because even after it all I still needed him here. I couldn't even be properly angry at him because I knew it wasn't his choice, it wasn't his fault. I wanted to get out of your hair because I didn't know whether you were letting me stay there because you actually wanted to or out of some sort of obligation because I was Torchwood and just about as pathetic as they came. I wanted to stay because where the hell else would I go that wouldn't be so damn lonely all the bloody time but right where I was.

So yeah, it was pretty shit, and I've only just gotten used to the idea that maybe it won't go back to that, but Jack still doesn't know that I've died and maybe it will go spiraling down that same damn path that it did before, but if it does I would really appreciate you being a friend and not being an arse when I'm only trying to say something to help you, alright? [Angrily, and more than a bit emotionally, Ianto tosses back the rest of his drink and slams his tumbler down on the coffee table, perhaps with a little force than he intended to but he's trying to make a point there as well.]

If you break your glass and slice your fucking hand open because you're trying to be dramatic, I'm not giving you any anaesthetic when I stitch you up.

[Owen knows he deserves to be told off, and he really does feel bad for Ianto, as much as he ever feels bad for anyone - and it has to be said that he has been more sympathetic here than he ever has been in his life, whether that's because of Clara or because he's made a concerted effort to change after dying and coming back (twice), or a combination of both. But whatever it is, it hasn't been enough to change him entirely. He might be trying, but he's still an arse, still not good with people.]

I'm not sure why you expect anything of me other than being a prick. Tosh was the last person to do that, and look where it got her. [Owen laughs humourlessly as he polishes off his own drink.] She tried to be nice to me, and I shouted at her and broke my own goddamn finger to drive her off. I'm a shit friend, a shit boyfriend, a shit- well, everything else. So maybe I'll keep making smart-arsed remarks, because I don't know what the fuck else to do, but when things go to shit, Ianto, I'll still be there to pick up the pieces and haul your arse back onto my sofa, same as you'd do for me if I needed it. I'm not fucking nice, and I don't pretend to be a good person, no matter what Clara might think, and I sure as fuck wouldn't keep you around just because I'm taking pity on you. I'm not good at talking about feelings and shit, all right? I mean, that's what we were just fucking talking about, Christ. I walk on eggshells a lot around Clara, so just- please, don't make me do it with you, too.

[Ianto leaves the glass on the coffee table where he'd placed it, moving to run his hands through his hair and fighting back the urge to make a frustrated sound, instead breathing deeply and trying to get himself to calm down. The last thing he needs is an actual row with Owen. Whether the other man approves or is even aware of the fact, he is rapidly becoming Ianto's best mate, and Ianto doesn't want to ruin that just because he can't accept that Owen had a moment where he was...well, himself, in the middle of their conversation.]

You don't need to walk on eggshells around me. [he says, after a moment's pause] Just. Don't shit in my face, yeah? Not like that. I was only trying to help. You've already done so much for me in this place already, I. Would have liked to return the favor. At least a little. [He shakes his head.] Never mind, it doesn't matter. [Actually, yes, it does. That much is clear on Ianto's face. But he really wants Owen to be able to be candid with him, so. He supposes he needs to be better with rolling with the punches. Even when those punches actually really do hurt.]

Yeah, I- I'm sorry. It's just sort of an automatic defence mechanism, you know? Being a wanker whenever anyone tries to show me the slightest bit of kindness. [His shoulders slump a little and he glances down, away from Ianto.] Used to do it to keep people away, 'cos I didn't want them getting close. Suppose it's kind of pointless now, between you and Clara, but it still happens sometimes. I don't mean it, Ianto, not really.

[He tips some more whiskey into his glass, swirling it for a few moments before he takes a drink.] And I do appreciate it, you listening and not, well, laughing at me. I'd probably laugh at me, because I'm bloody ridiculous. I mean, I fucking love her so much it hurts, Ianto, and I can't say it to her because part of me's positive that if I do, I'll lose her, because that's just how my entire shitty life has been. That's how fucking Torchwood is. And no matter how many times she tries to tell me it'll change and we won't lose each other, that she's impossible and fate-defying and all that nonsense, I just- I can't, Ianto. I've lost enough in my life and I can't do it again. You know what happened last time, because you were bloody well there. [In fact, Ianto shot him, but he's just not going to mention that fact.]

Edited 2013-09-23 06:27 (UTC)

[Ianto appreciates the apology from Owen. He knows how rare it is to get one out of the other man, after all. It shows how far they've come as friends, really. He appreciates the admittance that he was just doing it for self-preservation, to keep himself out of arm's reach, rather than because he actually had meant it. Maybe Ianto could have reasoned that out eventually, but it did his emotions good to hear it straight from the source.

He's glad that Owen appreciates him for who he is, for the listening. God knows he probably wouldn't be able to open up to the other man in quite the same way, not without things getting uncomfortable. Because he's involved with Jack and despite what Owen might say or pretend on the matter, Jack is the man's captain. But this, moments and conversations like the one that they were having now? He can do this, certainly.

And yes, Ianto was there the last time Owen lost someone. And he'd barely known Diane for a week. Clara he'd been getting to know, dating, for months now. But. Ianto's starting to get it, what's scaring Owen the most. Not the relationship itself, but letting himself have one and then losing it. It's much the same motivation that's kept Ianto from talking to Jack thus far. The fear of loss. Losing something that's truly special to him.

Ianto struggles to find words that will both be meaningful and also something that Owen won't toss aside for making him too uncomfortable.] This isn't like last time. And Clara isn't Diane. You're not the same person now you were then either, for that matter. [He glances at the other man.] Look, I'm not going to try and give you some sort of pep talk. You've made it pretty clear you wouldn't appreciate anything like that. But. It's okay. To be afraid. But don't let that stop you from enjoying the good parts, too, yeah?

You know, weird thing is, I probably wouldn't want anything more serious now if it hadn't been for Diane. We were only together for a few days, but she...she reminded me of what it was like to be that close to someone. [And what it was like to lose someone.] It made all the sleeping around just seem so fucking pointless. [Not that he'd stopped entirely - he wasn't quite willing to go that far - but he'd done it a lot less.]

At least I know Clara won't leave me. [She's independent, like Diane, but he knows she wouldn't abandon him, even if she could.] Doesn't mean this place won't take her from me, but it won't be her choice. Mind, I'm still trying to figure out how someone like her could love me. [Owen laughs bitterly, shaking his head.]

[Ianto nods, before going to fill his tumbler up again. He does understand. Hell, he had thought that he would never be in a relationship again, let alone a serious one. And then he had ended up falling for none other than Captain Jack Harkness, professional flirt and the last person on Earth to be able to nail down in a relationship, as far as he can tell. At least, a relationship with the label of one on it. He knows that Jack loves him. Jack knows the he loves him in return. But there's so much more to what they are, and short of actually talking to Jack about it...

Never mind that, though. Owen probably won't want to hear it and they're talking about Owen right now anyway.] Stranger things have happened, Owen. [Ianto isn't going to tell Owen that he's selling himself short, but it's definitely implied in his tone of voice.]

[Owen might be arrogant and cocky, especially when it comes to sex, but he also knows himself entirely too well. He knows what he's like - that he tends to be a shitty person quite a lot of the time, that his arrogance is really a facade, one of the tools he's always used to push people away from him. And, quite frankly, he's not sure he deserves love or happiness or any of that bollocks. But he sure as hell isn't going to voice any more insecurity than he's already done.]

I'm used to strange things happening. What I'm not used to is good things happening, at least, not to me.

text; locked to owen harper -> forward-dated to after the event

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