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[When he got Minato's message, Souji had quietly responded that he'd come.

He was relieved when he'd woken up and everything was over. It had all felt strange, but it had felt natural, too. Even if he'd wanted to keep it in and had known he should, it had all come from him. From somewhere deep inside himself that never saw the light of day, not even through the voices of his Personas. Was that truly the core of who he was?

He didn't want it to be. Even if it wasn't, it was still there. There were people he needed to apologize to, and Minato was one of them. It would be a start.

It wasn't long before he found Minato on the beach, skipping rocks on the water. He gathered up a few himself before coming to stand beside him.]

Will you show me how?

[Minato offered Souji a small yet encouraging smile. He was really glad and relieved that Souji had decided to meet with him and was actually here. There were a lot of things they should discuss, things that even for Minato made him turn toward inside himself to learn more about who he was.

He nodded. Of course he'd show Souji how to do it. It was something he picked up while at Yakushima with his friends.]

Like this.

[He showed Souji how he gripped the stone and then how he used his wrist when he sent that rock skimming across the water in three splashes. He was good at three, sometimes he got four. Not really or less than that.]

You try it now.

[Souji tries, and the rock plops into the water. So he tries again, and the same thing happens. He pauses, reassessing what he's doing, then tries a third time. The stone skips once before splashing down through the surface.

He'll take it.]

Thanks, senpai.

[He feels like he can use that term with Minato. He can show his gratitude that way.]

[Minato smiled, nodding after seeing that Souji had gotten it on the third try. It wasn't easy, but Souji caught on.

He touched his hand to Souji's arm, then indicated toward the dock.]

... Let's go sit down over there first.

[They could practice some more afterward. Or during the talk. It might be away to have Souji let out anything he was feeling.]

Edited 2016-12-09 00:56 (UTC)

[Souji looked at Minato's hand, then at the dock, and nodded. The dock meant something between them, though Minato didn't remember.

He walked beside Minato to the dock and sat with him at the end of it, their feet hanging off of the edge. At that point, the water was too far below for even his legs to reach it. It would have been too cold if he'd been able to anyway.]

I'm sorry.

[For his behavior. He couldn't say it was just the event or inaccurate. It was real, somewhere inside him. All he could do was apologize for taking it out on anyone else.]

[Minato sat down next to Souji, knowing they had to talk even if talking might not be their strong points. It would help.

He shook his head, holding onto Souji's hand.]

There's nothing to apologize for. That was how you felt.

[And Souji shouldn't have to apologize for how he felt, though Minato could understand why he wanted to.]

I'm sorry that I hadn't noticed before or... realized how alike we are.

No one was supposed to notice.

[That was one way in which they were alike, and they both knew that. No one was supposed to see whatever turmoil they had inside them. However many masks they might wear, none of those things below the surface should be visible through the eye holes.

He kicks his feet lazily, his elbows resting on his thighs.]

You don't need to apologize either.

[Minato gave Souji's hand a light squeeze.]

It's okay.

[It was because they were alike that it was okay. Minato understood. They were only human. They were only teenagers and hadn't even lived longer than two decades and they had to bear the weight of the world and all of humanity on their shoulders. Couldn't they get a break?

Apparently not though, not based on expectations, their friends and their own.]

If it were me, don't you think you'd tell me the same thing?

[Souji nodded. He knew Minato would. He opened his mouth to apologize again, but stopped himself. The point was moot and he'd already been forgiven for the things that mattered.]

Events like that are just hard to come back from.

[He was worried about Kanji and what he'd think of him now. Their bond was unbreakable, but that didn't mean things might not be strange between them for awhile.]

Edited 2016-12-10 16:49 (UTC)

You're doing that thing again.

[Minato gently removed his hand though from Souji's, if just to give Souji some space. He looked out over the ocean, hearing the waves below in their constant, soothing rhythm.

He didn't know if it took courage to say what he wanted to or if he was just being selfish. But he thought he could, since he knew, he knew this tactic, this mechanism.]

... You're doing that thing that tells me not to go peeking into other people's hearts.

[He knew it all too well, like he had been talking into a mirror.]

...I know.

[Souji didn't have to be that way with Minato. But he'd have to relearn that. He'd gotten used to hiding inside himself again. Old habits were easy to fall back into.]

I'll try harder.

[He held up his now free hand, pinkie extended to seal that promise.]

[It was so easy to lecture someone else about it, but the preacher needed to practice it too. Souji was like a reflection of him, a sounding board, something he hadn't seen before in anyone else. That was so comforting but also frightening in a way that he could be vulnerable without even realizing or more like dwelling on the fact that he had vulnerabilities.

He hooked his pinkie with Souji's, now sealing that promise. He smiled a little, thinking that since he was the senpai and it may have been repetitive, but opening himself up first might make it easier for Souji to do the same. Sometimes though it was just so hard to open up the wrought iron gates that guarded his heart.]

I'll tell it to you again.

[Thus Minato explained from the start about his night of moving into the Iwatodai Dorm, about gaining his first Persona, about joining SEES and ending up as field leader by default, about the Dark Hour and Apathy Syndrome, about full moons and Shadows and being tricked into fighting. He talked about Strega and Ryoji, all the things they opposed them on their way to the end, whatever end that was. It still hadn't been clear after New Year's Eve, and was only clear after the Promised Day. And clearer on Graduation Day.]

I know it's tiring. But you're fighting not because of the enemy ahead of you, but you're protecting everyone behind you.

[And it really could get tiring. So tiring. Not just that kind of fighting though. Internally there was so much to fight off, like loneliness and rejection. Isn't that why Minato ended up sleeping so much?]

Edited 2016-12-10 20:00 (UTC)

[Souji knew the whole story, but listened carefully, as though hearing it for the first time. Souji knew, too, what he was fighting for and why. He knew all of it.

But it was good to be reminded. To be reminded by someone who knew blow by blow what it was like to be in his position. To lead and fight and befriend and assist without even knowing who he was himself. Someone else who found himself in the faces of other people.

Slowly, not quite hesitantly, Souji listed sideways until he was leaning against Minato. It was a bit unfair, considering how much bigger than Minato he was, even sitting side by side, but he thought it would be okay.

Closing his eyes, he let out a breath.]

Thank you.

[Three times. Souji's heard the story three times now since Minato had been shuttling back and forth it seemed in this place outside of time. But it was new to Minato in telling it to someone, and someone who would actually believe him and listen to him, someone who knew him so intimately that it was almost too good to be true that someone like Souji existed. In their world, this world, in the universe then, he wasn't alone.

That also might have sounded absolutely selfish. He knew what he had gotten himself into and the consequences. But for all that he had been taught about bonds, friendship, links, literal Links between and among his friends, as much as he cherished them all, in the end, he was still alone.

But not anymore. Maybe now he could afford to be a little selfish.

That's why when Souji leaned against him, Minato was right there to hold him up and support him, like the second half of a coin. That's why when Souji was this close to him, it was warm, and not like a warmth that he had felt before.

He could be Minato without any appellation or disclaimer. He could just be.]

You can talk to me about anything. I'm here.

[He wanted to hear it. He wanted to help Souji in any way he could.

He tilted his head to rest it against Souji's.]

Thank you for being here for me too.

[Souji closed his eyes. He'd hardly said anything so far, but he felt so tired.]

I'm afraid of the future.

[He could admit that. It was true, something deeply ingrained in him and amplified over his time in Wonderland. But it was still a way to deflect from what he felt most strongly: that ache of loving someone who didn't know he did. Who wasn't ready to love him back, if he ever would.

Maybe saying the future scared him wasn't entirely unrelated to that - he was afraid of not being loved back. If the time to talk about that ever even came.]

[Minato nodded ever so slightly, not wanting to dislodge his head from Souji's or disrupt their closeness. That might disrupt any thoughts that were slowly emerging from Souji, like Souji had been holding onto a few fireflies in his cupped hands, and they were leaving him one at a time.

Minato felt that way as well, the way that Souji had said it out loud to him.]

What about it scares you?

[That wasn't fair either. It was as if Minato didn't really have a "future" except that the Door, but he knew that place was his responsibility. That was what made the future for other people possible. He didn't know what the future would bring, only that Souji had protected it, picked up where he had left off. And now Souji had to live through that future, walk ahead after his journey was now over. It was really going back to... everything that was before that year.

Anyone would be afraid of that. Minato would be too.

He held onto Souji's hand again though if he could, a way to reassure Souji that Minato was going to be here as long as he could, keep all of his secrets and fears for him.]

At home, it's like I've already done the most important thing I'll ever do.

[And he had the rest of his life, another seventy, eighty years left of what?

It wouldn't be bad, he knew that. But he was afraid of what else it wouldn't be. He had his unbreakable Links, but could he make more?

It was a fear that had no root in reality. He'd always have the Links he had already and he knew now how to get close to others, how to help others and how to learn from them. He knew he could always reach others if he wanted to.

It was unfounded, but not invalid. At least...

Well, he couldn't compare his future to Minato's. Not when he still remembered the promise he'd made to him.]

And here...

[He trailed off, staring out at the water. Was it really fair to say the things he was thinking? To push those things on to Minato?]

[Minato could understand that. He had done the most important thing he would ever do too. When his future, for once, was like etched in stone for that one year, he knew what he was running toward. It was the uncertainty after that made them fearful. It would make anyone fearful.

It still wasn't fair. That was all just the hypothetical on Minato's part, thinking about his future. His future was set. Souji's still wasn't.]

Maybe. But it shouldn't stop you from doing more.

[Small things that were important too, that would help build more of who Souji was and who he'd become. He had the rest of his life to enjoy that future that he had ensured for himself and his friends, Minato's friends, everyone.]

And here?

[Here. There was a future here too while they stayed. Days, weeks, for Souji years had passed, and time didn't move, but there was always a tomorrow. He waited for Souji to continue, having come this far already, and he didn't want to scare off those fireflies or extinguish them.]

Here...

[Should he even say it? Minato had only been there a few weeks. He'd only known Souji for a few weeks. But he'd seen things inside of Souji that he had never wanted anyone to see and he had understood them. So had Kanji, but it was different with Minato. They were the same. They were a complementary binary system.

But they had been a single unit once.

The voices inside him whispered to him and for once they were unanimous. Minato had asked him not to hold anything back.]

I'm afraid you won't love me again like I love you.

[His voice was soft and he closed his eyes. He didn't sit up, still leaning against Minato, and it might have been to keep Minato from seeing his face.]

...

[Wait, what?

If Minato's blink could have a sound, it would've made one now.

That's what this or part of this was all about? The part about the future at home, that he had picked up on. But here? That part?

Here he... Really? How could have missed this? For all that he had known about his Links, those closest to him, the things they had confided in him, and out of all of that, he missed this? Did his separation from the world cause the rift? But that couldn't be right. He did what he had to because of all those things that he had learned.

But then again... this was different.]

[Of course he would've missed it. There was something inherently different in this feeling between them, not only because of the intimate connection they shared, their souls reflecting one another. Souji had seen him, as he had thought before, for now the third time.

Minato had broken that physical connection twice before and it was that departure that would have an impact on any mental or...

He didn't have any other word for it besides 'soulmate'.

It was different because it didn't run this time in only one direction. For a link, this link, it had gone both ways. Like a coin. Like a mirror and its reflection. Like those fireflies did really fly free and now Minato could hold onto Souji before he flew too. But he hadn't remembered.

If his thoughts weren't coherent in the first place, then he could place the blame solely on himself. He wouldn't ever blame Souji for it, not for all the pain and hurt he must have caused him for leaving him behind, for not remembering him, for always walking forward and never looking back.

And if he couldn't see Souji's face, then Souji couldn't see Minato's. But his smile should have been clear through his voice.]

I already do.

[He already started to. From his first day here, he felt warm, and now he finally had a word for it. He just needed to let it glow, nurture it for a little longer to get it bright and radiant again.

He held on a little tighter to Souji's hand. It must have been so hard for Souji for Minato to just exist in his life again without realizing what his presence was doing to him. He had to have hurt. So now the only thing going forward was that Minato would never let Souji get hurt again.]

[Souji finally straightened, still looking out at the water. It still hurt, like a dull ache. It wasn't as bad, but it was there. It wasn't the same kind of love. He knew they both knew that.]

Thank you.

[But it would be enough.]

Edited 2016-12-12 22:04 (UTC)

Souji.

[Minato was doing his share of looking out over the water too. Now that their hands were separated, he had his hands on the dock by his sides as if holding him up.]

If it hurts, then it's okay if you need space. ... I need time.

[He would leave it up to Souji. Minato was fine with wanting to be close. That was how he could spend his time if he were relearning everything about Souji. About them. But if Souji needed space, then Minato could give that to him too since he was the thing causing Souji this much pain. And he didn't want Souji to be in pain.]

[It did hurt. But he understood that Minato needed time. He couldn't flip a switch and love someone. Love didn't work like that.]

I understand. But... I don't want to be apart. It can be like it is now.

[Not right now, with this level of intimacy, but this period in Wonderland. This time when they can hang out and Minato can help out in the diner and they can rely on each other during events.]

I'd like it to be.

[Minato had wanted to know more about Souji since day one. He was grateful that Souji had trusted him so much with things that were deep inside of him, that were so hidden from the light, that no one ever saw. Minato could only hope that Souji understood just how much that meant to him.

He looked over at Souji, seeing the way the light played against his hair and face.]

... I promise that I'll give you an answer.

[He wasn't going to keep Souji long. He promised to give those feelings the respect and time they deserved. Once Minato knew, then he would tell Souji without hesitation as that was fair to Souji too.]

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