001 ☆ | [audio]

[smileslie]

[Mandy's actually very used to waking up in strange places without having much memory of how she got there, and Wonderland has a leg up on some in that she's still fully dressed. The phone's confusing as all hell, she's not used to one that one can do more than talk on, but she figured that out after punching a few buttons. She really is much more clever than the airhead act she'd been putting on most of the last three years.

Still, the act--The Divine Miss Mandy Slade--doesn't die as easily as she would like. She should have known that it would take far more than a pile of legal mumbo jumbo to get Brian Slade out from under her skin, to stop performing every bloody second of her life. So, what the citizens of Wonderland will hear is certainly not her real voice--which would come out very flat, tired, and American. Instead, they'll hear an almost coyingly-sweet accent anyone with half a brain will know is a very fake British]

Right, since it appears I actually haven't gone completely off my rocker just yet after all, I've just a few questions for all you boys and girls and....whomever else may be inhabiting this lovely little estate. The first being that there are two men I am quite curious to know the whereabouts of. One might be a bit harder to spot, a Mr. Curt Wild. Although, if he's been here for any length of time without access to an electric guitar or certain other--indulgences, I suspect he may have made his presence a bit better known. The other may be going by any number of names, although the most likely would be Mistah Brian Slade. You'd know him by his shockingly blue hair and--

[half a dozen of Brian's other body parts go through her mind, and it hurts, remembering how beautiful he was once upon a time. How beautiful it all was, for a moment.

She clears her throat, before she actually starts crying again. She's done enough of that, and she swears that giving Brian the satisfaction of seeing it as he laughed her out of his life will be the last time it happens. The accent drops, suddenly, and if anyone could see her face they could almost see the mask she'd plastered on fall as well. It was easier to talk about Curt; she doesn't fear what being in his presence might make her do]

My other question is, does anyone happen to have any smokes?

Comments

[undealt]

I'm afraid I've seen no men fitting either description, my dear, but if you're looking for creature comforts... the closet in your assigned room tends to provide those.

[He sounds so uncertain about that. Because he does not trust those closets.]

[smileslie]

[she is...really not sure how to feel about that. Because if Brian were here, people would know. Even a mess, he's not subtle or quiet. It should be comforting knowing she's at least physically free of him, but it feels strange.

But she's going to keep on faking being fine, because that's the only thing that's gotten her this far]

Well, at least in the case of the former--I'd say gentleman, but that would be quite the misnomer--I'm actually rather delighted to know I won't have to be picking up after any messes he'd be sure to leave for me.

[she'd like to talk to Curt, though. She wants to tell him about what a prick Brian was today, and how much it sucks to still want him in spite of that.

She manages to laugh a little]

Well fancy that. I'm not used to enjoying spending much time inside a closet.

[pretending she's witty makes it a lot easier to act like she's not a mess okay]

Now, I'm quite used to waking up in strange places, but one with such an--accommodating wardrobe is rather novel. You wouldn't happen to know just how I wound up here?

[undealt]

[There's a lengthy pause while she talks and a chuckle or two that suggests he's finding this amusing. Whether it's because he's reading behind the lines of all those smiles and wit or because he wants her to just think as much is unclear.]

Wonderland found a use for you. I believe that's all it really takes.

[smileslie]

[she'll take either one, really. She knows the act is pretty easy to see through, but the mask is better than nothing]

Hmm. Well, I'm not quite sure what that would be, unless a great number of people are looking for someone to help update their wardrobes or some of my less...socially acceptable talents, but I suppose I'll take either at this point, considering I am effectively unemployed back home now.

[she knows it's sad when your marriage was your job, but it's the closest truth she has]

Oh, where are my manners today? [besides all over Brian's floor, after that little tirade she went on] It really is poor manners not to inroduce oneself to a gentleman so kind as to tell a lady where she can get a much needed fix. [which she is going to the wardrobe right now to go about procurring. Her desire for a cigarette is very strong indeed, as she finds herself with a packet rather quickly] Mandy Slade, by the way [she mumbles around the cigarette she is very obviously lighting up as the whole Wonderland bit finally hits]

Do pardon me if this comes out more than a bit crass, but just what variety of button have they given the lot of us for all this to be so believeable?

[she's still not sure she's not stoned okay, which is why she's accepting the smoke-giving-closet]

[undealt]

Mr. Gold. A pleasure, Mrs. Slade. And here I thought you were just given to accepting misfortune as it comes. Or at least inclined to accept that Wonderland isn't required to make any sense at all.

[Another dry chuckle.] You must have had quite the day.

[She sounds like it. The harried and hiding it are usually the sorts to accept just about anything with very little skepticism, because there's no sense to it. Either it's real or it's not. They haven't the time to debate it.]

[smileslie]

Miss, actually. At least, providing Mistah Slade remembers to sign the papers.

[it's a small thing, a technicality, but it will mean that in at least one way she'll free of him.

She hums a little around her cigarette, letting out a loud exhale of smoke] Well, I am all that I suppose. You can't really be all that bothered by nonsense when brilliant, amazing husband begins calling himself Maxwell Demon, after all.

[it is so very surreal to have to explain that, though]

Oh, you haven't the foggiest idea, darling. I'm sure I will be taking this back very shortly, from the little I'm gathering, but you've no idea how bloody thrilled I am to be out of London right now.

[undealt]

Miss Slade. [Far be it for him to not call someone by their preferred name, given his strong feelings on the importance of names, which is why he doesn't really scoff at the moniker her former husband picked for himself. You can't throw stones when your given name is Rumplestiltskin, after all.]

Give it time. Once the true nonsense starts, I think even the worst of atrocities can be endured to be free of Wonderland. But I'm certainly not going to begrudge you a moment to enjoy yourself. Liberation can be quite rewarding, regardless of the cost.

[smileslie]

Hmm. I'll drink to that. [she's not going to get into what happened this afternoon, even if she considers that about as bad as it can possibly get. She has a tiny scrap of dignity left and she's holding onto it, but she's gave up fighting for half a fortune that belonged to her just to get out, so those words do hit close]

So tell me then, darling, what sorts of atrocities should a girl start steeling herself for?

[undealt]

Curses, mostly. I don't suppose you're familiar with magic?

[It's a bit split on who has dealt with magic before and who thinks it's nonsense. She seems to be the type to be in the middle category who are at least open to the possibility it exists.]

[Video]

[cursebreaking]

Hate to break it to you, but neither one sounds familiar.

[Emma would know. She doesn't talk to everyone she sees come through Wonderland, at least not right away, but she does make mental notes of new arrivals, matching faces to names and keeping herself generally on top of knowing who's who in Wonderland.

With some of the people they had roaming the halls of the mansion, it was just safer that way.]

Smokes, on the other hand? That, I can help you with.

[Or more accurately, the closets can, but Emma's more than willing to fill her in. She opts not to comment on the change in accent. Manners aren't exactly her strong point, but it feels needlessly rude -- and for the moment, unimportant.]

[Video]

[smileslie]

[the video thing is a little jarring--seems a bit like something out of Star Trek, actually, which makes it a little harder to believe this is real--and she looks like crap at the moment, but Mandy decides to just roll with it after wiping the worst of the smudged eyeliner from her face]

Well, thank you anyway darling. I'm sure if either of them are running around, they'll give me a ring.

[well, Curt probably would. Brian...maybe just to laugh. And she hopes that Curt wouldn't run to Brian, after everything]

Oh, I would adore it if you would, even before--whatever this place is, I was in desperate need of a fag after the day I had.

[Video]

[cursebreaking]

They sound like they'd be hard to miss. If I see either of them, I'll give you a heads up.

[Might as well do her part, right?]

Anyway, easy enough to get most things you want here. Now and then the place goofs and you end up with something a little off, but for the most part? Find yourself a closet, stick your hand in, and think about the thing you want.

[A beat.]

Try it before you call me crazy.

[Video]

[smileslie]

Oh believe me, I can play subtle better than those two, and that is certainly a feat.

[well, Curt can play it a bit if he's stoned, but he's been clean lately as far as she knows.

She chuckles a little bit at the last remark]

Darling, given the things I've done and seen in the last few years, this would be one of the least questionable things I've ever been asked to try. And I do try everything at least once.

[usually it doesn't involve closets, at least with only one person involved. But she'll bite her tongue a bit about that for now.

She actually tries a more mundane request; she knows she's a mess, and what she found in her purse didnt help much. So when she walks into the wardrobe, her first thought is for something to properly wipe all the smudged mess off her face. When it appears in her hand, she can't help laughing]

Well, isn't that a gas. I've never had a trip quite so vivid before. Not that I'm complaining, I'd much prefer this to the whole melting elephants business.

[this is her 'don't do drugs' kids speech]

[Video]

[cursebreaking]

Oh good. You're open minded. That helps.

[She didn't miss the implications of that -- but she's not going to touch it for now. Nope, not with a ten-foot-pole. Open minded. She'll stick to that interpretation for now.]

We're short on melting elephants, but you might see something that surpasses them before too long. Depends on Wonderland's moods and what it feels like throwing at us. Sometimes the whole place is like a bad trip.

[Not that she knows from experience.

Well. Not extensive experience, anyway.]

[Video]

[smileslie]

It's one of the very few things I can pride myself on these days.

[being open minded about anything life throws has made this whole business here and back home a bit easier, and hopefully has staved off the actual nervous breakdown for awhile.

She chuckles a bit at Emma's next comment] Well, I shouldn't be surprised by that, given the whole Wonderland business. What's the most interesting thing you've seen around here, then?

[Video]

[cursebreaking]

You know, it's hard to narrow it down. Awhile back, I would have said time-travel, but I'm not so sure anymore.

[Mostly because she's taken a trip home since then and experienced it firsthand.]

Zombie invasion ranks pretty high on the list. Human chess game, too, though I actually missed out on that one. The stories are interesting, at least.

[Video]

[smileslie]

Zombies? [Mandy does raise an eyebrow at that--she's seen Night of the Living Dead, and while it wasn't really her thing she didn't find it particularly terrifying in theory]

Well, it sounds like quite a few must have stories that would make my hair go properly go white, and I never thought I'd say that. I'm not sure if it's a relief to know I can still be shocked or not.

[audio]

[selfrespecting]

[The first thing that Martha registers when the audio message starts to play is that the accent this person's putting on is so horrifically bad that it's almost an insult. It seems that the owner of the botched accent must be new, if she's asking after other people.

Martha doesn't mind helping, not at all, especially since that second question is a much simpler one to answer. But it's her curiosity that inspires her to reply in this case.]

Sorry, I don't think I've seen the people you mentioned. [Blue hair would certainly stand out, wouldn't it?] But if you want any cigarettes, all you have to do is use one of the closets. If you walk up to it while thinking of what you want, you'll find it inside when you open the door.

[With that covered:] And... may I ask what the point of that fake accent is? [Martha realizes she might be calling the woman out, but it's just so obvious.]

Re: [audio]

[smileslie]

Oh, thank you darling. [she'd really been too out of sorts to look around much outside of finding the phone; she hadn't been in the mood to play dress up, so the closet hadn't even been a thought.

She's actually a little taken aback by someone pointing out the act--not insulted, really, but she's just so used to people rolling with it. It's almost nice, after the last few supremely messed up months, to have someone asking why she's putting on a mask without a thought. She manages a quiet laugh, speaking in her true voice]

Habit, I suppose. The one bloke--Brian--my ex, he was something of a celebrity in London [yeah, she's figured out no one knows who the hell Brian Slade is here, and that's weird, but kind of nice] and--well, I couldn't very well sound like this in front of the press, could I? [she couldn't be herself, she means. and it wasn't only the cameras, was it. She only started using her real voice around Brian when it was finally over]

[audio]

[selfrespecting]

[The woman doesn't question the use of the closets too much. Does that mean that she's already familiar with magic? Martha files that information away for later.

Martha does tend to be straight-forward more often than not, but she doesn't regret it, as the lady gives her a perfectly logical explanation. Well, sort of.] So this Brian is some kind of rock star? [The name doesn't ring any bells with her, but it's not as if Martha knows the names of all the different band members that have made their way through London. Even if it is home.]

Was it really such a scandal if he was dating an American? [Martha relaxes slightly, as it's much easier to speak with the woman now that she's speaking in a more natural way.]

[audio]

[smileslie]

[it's more that Mandy really needs that smoke, and she'd take it from an invisible rabbit named Harvey without question at this point. In fact, when she answers again, the quick click of a lighter can be heard]

Mmm. [she takes a quick drag, exhaling slowly] For awhile, he was the rockstar, in no small part thanks to me.

[she mulls that over a bit. Why did she have to be...what she was. Curt was always the brass American, after all. But...that was Curt] Oh no darling, I just...didn't want to look...common. Awful, I know, but there it is. I know quite well now that it was ridiculous, but at the time it made perfect sense, as do a great many things when one is high on fame and other things.

[audio]

[selfrespecting]

[It sounds like the woman's found her cigarettes, at least. Martha can't say she approves, not even a little bit, but she also realizes that a lecture from a doctor doesn't tend to change people's habits.]

Fair enough. [Americans, thought of as common? That's a bit of an old-fashioned notion these days. Which may mean that this one is from some years back in time.] So what did you do to help make him so famous? [It's not exactly uncommon for a woman to be behind the fame of a man, but Martha's curious.]

Oh, and I haven't even asked your name yet. I'm Martha Jones. [She's more interested in hearing this newcomer's name, rather than that of her ex.]

[audio]

[smileslie]

[oh, there are quite a number of less savory things Mandy could say in response to that, but she's going to try to be at least a little socially acceptable for a bit. Being trashy takes more energy than she has right now]

Just about everything, although you'd get quite a different story from Mistah Slade. [an angry exhaling of smoke] I was a hostess at a nightclub for some years, and promoted him very heavily. Funny how that all's suddenly slipped his mind.

[yeah, she's more than a little bitter. But she manages to put her smile back in place] A pleasure to meet you, Martha. I'm Mandy; and I must say it's rather a nice change to have to introduce myself for once.

[audio]

[selfrespecting]

[Miss Mandy isn't exactly hiding how bitter she is, but from the sound of things, she has no reason to make a secret of it. Martha realizes that Mandy is no doubt biased about the whole thing, but on the other hand, she would completely believe that some egotistical rock star would treat his girlfriend like crap.]

It sounds like it might be for the best that you got away from him, if you don't mind me saying, Mandy. [She may know a thing or two about getting away from someone who isn't good for you. The Doctor's a wonderful person, but Martha had driven herself crazy when she was around him, so it's for the best that she put some space between them for a time.]

Either way, he's a world away now. I suspect you have loads of questions, so if you want to ask me any...

[audio]

[smileslie]

Oh, I certainly don't mind it, darling. [she almost sounds like she's really smiling] I'm certainly not going to put up a fight against a holiday from all...that.

[there is literally no word she can think of to succinctly describe what was going on, and she really would like to get her head out of it for a bit, if that's at all possible]

Well, I suppose 'how the bloody hell is this not a nervous breakdown' would be a place to start. I have seen some wild things, but considering I'm not actually tripping right now...a quick where I've found myself this time and why would be lovely.