Video

[pottershotter]

[James pops up o the screen, in what is clearly a pre-planned and perhaps even rehearsed message. By now he's been in Wonderland so long that the network devices are no longer a mystery to him, and he's nicely centered in front of a blackboard and grinning.]

Hullo! I'm James Potter - yes, that one, and if it sounds vaguely familiar it's likely because my future son is going to be a rather famous wizard.

[He waves a hand though, like it isn't a big deal. No one can fourth-wall James Potter harder than he's already fourth-walled himself.]

Now that that's out of the way, I've been thinking a lot about Wonderland lately, and how long it keeps people here. When I first arrived, it was fairly common for people to vanish after a year or less, but lately I've noticed more and more of us have been staying longer and longer. I'm not certain why either, but it does present one awkward problem - counting ages. [James vaguely gestures at himself.] I'll wager a guess that no one would believe I'm in my twenties, right? And it's hard to feel I'm twenty-two when I'll never look the part as long as I'm here.

[He's right. Frankly, he looks like he's barely out of school, and even that's being somewhat generous.And there's the pesky fact that he's only scheduled to live until twenty-one at home, but that's not the point.]

So, I've been thinking about how to reconcile the two ages in a way that won't take ages to explain in casual conversation, and I think I've got it.

[He steps aside and reveals a formula on the board - A (+W).]

The 'A' stands for age - the age you were when you arrived - and the 'W' is the amount of years you've spent in Wonderland. For myself that would be...[Underneath his formula he writes 17 (+5)]. So, I'd write it this way, and in conversation I'd say "seventeen and five" - you know, like that song about the blackbirds and the pies? I forget how it goes, but it'd be like that.

Does that roll off the tongue as well as I think it does? I'll keep trying to make it happen either way, and maybe it'll start to catch on. I could start a trend here! But I'd also welcome theories on why Wonderland seems to be keeping us longer and longer, because frankly that should be alarming everyone at least a bit.

[On that cheery note, he waves the camera goodbye and shuts it off.]

Comments

[video forever]

[goodwoofjames]

Seems like a good idea. The being alarmed, I mean. The age idea is shit.

[Hello, best friend! :D]

[pottershotter]

[James grins right back at him.]

You're just upset you're stuck a year younger than me as long as we're here.

[So naturally any age idea will be shit to him now.]

[goodwoofjames]

You'll just be the creepy old-person-in-a-young-body a lot sooner, is all.

[pottershotter]

Not that much sooner!

[He pouts a little bit, and manages to not look his age in either respect.]

Besides, I'll always be young at heart, with or without Wonderland's influence. It runs in my family!

[goodwoofjames]

That's true. Although what does that say for me? Will I turn into a bitter old crone one day? You'll have to be the one to find me a suitable house elf to torture.

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[eatsyourscience]

I don't feel like I'm in my twenties either.

[Like. At all. Ever.]

But what if you're telling your age to someone who just got here? You'd still have to explain that you've got Wonderland years added to your age, right?

video;

[pottershotter]

[Souji gets it in a way that almost no one else can. Most of the others who have been in Wonderland an absurd amount of time were adults when they arrived, but James and Souji are stuck as teenagers. It isn't as strange for an adult to have a five year discrepancy between how old they are and how old they look, but it's very, very odd to look like a teenager when you're supposed to be beyond that.]

Well, true. But at that point we'd still have to explain everything to them, so it wouldn't be much more effort, really. And really, we'd have to explain that either way.

[This method just seems more concise to him.]

video;

[eatsyourscience]

[Souji nods. That's a good point.]

We should try and get that put in the pamphlet.

[Assuming the pamphlet is still a thing.]

video;

[pottershotter]

That's a great idea! Huh. I wonder who's in charge of that these days...? Evelyn, maybe? I think she made the most recent one.

[When in doubt about something informative, Evelyn's probably the one behind it. If not, then she probably knows who was.]

video;

[eatsyourscience]

She's probably a good bet.

[Souji pauses for a second.]

...You know, I don't actually know much about her.

[Considering they've both been in Wonderland FOREVER, that seems strange.]

voice;

[krmvgivv]

[The idea makes Dipper's stomach clench in a way he doesn't like at all. It hasn't escaped his notice that he'll never look like a teenager or god forbid someone in his twenties no matter how long he's here either. In fact, it's been rather a sore subject. Sore enough that he keeps the video off when he replies, so his face can't betray how bothered he is.]

But that's just... what's even the point then? To make it clear how much Wonderland royally sucks? That you can be stuck five years?

[In five years Dipper will be 18, rounding on 19 god he does not want to still be 12 when that happens.]

Wonderland's already not letting us age physically. Why do we have to let it take away all of it?

voice;

[pottershotter]

[James...actually remembers this feeling well. He felt this way when he first got to Wonderland, and nothing's made him feel older.]

I know it doesn't seem like it, but...I do understand. The first few years I was here, I insisted on counting my age properly, even when people who knew me tried to treat me as younger than I was. Every year I'd count it off, but...while I do feel older I don't, err. Feel older. It's a bit hard to describe.

[It's a weird sensation that no one should have to experience, frankly. But Dipper's reaction reminds him of himself. He would have said the same thing three or four years ago.]

The point's that it's difficult to have that conversation every time you meet someone new. And the longer you're here, the more difficult it's going to be - especially if you aren't physically aging.

voice;

[krmvgivv]

[He's not wrong. And Dipper doesn't know how he'll feel when he gets to the point where he can't pass for his age any longer. It'll be soon, he knows. He was close enough to 13 to pass for it, but can he pass for 14? He knows he won't be able to pass for 15. If he could maybe he would have had a shot with Wendy.]

It just... seems like giving up.

[He crosses his arms, frowning a little. It's not really personal to James. But he hasn't reached that point yet. He doesn't want to reach that point, even if the forever pedantic part of him is always whispering to remind him that he's not really 13, he's still 12 even though he was only a few weeks away when he left.]

voice;

[pottershotter]

[On the other end, James can't help being a little offended. Giving up is the last thing he wants to do, though he does get why it seems that way.]

I'd prefer to think of it as picking my battles. If I'm not wasting my time explaining it to people and dealing with the pity that comes with it every single time, I can devote that energy to other things, like figuring out how to leave or how to keep Wonderland from touching our memories when we go.

[He hasn't given up on those things, and he's certain he never will.]

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[krmvgivv]

[The pity, Dipper can understands. He'd skip that if he could too. But as far as he's concerned, James looks like an adult anyway.]

I'm not ready to not be a teenager when I finally made it.

video;

[circlejerked]

In that case, congratulations to you and the as yet twinkle in your eye?

_{[Anders appears with a smile at the ready. He's never heard of a James or Harry Potter, but hey, mage solidarity?]}

You've been here five years total? That's one of the biggest numbers I've heard bandied around so far. I agree that this entire "eternal imprisonment in a realm inundated with magic" business is something to be wary of, but you're going to look great for your age when all is said and done.

video;

[pottershotter]

Thank you! We're very proud of our not-yet-born child and how he'll apparently save the wizarding world, or something along those lines.

[Magical solidarity indeed! James always appreciates it, and really it feels better to not get immediately recognized - which is something he never thought he'd ever say.

The last part catches him by surprise though, and he snickers.]

I suppose I will! Eternal youth isn't the worst side-effect of imprisonment. But...yes, five years. I haven't been here the longest though! That honour goes to Philip, and I believe Evelyn's got me beat as well. If not, then it's very close.

[Five years is a while, so it's hard to keep the chronology straight sometimes.]

[circlejerked]

That so? No pressure or anything.

<sub>[For father or son. Sounds like someone else has gotten tangled up in this confusing "past meets future" clusterfuck, too.

Anders isn't sure if he should be grateful or not his supposed future doesn't involve the lives of hypothetical children. He's leaning toward grateful. Fatherhood is something he'd want to embrace at the right time, not be warned in advance about.]</sub>

I wouldn't say sapping our memories instead of our youth is any better, but if there's one thing to be said about Wonderland, it's not doing both at the same time, thankfully. Nothing worse than aging and knowing you're giving your best years to a cause you don't believe in.

_{[Said with chipper good humor. Is that experience talking? Haha... of course not, don't be silly.]}

Well, the three of you don't look a day over newly kidnapped if you ask me. Though that's got me thinking--were you the first to arrive here or have there been others before that? That anyone remembers, that is. Those images from the falling stars would suggest this has been going on a lot longer than just a few years, but I take what I don't remember with a grain of salt.

[pottershotter]

[Honestly, James has gotten used to the news. It's trying to change parts of it that turns it into a clusterfuck.]

Can't say I'm old enough to know, but it sounds dreadful.

[He doesn't envy anyone in that position, and he's sort of glad things haven't gotten that bad for him. He gives the other question a little thought though.]

I wasn't the first, or at least I don't think I was. When I got here, there were many people who had been here for some time. In fact, one of them even said I'd been there before, and that he knew me! Though, I don't remember that myself. However, back then I didn't know anyone who'd been here longer than two or three years. People seem to be staying longer and longer on average lately.

[And that...probably isn't good.]

[circlejerked]

_{[Anders would say this kid--young man, rather--already is giving his best to this place. Five years is no small sacrifice, but that goes without saying. Wonderland has a lot to answer for.]}

A repeat offender, were you? And they're all gone now, those people you knew?

_{[That's something to chew on and chew on it Anders does, gaze settling on a middle distance in thought.]}

Why send people away at all if you're just going to bring in more to replace them? It never did make sense to me. _{[But this is Wonderland they're talking about. "Sense" doesn't seem to be one of the ingredients that went into making this realm.]} Maybe the longer stays is a sign Wonderland is finally learning how to stage an efficient kidnapping.

_{[Joking. Mostly.]}

video; not late

[ofletters]

You realize if you get in the habit of introducing yourself like that, you're going to get a lot of questions, and then you'll have to go through the whole song and dance about--... everything.

[ Should he say "synopsis?" Sam doesn't like having books written about his life, either. ]

So... [ Right, the point of the broadcast. ] How do we do this if we've gone and come back? I was, uh... something like 31 or 32 when I last went home, but I remember three years of Wonderland. So, that's 34 or 35? Dammit, James, I don't want to be that old.

video; this reply totally isn't late either

[pottershotter]

Well, if I'm going to get questions either way, this seems like a faster way to get them over with, doesn't it? It's right to the point.

[Speaking from experience, of course.]

It works well for that! If you were thirty-two, and you've been in Wonderland three years, you'd be thirty-two and three. It's just short for "thirty two years old and three years in Wonderland". You don't actually have to add them together, but thirty-five isn't even that old anyhow!

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[ofletters]

Guess so. [ Sam wonders how often James gets questions about Harry, about the wizarding world. About the meta-ness of it all. ]

Right. Says you. [ "Forever Young" Potter. ] I'm not gonna add them together, then. Thirty-two and three sounds better. [ beat ] I'm surprised nobody's brought this up before now.

video;

[pottershotter]

[He shrugs.]

No one's needed to, I suppose. But if people are getting kept here longer and longer, then I'm sure it'll be useful.

[Plus, it's a way to start a conversation about the fact that they're being kept longer and longer on average.]

video;

[ofletters]

It already is. [ Particularly for those, like James, who have been here for years. Like Philip and Evie, too.

There's a pause, and Sam seems as if he's debating saying something, but then he does, albeit hesitantly. ]

... I know this isn't as cheery a subject-- I'm not sure if you know this, but you and Lily and my mom kinda have a lot in common. [ In the worst way, which is why he looks so uncomfortable. ] She was killed when I was a baby and I just really got to know her here, in Wonderland. I can't speak from your side of things, but... when Harry was here, I'm sure it meant more than he could tell you guys. To be able to meet you and spend time with you.

[ Then, he shrugs weakly. ] Just thought it was worth saying. I kind of always meant to.