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[Alright, Stan's been stuck in Wonderland about a month now, and he's almost got the hang of these dumb phones. It's about time he graced the population at large. Besides, something's been bugging him about this place, but you'd never know it looking at the beginning of this feed - if anything, it resembles the beginning of an over-rehearsed commercial. He has a showman's grin and a new 8-ball cane he's cobbled together out of stuff from the closets.]

Hey there, Wonderland! I'm Stanford Pines! International - and now apparently interdimensional - Man of Mystery!

[He gestures widely as he talks, a sort of mock friendliness. Look at this guy! This is a guy you can trust with your money and your dimensional travel secrets.]

Now, I'm not new-new. I've been here a few weeks, and I've already gotten the crash course in being trapped in another universe by now. I don't need any of that from you handsome citizens of Wonderland. [Eyebrow waggle.] But there's one tiny thing that I don't get about this place...

[It's actually not that tiny and it's been bothering the hell out of him ever since he got here. Really, he should have asked the second he turned up, but he was kind of busy dealing with evil doubles at the time. It's the first thing any good vagabond should find out when they turn up in a country they don't recognize.]

What's the currency in this joint anyway? US dollars? Pesos? We on the gold standard here? Every prison worth its salt at least has some kinda cigarette economy! What's the deal here? I know about the closets and all, but what else is there?

[Because that can't be it. He's seen people talk about jobs around here and someone's gotta be paying them something. People don't just do things for free.

He puts that show face back on though and winks at the camera.] Any help would be greatly appreciated, Wonderland. [And rather than get up and turn the camera off, he smacks his phone off whatever he has it balanced on with his 8-ball cane. That'll probably shut it off, right?]

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[Stanford Pines.

Yes, this seems precisely the sort of character who might be related to Dipper and his sister, an aggressively loud, abrasive fellow wearing a Moroccan hat with a strange symbol and wielding his words with ease. This is a man who could sell ice to an Inuit given half the chance, and his bombastic speech only solidifies her opinion further. Evelyn knows mountebanks, penny-pinching grifters - she grew up with one, Jonathan Carnahan's sticky fingers often more nuisance than benefit.

At present thoughts of her brother ache; knowing that the pain will dull given time is not a comfort, but the familiarity of this ridiculous figure is what brings her to interject:]

I'm certain by now you've been informed that the currency of the realm is memories.

[And boy, doesn't that make her a wealthy broad?]

["More nuisance than benefit" might as well be Stan's middle name.]

Yeah, my niece and a few others might've mentioned somethin' about that. Who ever thought I'd earn a fortune just for bein' an old geezer?

[He's grinning wide. It might not be the kind of money he's used to in his world, but it still feels good to know he's got more than most of the people around him. He's a rich man here, and it feels great.

Of course, it would feel a better if he could actually hold that fortune in his hands or wave it around in someone's face but eh. He'll take what he can get.]

[What, you mean it's not?

Evelyn might as well come out and ask, either way, to determine if her suspicions are indeed correct. It tends to be this way for many people - not her, but others - in receiving friends and family from home. She has for some time thought the Pines twins ought to have some sort of guardian, and she's almost concerned that it might be the person before her.

The keyword being almost, because Jonathan did well by her.]

...Are you of any relation to Dipper and Mabel?

[The question doesn't even remotely surprise him at this point. She's not the first one to ask. Apparently the kids have made a name for themselves in Wonderland, or something like that. Not that he minds - there are worse first impressions to give off in a new place than "caretaker of small children".]

Sure am! I'm their great uncle Stanford - their Grunkle Stan! The kids might've mentioned me here or there.

[It's not that cocky to assume, considering the amount of people the kids know and how much the kids adore him. He's their favorite Grunkle! And probably their only Grunkle, as far as anyone here knows!]

So, who're you? [And silent follow-up question - "How do you know the kids?".]

Evelyn O'Connell, ah, self-appointed Wonderland librarian.

[And general repository for Wonderland-related information regarding events, census, and memories. The last in that laundry list is all she really has now, anyway.]

I'm not as familiar with Mabel, but Dipper spends a great deal of time in the stacks. I've been teaching him new codes and some languages, which...seem to interest him greatly.

Yeah, that sounds about right. Pretty sure I'd be more surprised if he didn't. Watch out though - give him too much nerd bait and he might try and move in!

[He laughs, but there's a little fondness there. The kid reminds him of another nerd he used to know.]

So, you're the librarian...

[Even without adding anything else, it means she probably knows a ton about Wonderland, and in a place with no currency knowledge is everything. It makes her valuable, but he's not about to say so outright. Besides, he's been meaning to check out the place, and she'll probably be able to save him some time.]

I've heard it's got every book in the universe in it. That true?

Edited 2015-09-03 05:36 (UTC)

[There is no such thing as too much nerd bait. Evelyn will fight anyone tooth and nail to defend the right to educating oneself by whatever means necessary...even if, at times, reading from mysterious tomes brings the dead back to life.

Or whatever.]

...I wouldn't call that an inaccurate assessment. The library here has multiple compendiums and every subject imaginable, I suppose it isn't too far a stretch to assume it possesses every book, in some form or another.

Locating very particular texts is more complicated, however, but that's why I'm here.

[There is absolutely such a thing as too much nerd bait, and it's called "a library with an infinite number of books in it". But, luckily, it's about to come in handy! That assumption is good enough for him and he grins, returning to that showman swagger.]

What a coincidence! In about ten minutes or so that's also why I'm going to be there!

[Locating very particular texts, that is. But of course acting ridiculous about it is a good way to make it seem like it isn't nearly as important to him as it i, which is why he winks at the screen and points a finger gun at the screen like he's some kind of ladies' man.]

Maybe you can gimme a hand with my, uh. Research. [That obnoxious gun hand turns into a friendly wave.] See ya soon!

[And before she can ask him any questions about what sort of research he means or why he's being like that, he kills the feed so she'll have to ask in person. And considering he's on his way right now, that shouldn't be too much of a setback, really.]

Edited (I forgot I had an icon of him making the exact gesture in the tag, good job koji) 2015-09-08 05:17 (UTC)

[With excitement this great, Stan might as well call himself a nerd. While it's clear that he possesses a demeanour that suggests salesman expertise - something her brother is exceptionally good at, even on his worst days - Evelyn has to wonder what sort of book Dipper and Mabel's great uncle might be interested in.

Research. If he's here for research, she'll eat her hat.

Stanford Pines will find her shelving texts in the history section, an armful of books half-obscuring her face.]

[In the end, he's glad he quoted her ten minutes. The place is huge and it takes him forever to find her. Someone else might think she did the sensible thing and left the library when he said he'd be coming, but it doesn't even occur to him. He's sure she's around, and sure enough there she is, minding her own business.

Stan Pines is not a subtle man. He's also, by nature, a loud man who doesn't belong in a library. He sticks out like a sore thumb.]

Evelyn! Just the gal I was lookin' for.

[He hurries right over, like he has zero grasp of the fact that she was in the middle of something (he does, of course - he just doesn't care, because his something is more important). Once he's there though, he spares a quick glance around them, to make sure they're actually alone in this section.]

I've got some books that need finding. Help an old man out?

Edited 2015-09-08 16:43 (UTC)

Hold these, please.

[Without missing a beat Evelyn foists about half her stack into Stan's arms, shelving the others in their rightful places and gesturing that he follow her down a row. The least he could do is make himself useful along the way.]

Presumably you're looking for something rare, or you wouldn't have been so eager to contact me, [she states, matter-of-fact, and relieves him of one book to slide it into place as they pass the Human Sciences section.] So I would very much like for you to be plain with me, Mister Pines. Are these books endemic to your world and have you any idea what they look like?

Wha-- hey!

[Stan grumbles a little at being ordered around, but he follows her when prompted and complies, since he actually does need her help. He could easily waste another thirty years trying to find what he's looking for in this library by himself, and he doesn't have that kind of time.]

Yeah, yeah, and yeah. Plain enough for ya? [He knows that isn't enough detail though - he's just being a brat because she's bossing him around.] I'm lookin' for some old red, hand-bound journals with a bunch of academic research on the weird and bizarre. There's three of them and they're kind of beat-up, but they've each got a gold six-fingered hand on the front. Handwritten. Only one set exists, but I figured with all this magic funny business it'd be worth a shot. Stuff like that ever turn up here or what?

[Plain enough, for the moment. What catches her attention is the description: a red, leather-bound journal, hand-written, full of interesting and mysterious information. What surprises her further is that she knows this book, has seen one of three in the hands of Stanford Pines' own grandnephew.

Evelyn gives him a funny look.]

Hand-scribed books on esoteric knowledge can be found everywhere in the library. Are these personal effects from home, and do you need them for something particular?

Personal effects.

[The answer comes almost too quickly, but he gives her a funny look right back, turning the suspicion on her.]

Why? You question everyone who comes in here about what they're gonna do with their library books?

[It's hard for him to be too annoyed though. Just the fact that they could be here is already good news.]

Only when those books are rife with mysterious information.

[Evelyn responds without missing a beat.]

You have to understand, Mr Pines, that there are a number of unsavoury and malevolent characters in residence here. Caution never hurt anyone.

[...says the poster-child for leaping without looking first.]

[Stan rolls his eyes.]

That don't mean nothin'. There's gonna be unsavory characters anywhere you go. Can't say I'm experienced in all this...dimension travelling or whatever, but that's just how life is. [He adjusts the books so he can hold them in one hand and gesture widely with the other arm.] Jerks everywhere! Far as the eye can see!

[Sage words from a sneaky old man.]

So, you seen these books around here? It'll save me a really boring millennium of lookin' for 'em. [A beat.] ...And if you're gonna be all paranoid about it, they probably shouldn't fall into the wrong hands, I guess. Magic spells and weirdness and whatnot.

[He doesn't sound nearly as concerned about that particular aspect of it as he probably should be, but that's because he and the kids are the only ones in Wonderland who even know about the journals. His urgency is more so he can use them himself to get the hell out of dodge, and this is just a half-hearted attempt to play to her concerns so she'll help.]

[Jerks everywhere. Far as the eye can see. You're memeing fast, Grunkle Stan.]

I'm not paranoid. [Although she now understands a reason why Dipper might be.] I've seen one of these books - the red leather journal of which you speak? It has the number "3" on the cover.

[Maybe he can put it on T-shirts and make a quick buck or two!

But that gets his attention very quickly. One book is better than no books. Truthfully, he's seen it too - he knows Dipper has one - but Stan wants to know the limits of this world's summoning magic. Can Wonderland make more than one copy of something appear, even when there's only one copy in all of existence? Dipper might have his own, but did she find one in the library?]

That's it! That's the last one! [Stan can't hide his eagerness, or more accurately he doesn't even try.] Great! So...where'd you see it?

[In a place without currency? Please.]

In your grandnephew's possession. [Matter of fact, straight to the point with a sharpened edge.] But you already knew he had it, didn't you?

[Well, that's not helpful. And he feels distinctly like he's back in grade school, being lectured by a teacher, but maybe that just comes with the whole librarian thing.]

Yeah, yeah. I knew. [He rolls his eyes.] He doesn't let that thing outta his sight most of the time, so I figured it'd be easier if this magical library- [He obnoxiously twiddles his fingers as he says it.] -had another copy layin' around somewhere, somehow. Or any of the others.

[To be fair, Evelyn is technically older than Stan, and he should listen to his goddamn elders.

She grimaces in sympathy, however, loathe to disappoint by default. It isn't every day that she is faced with finding a book for someone that they cannot feasibly acquire in this universe.]

I'm sorry. Copies of special, personalised items from your own world might only be retrieved from the Vendors outside, but their prices are usually very steep. I can keep an eye out for these journals, but I can't guarantee success.

[A beat.]

...are there any other defining characteristics of the books you're looking for? Specific subject matter, an author's name?

Ugh. So I've heard - the memory thing, right? Sounds like a hassle.

[A...hassle he might think about if he gets desperate enough. He's pretty old and if they let him haggle a little maybe he can get rid of some baggage at the same time.

He hesitates at her other question though, briefly. Then he immediately shrugs like the whole thing doesn't matter at all.]

Couldn't tell ya. [He crosses his arms and rolls his eyes again.] Probably some six-fingered nerd who's way too invested in the mysterious and paranormal. All of it's centered around a place called Gravity Falls, Oregon though, so that'll make 'em stand out.

[Unfortunately, Stan is much less familiar with the first two journals. At home, he's only had them a couple weeks and while he's thumbed through them a few times out of curiosity, the portal pages were what he needed and he's definitely not about to mention that. Stan has to watch what he says a little more carefully, since Dipper's apparently shown her Journal Three.]

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