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[ A few things to know about Kurt Weller:

1) He's not easily amused by people he doesn't know well, so good luck getting him to crack a smile without a little effort.

2) He takes things a little too seriously sometimes. Sometimes.

3) It bears repeating: he doesn't smile easily.

All that being said, he's not a completely stoic hardass incapable of ever having fun, and it just makes those moments all the more hilarious when they occur. Like now.

So, he's broadcasting to you all today, with a completely ridiculous lesson. ]

I was hungry late last night and wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. [ Ordinarily, he would just make one himself, but not at 3am. ] Didn't feel like going to the kitchen. So the closet gave me this. This is wrong. Which means there are people out there from other worlds thinking this is how it's done. [ ...as though the correct technique for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches was of high importance to them... ]

[ So he's asked the closet for a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, and a loaf of bread. He props his phone up and proceeds to make it the correct way, with the peanut butter on both sides of the bread and the jelly in the middle. ] You put the jelly between the peanut butter, otherwise it's gonna soak through the bread.

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[ He chuckles faintly, shaking his head. ]

Believe me, I'm with you. I eat real food, normal food. I don't eat kale popsicles or spinach and yogurt cake or whatever. Burgers, fries, steaks. Normal stuff.

Iiiiiii don't think I want to learn how to use a weapon right now. But I'll keep that in mind, too. In case I really have to. [She is, after all, a pacifist.] But okay! I'll keep that in mind, and—is it okay if I tell Maya that too?

Got it. No soggy bread.

[She watches intently, taking in every step, before she looks over the ingredients on the table.]

Does the type of jelly matter?

Yeah. Wish I could get some of that through the closets.

[He smirks, but it's true though. He could never imagine his Aunt May actually here, but it'd be nice to get something to remind him of her. His smirk widens at the sight of the man's smile.] Oh, uh. Peter Parker. Nice to meet you. I appreciate your passion for PB&J.

[ She looks pleased at that. ]

See? I knew you were a good guy. Only evil assholes refuse to eat burgers.

[ She peers more closely at the feed, her face falling. ] But good guys don't joke about kale popsicles, Weller.

Which I know your universe doesn't have, because there's never been a universe that evil. Ever.

[ She's pretty sure. ]

Oh? [ She plays coyly amused for the moment, enjoying the banter. One eyebrow arches upwards, playing skeptical over his claim. ] They better impressive, to make up for that one.

I'll look forward to seeing what comes of it.

You got a family at home? Because besides the sandwich finesse you don't strike me as your regular 9 to 5 Joe.

No, what I'm saying is, there needs to be order in a PB&J. 50% PB and 50% J. Anything else is just wrong. Trust me, I raised two kids. I learned the hard way.

Little sister, nephew. I wanted them to move in with me after her asshole husband left them. It's been...good. Different. [ They tease and banter like all siblings, but they're close, and having them there makes him realize how much he enjoys the company. ]

My sister's here in Wonderland, actually. Back home, I work with the FBI.

You?

Feel bad for those kids. [ He thinks he's teasing, smirking a little. ] I liked grilled cheese when I was a kid, too. I think I lived off that and nothing else for a whole month once. I think we can all agree on the best way to make that sandwich, at least.

Yeah. It should be grape. Strawberry's okay in a pinch.

[ Nothing wild like orange marmalade or anything. God forbid. ]

If you don't wanna use a weapon, you should still know how to defend yourself. My friend Jane is good at that. Self-defense stuff. Anytime you wanna know. Sure, tell your friend, too.

[ He enjoys the banter with her as well, and he raises an eyebrow right back at her. ]

I can cook. Pretty decent at it. Not that we even need to cook around here, but it comes in handy.

[ He rarely actually has time to cook back home, but the inclination and talent is there. ]

[John frowns. Okay, you should feel sorry for Sam and Dean, but not because of his cooking. In a universe where making PB&Js is cooking.]

Oh, of course. Wonderbread, Kraft singles, butter, and just a little mayo.

There are a few things from home I wish we could get here. [ Not all of them are food related, either. ]

Yeah. You, too. You been in this place long?

[ He appreciates anyone who amuses him this much. ]

You don't think there's a hippie out there who's tried to make kale popsicles?

[ It's...sort of cooking. Sort of. ]

You know what you're talking about now. Were fried bologna sandwiches ever a thing with your kids?

[Single dad cooking usually falls in the category of "sort of". So. He tried.]

Oh, no man, they wouldn't touch it. I grew up eating them, though. Ate way too many.

[She nods once, committing the information to memory.]

So many rules for so simple a sandwich.

I do a lot of freelance.

[Fed meant that Dean wasn't exactly eager to share his history of identity theft or B&Es. Among other things. Siblings were something he could get behind and he'd rather focus on something that won't start a conflict.]

My brother's here. So are my parents.

I heard you can. It just costs a memory, and you don't get to choose which. [So Peter tries to avoid the vendors so he doesn't get tempted by what they have]

About eight months. You?

It's not the necessity that makes it enjoyable. You could order takeout back home for every meal as well. More expensive, maybe, but that doesn't mean people stop cooking because food is available quicker and easier elsewhere.

So how decent is decent?

Hell yeah, man, this is like...religious experience level. I'm going to evangelize the crap out of this.

[ She snorts. ]

Not one who lived to talk about it.

Say they survived making kale popsicles. Then say they survived... [ Eating? Can one eat kale? The thought is too disgusting. ] Consuming them...

There would still be the tricky problem of the person's ancestors coming back from the dead and punishing them for bringing shame on the family.

I mean, let's be honest. How could that not happen?

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