entranceway | Video

[James pops up o the screen, in what is clearly a pre-planned and perhaps even rehearsed message. By now he's been in Wonderland so long that the network devices are no longer a mystery to him, and he's nicely centered in front of a blackboard and grinning.]

Hullo! I'm James Potter - yes, that one, and if it sounds vaguely familiar it's likely because my future son is going to be a rather famous wizard.

[He waves a hand though, like it isn't a big deal. No one can fourth-wall James Potter harder than he's already fourth-walled himself.]

Now that that's out of the way, I've been thinking a lot about Wonderland lately, and how long it keeps people here. When I first arrived, it was fairly common for people to vanish after a year or less, but lately I've noticed more and more of us have been staying longer and longer. I'm not certain why either, but it does present one awkward problem - counting ages. [James vaguely gestures at himself.] I'll wager a guess that no one would believe I'm in my twenties, right? And it's hard to feel I'm twenty-two when I'll never look the part as long as I'm here.

[He's right. Frankly, he looks like he's barely out of school, and even that's being somewhat generous.And there's the pesky fact that he's only scheduled to live until twenty-one at home, but that's not the point.]

So, I've been thinking about how to reconcile the two ages in a way that won't take ages to explain in casual conversation, and I think I've got it.

[He steps aside and reveals a formula on the board - A (+W).]

The 'A' stands for age - the age you were when you arrived - and the 'W' is the amount of years you've spent in Wonderland. For myself that would be...[Underneath his formula he writes 17 (+5)]. So, I'd write it this way, and in conversation I'd say "seventeen and five" - you know, like that song about the blackbirds and the pies? I forget how it goes, but it'd be like that.

Does that roll off the tongue as well as I think it does? I'll keep trying to make it happen either way, and maybe it'll start to catch on. I could start a trend here! But I'd also welcome theories on why Wonderland seems to be keeping us longer and longer, because frankly that should be alarming everyone at least a bit.

[On that cheery note, he waves the camera goodbye and shuts it off.]

Threaded | Flat

Seems like a good idea. The being alarmed, I mean. The age idea is shit.

[Hello, best friend! :D]

I don't feel like I'm in my twenties either.

[Like. At all. Ever.]

But what if you're telling your age to someone who just got here? You'd still have to explain that you've got Wonderland years added to your age, right?

[The idea makes Dipper's stomach clench in a way he doesn't like at all. It hasn't escaped his notice that he'll never look like a teenager or god forbid someone in his twenties no matter how long he's here either. In fact, it's been rather a sore subject. Sore enough that he keeps the video off when he replies, so his face can't betray how bothered he is.]

But that's just... what's even the point then? To make it clear how much Wonderland royally sucks? That you can be stuck five years?

[In five years Dipper will be 18, rounding on 19 god he does not want to still be 12 when that happens.]

Wonderland's already not letting us age physically. Why do we have to let it take away all of it?

In that case, congratulations to you and the as yet twinkle in your eye?

_{[Anders appears with a smile at the ready. He's never heard of a James or Harry Potter, but hey, mage solidarity?]}

You've been here five years total? That's one of the biggest numbers I've heard bandied around so far. I agree that this entire "eternal imprisonment in a realm inundated with magic" business is something to be wary of, but you're going to look great for your age when all is said and done.

You realize if you get in the habit of introducing yourself like that, you're going to get a lot of questions, and then you'll have to go through the whole song and dance about--... everything.

[ Should he say "synopsis?" Sam doesn't like having books written about his life, either. ]

So... [ Right, the point of the broadcast. ] How do we do this if we've gone and come back? I was, uh... something like 31 or 32 when I last went home, but I remember three years of Wonderland. So, that's 34 or 35? Dammit, James, I don't want to be that old.

[video forever]

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