entranceway | 010 ☆ video/action

Entry tags:

010 ☆ video/action

[ It's been a long, long while since Steve transmitted a message through the network, and that's been no accident. His last announcement was when he came back from his last trip home, over a year ago. It hadn't felt right to take the lead in the same way after that, and others had jumped in to take his place as needed. Hadn't they? He'd thought as much, but others have told him that he's still needed as a leader. Maybe not as Cap, but as Steve.

It's a work in progress.

But here he is all the same, sending out his message toward the end of the second day. He's indoors; the room he's in not well-lit but his face is still visible. It's quiet out, the calm before the storm. ]

Michonne and I took a trip past the gates today, and... there's something coming. Or, well, a lot of somethings. A whole horde of zombies headed right for us. She's already given you guys the rundown, but I wanted to get the word out. We're gonna have to fight, or barricade ourselves away from danger. [ His expression hardens then, something steely and determined. ] Whatever you can do to keep yourself and your loved ones safe, do it.

[ A pause as he gathers his thoughts, and then he's back to it. ] I know death isn't permanent here, but this isn't a way that anyone wants to go. [ Is he speaking from experience?? Who knows, he doesn't elaborate. ] And I'll do whatever I can to help. In case you didn't know, I've got super strength, super speed, and I can take a hit. I'm not even sure if this infection will affect me because of the way my metabolism is. So if you need help getting out a scrape, let me know, all right? Or even if you just need help barricading a house. [ He's perfect for all that heavy lifting. ] I'm here to do whatever I can.

[ It's never enough, but he's still going to try. If he's learned anything this past year, it's that. ]

Oh, it's Steve, by the way. Steve Rogers. Stay safe, everyone.

[ With a firm nod, he ends the broadcast. For someone who's rusty on the speeches, it could have been worse, right? ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Then switch to a more private conversation happens without warning or fanfare, and Steve can't help but feel that he's been put on the spot. Probably because that's exactly what's happened.

He stares at Evelyn's face over the feed for a few seconds before bowing his head and sighing. What can he say? She's noticed, because of course she has, and he doesn't know where to begin explaining his behavior.

When he does start talking, though, he at least looks back to his phone. ] I think I told you a little about what happened, last time I went home. I made choices that got other people into trouble. Serious trouble. I realized that there would be times when I wouldn't always make the best choice for everyone. When I was going to be selfish. So... [ He pauses and heaves out a sigh. ] I didn't think it was a good idea for me to take the lead, anymore.

[She'd know if he was lying to her - not that she believes he would resort to lying in the first place - but his absence has been noticed and she doesn't think he'd start pussyfooting about when it's apparent that he can't without being caught.]

Being superhuman doesn't make you any less human.

[They've all made poor decisions. Some of their decisions have caused ripples that turn into waves that overwhelm others and extinguish them entirely. Some of them force immense change, incite harm, ruin lives. Hiding from these transgressions instead of facing them head-on is the only weakness worth condemnation.

Had she done so a decade ago, she and others would be dead.]

I'm not going to give you a bootstraps speech, but if you think for one moment longer that leaders have to be flawless, I'll find you and box your ears.

[ Part of the reason that Steve makes efforts to avoid having conversations like this one is because for the most part he already knows what people will tell him. None of it will change how he feels, in the end, but he doesn't have it in him to shut Evelyn down either. She's a friend, and she's showing concern in her own way.

He smiles wryly at her words, shaking his head. ] Believe me, I've made plenty of mistakes. I've made miscalculations and paid the price for them. This was the first time that I really made a choice because it was what I wanted, though, and...

[ The Avengers had been torn apart. He'd left Tony Stark and a busted suit of armor alone, in an icy facility. And after all of that, Bucky had still been forced to go back into stasis. ]

Well, it didn't go well. Kind of made me have to reevaluate what kind of role I wanted to have. And if it was good for that many people to be depending on me.

[ They should be strategizing how to deal with zombies, not talking about his problems, yet here they are. ]

Have you not given enough of yourself already?

[What is greatness, to those most familiar with its mantle?

Steve Rogers should have died years ago - Evelyn remembers being introduced to a version of him that no longer was, a man of small stature who ached to throw himself into the fray, who underwent a complex and risk-laden procedure for the chance at a greater purpose in a fight that was not his own. To think himself dead, a sacrifice upon the altar of war in a bid for peace, only to be resurrected for another conflict in another time.

He has come a long way, and frankly, she doesn't think he should have been forced to shoulder everyone else's burdens just because he was simultaneously willing to do so. Wrestling with the internal demons of what is right for others, and what is right for you, is no struggle at which to scoff.

Steve has given of himself for years and while this is a philosophy with which she can deeply relate and empathise, Evelyn knows the act is unsustainable. Her tone gentles, desperately reaching for someone whom she considers a close friend.]

Are you not afforded selfishness?

[ It isn't sustainable. That much is true. That's why Steve had put down the shield in the first place (but now it's really gone, whisked past the mirrors, and that stings too), that's why he hasn't been front and center during any of the recent events, that's why he's been so terrible about keeping up friendships.

Now that he has shown himself, is it any surprise that people have reached out to him? Steve's faith, after all, is in people. Those who matter, they'll never let him down. He just worries that he'll let them down. ]

I'm not if it gets people who were loyal to me locked up.

[ The words come out in a rush and then he pauses and sighs, shaking his head to himself. ]

Even if I went and broke them out, it... doesn't change that they shouldn't have been there to begin with.

[Steve's fears, it seems, stem from being a figurehead: someone with the capacity for and ability to protect others with all the requisite responsibilities, and someone whose intrinsic value to society is being that thing. He wants to help people, thus putting himself in the public eye, but it conflicts with his desire to help himself - to be selfish, for once.

Therein lies the rub; personal interests and public interests do not often coincide, and in serving one it is possible to betray the other. He stretches himself so far, but for whose gain, ultimately?]

You know I'm missing parts of this story, [she says gently, because while they have often spoken to each other about themselves, the political context of his world and his place in it is a vast mystery to her.] And you are under no obligation to fill those vagueries in with detail.

Does this have anything to do with Bucky?

[James Barnes was less reserved with his information, when last she spent time with him.]

[ Steve definitely hadn't told her the whole story, but he'd mentioned it briefly when he'd first returned from that particular trip home. Granted, he doesn't expect Evelyn to remember in all that much detail, given how long ago it had happened.

That being said, she still goes right to heart of it with her question. She doesn't mean it as an accusation, but Steve still appears like a deer in headlights for a moment before his expression fades and he nods. ]

He was definitely a part of it. I wanted to keep him safe. That was what drove, well, most everything that happened after that. The people who got locked up, the rest of my team, they all agreed to help of their own volition, but...

[ Steve has heard it so many times. "Of course I'm going to help, it's Captain America asking." "If Cap calls, then forget retirement." And so on, and so on. He hadn't ever meant to abuse that faith, and yet he's wrapped up in the guilt of what happened all the same. ]

And you blame yourself. For the decisions that other people have made.

[Evelyn finishes for him, accurately grasping the trajectory of his story, his guilt. Like her, Steve has never had difficulties in accessing his own actions and the impetus behind them, in acknowledging blame and credit where both are due. This is something to which Evelyn can deeply relate, whether he knows it or not.

Taking a deep breath, she exhales through her nose and looks away from the camera for a moment. Long enough to gather herself.]

I’m sorry. I...understand.

[ When Evelyn finishes the thought, it's not in accusing or judging tone, but as someone who knows all too well what that's like. With the way that she breaks eye contact for a moment there, Steve finds himself wanting to know more, but now isn't really the time for prying.

There are zombies to concern themselves with, after all. ]

Thanks.

[ His says the word quietly, yet sincerely, then sucks in a breath. ]

I'm trying to make up for it now, I guess. Not that there's any easy way out of this mess.

[Steve isn't the first to not ask, and he certainly won't be the last.

Evelyn watches him carefully, the tense line of his shoulders and the way they sag with resignation when he inhales. He carries so much because he can,
because he believes he can bear it. Burdens are not merely physical entities and they both know it.]

Do you really think it a worrisome problem for Steve in Wonderland? Or is it a problem for Steve Back Home?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

010 ☆ video/action

private video;

private video;

private video;

private video;

private video;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject