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H-Hello everyone... I'm sorry to bother you, but, um... t-this has been a long time coming. I mean, a few weeks, but that's kind of long? Maybe it's been too long... Ahhh, this is hard...

I-I wanted to apologize for my actions earlier this month. I've been told I d-don't need to be sorry, because it was Wonderland, and it does a-awful things to us... But... I feel... it still came from somewhere deep inside of me. I-I thought about texting this out instead, b-but... I didn't want to back out and d-delete everything... I should o-own up... I'm getting off topic again...

At the beginning of this month, I attacked people who c-came into the clinic. My r-reasoning... I felt so useless... That no one needed me... I-I'm a nurse, the Super High School Level Nurse, it means I'm the best. But... a lot of people here d-don't need doctors or nurses... Death isn't even permanent here. So during those days, I thought... I would make people need me. I would hurt them so I could heal them... Even though the first rule of medicine is d-do no harm...

N-Now I'm scared to be near people, in case W-wonderland does that to me again... I can't even kill myself, in order to repent... I want to be forgiven, but what can I possibly do to earn that? ... I-If there is anything you want me to do, I will do it... I'll l-leave that offer there...

I am sorry... I am really truly sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...

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that makes it sound more like you're apologizing for the sake of apologizing, than you actually feeling sorry.

which i know isn't the case. [He adds that quickly.] it just comes off a bit...strange.

I even feel like apologizing now for explaining all of th-this!

you can if it makes you feel better.

I'm so sorry!

[Tiny stuttering doctor girls need to stick together, man!]

Well, I... I t-think of my friends. And how s-sad they would be, if uhm, I wasn't there for them, or if they needed me and I wasn't t-there to help. And... t-that there are at least, some things, that o-only I can do. And if I'm not t-there to do them, something bad might h-happen to the people, uhm, I c-care about. Or... they might be s-sad if I'm not around.

And I think... t-there are things worth waiting for, and reasons to k-keep holding on, too! Like, uhm, new episodes of an a-anime you like, or the next volume of a m-manga, or... w-well, you get the idea. If there's things, uhm, you're excited for... t-there's reason to be here. Someone h-has to be excited about them, right?

I... I think I get what you're saying... But, um... I-I've never had friends... Well, not 'never', I mean... I th-thought I had them before here, but then these a-awful things happened, and... l-let's not go into that...

[Focus, Mikan, let's not talk abut murder island today.]

What I'm trying to say is... It's hard for me to tell if I have friends... If people actually like me. And this latest thing... I thought I might lose what little I had... But so many people are talking to me now, and t-trying to make me feel better... I guess... I guess those same people would be sad i-if I wasn't there...

[ Oh nooooooooooo. How can he help fix this. That emotions stuff kind of had him going hardcore on the isolation, so there was a lot he missed.

Soos doesn't know Mikan better than anybody, but from what he got to know of her, she's pretty stubborn about these things. So maybe trying to help means maybe getting a little creative in approach from the usual way people handle Wonderland shenanigans. ]

First of all, I bet basically nobody blames you for doing any of that stuff. This mansion's always full of crazy events. And you probably wouldn't blame someone else if the same exact thing happened with them.

But even if you can't stop feeling bad, you don't have to feel bad alone. Since being your senpai means I'm supposed to look out for you and that whole thing means I dropped the senpai ball. So how about we split this blame stuff like, fifty-fifty, and I promise to keep you from hurting anyone if something like that happens again?

Plus I can make like eight bowls of comfort nachos. I'm not even joking, dude.

[oh nooo, she made him feel bad! She could begin weeping all over again, and in all honestly she's about to, when he mentions the promise. She blinks a few times, remembering another friend recommending such a strategy...]

Ah... y-you are really strong, Soos-senpai! You... you COULD stop me! I know I can rely on you... Th-thank goodness... I-If something like this happens, I know you can s-stop me...

[... Nope sorry she's crying anyway. But, hey, gratitude tears.]

Please, d-don't dismiss yourself like that... You're the best senpai I've ever had... I w-wouldn't want anyone else!

O-oh jeez, Mikan, I really hope you don't do anything like that to yourself! I think-- I think anybody that would even tell you to do that would have to be a- a real jerk, you know?

A-and-- and I kinda know what that's like. Like-- doing messed-up things when you normally wouldn't wanna do it usually at all. Um. I-i-if you ever need to talk about it or anything, you can let me know.

I... I don't know what else I can say... Every word makes me feel heavier and worse... L-Like I should cut out my own tongue so save everyone the trouble...

But... the amazing thing is, n-nobody seems to want that at all!

[shocking!]

Y-You don't have to, uhm, talk about your past if you d-don't want.

[Now that's what I call a relateable feel, volume 1, featuring such hits as 'I have never done anything wrong, ever, in my entire life' and 'Let's Not Talk About That, Boy Howdy']

And I... I k-know how you feel. It's hard f-for me to remember that, uhm, t-the people I care about also care a-about me, but... I mean, uhm, I k-know we haven't talked a lot, and uh, I'm not very good at keeping up, uh, c-communication, but if you ever wanna watch anime, or uh, w-want some new books, or... j-just need to talk to someone. I'm, uh, not usually d-doing anything, and... you know.

I s-spent a lot of time, uh, b-being alone because of my mistakes, and... w-when I finally told everyone, uhm, the truth, a-all they did was be kind to me. I wanna l-let other people, uhm, know they can have that, t-too.

A-Are you sure you want to make that kind of offer? I'm not... very good at making conversations, and I'm not sure what to do with... people... N-Not that I'm rejecting your offer! Th-that would be rude! I just think... you should know what you're getting into, if you say such things...

heh, it's okay. i still forgive you.

... Thank you...

hang in there, mikan.

Yeah, he's doin' good. He's up and around now, and that's a heck of a lot better than when I first found him.

[Any sign of medical care she would have found on Ford, any bandages or anything like that, were all Stan's doing. He's not a medical professional, but he knows a little emergency first aid here and there for secret reasons.]

Thank goodness... I'm so glad...

[That's genuine relief on her face.]

I-I'm not very, uhm, g-good at that stuff either, so... I s-should probably be, uhm, w-warning you too. But uhm, you don't have t-to be friends with me if, uh, you don't want to. I don't, uhm, w-want to make you do anything you don't want.

I just, uh... w-want you to know you're not, uhm, all by y-yourself. There are people l-looking out for you.

Yeah, yeah, me too. Look, I've been meanin' to talk to you about that anyhow.

[He's relieved too, but he's trying to skip the dramatics as much as he can.]

I know you didn't do it 'cause of our deal, but a favor to my family's a favor to me, so...I'm gonna take some off your tab. Don't say I never did anythin' for ya.

[It's the closest he'll come to properly thanking her for it. In Stan's books, this is basically the same thing.]

N-No, I didn't mean to imply I didn't want to be friends! I just... I don't know when that step is made... When you go from knowing someone to making something that solid...

But, um... I guess... f-friends, they could talk like this to each other...?

[She gasps in real surprise.]

M-Mister Pines...! Your generosity... I really don't believe it! It's like a fairy godmother granting wishes! How can anyone be so nice...?

[ Gratitude tears are better than tears of regret. Even if sometimes its a marginal thing because of the circumstances.

But Soos can admit it would be better to get a posse to put her in handcuffs than it would be to see her get this upset about stuff she did in a crazy event again. ]

I wouldn't want anyone else either, dude. So don't worry, okay? We can teamwork the heck outta this mansion.

... I-I'll do my best for you, senpai... I p-promise, if I need you to stop me, I will tell you! You'll be the first to know!

Oh, that's great! Y-you know, they definitely shouldn't want you to do anything like that. It's not like, like it's your fault this mansion is always messing around with people's heads and doing- making them do stuff.

And I think-- [ He hesitates for a second, before continuing on with definitive certainty. This kind of thing has happened to him before. When in doubt, he defaults to using the arguments he uses on himself. ]

I think even if what you did felt like it came from deep down or, or you liked it, i-it's not like it means it's totally who you are or anything. I mean, basically everyone thinks about awful stuff. You're, you're basically a great person who'd never wanna hurt people, a-and it took a whole event making you forget that for you to even do it in the first place.

[Whoa, that's a new point. She blinks slowly...]

I... I guess that is true, in a way... I'd never do this sort of thing without an event happening I-I'd like to think... But, great... th-that's too strong of a word for someone like me...

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[video] these two are breaking my heart

[video] it's awful and wonderful ;;

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[video] i know i just!!! weeps, hugs them both

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