entranceway | video } common sense comes crashing down when you set foot in this town

[The feed starts with Dipper’s face way too close to the screen, tongue out as he sets the phone in place. It wiggles a bit as he finds a good balance, then he moves back to sit next to Mabel and gives an awkward grin and a wave.]

Hi! Dipper and Mabel here. Welcome to Gravity Falls, I guess? Sort of? [He glances over at Mabel.]

Close enough, anyway! [Mabel’s not exactly concerned about the differences, to be honest. she’s all but bouncing in her seat.] For once, Wonderland’s giving us a break! Gravity Falls is totally awesome so long as certain well-dressed triangles aren’t here. [she blows a raspberry.]

Which he probably isn't since he used to be here as a… [Dipper glances up, scratching his chin.] Well, I’m still not sure if he was here on purpose or not, but the fact is, he’s no more likely to secretly be lurking here now than he was before the event started. But isosceles horrors aside, there is a lot to watch out for here. The woods are filled with amazing creatures!

Gnomes! Unicorns! Sometimes an occasional cow with extra legs. But the important thing to remember is that for the most part, none of them are really gonna hurt you. They’re more… [she squints, trying to find the right word.] ...annoying? Weirdly stalker-y? [she shrugs] Point is! They’re pretty easy to deal with if they get on your nerves. And accidentally swallowing unicorn blood will not give you an extra face on the back of your head! [she turns around in her chair and tosses her hair over her face to demonstrate] See?

And the Multibear has surprisingly good taste in music. [Dipper looks slightly shifty as he says it.] For the record, we mean deal with in a non-fatal manner. [He spreads his hands out in front of him, looking serious.] I know a lot of you fight monsters in your worlds, but can you just… try not to do it here? It’s unnecessary and really sort of a jerk move. I mean, a lot of them are sentient.

[Mabel turns around tosses her hair back.] Yeah, seriously guys, even the gnomes aren’t that bad, and they tried to make me marry all two thousand and something of them.

[there weren’t that many, Mabel.] And, most importantly, don’t forget to check out the gift shop for all your mystery needs!

[she beams proudly, much like someone who expects to be rewarded for throwing that in.]

[Dipper rolls his eyes like someone who won’t actively speak out against the family business but also refuses to participate in the sucking up part of this message.] And ask us if you have any questions. No one knows these woods better than us. [A beat, then he quickly adds:] Except Great Uncle Ford. [Ford is the reason Dipper and Mabel know so much, after all. He looks over at Mabel, frowning slightly.] Do you think the gnomes’ll bother Wirt?

[still facing the camera and beaming.] He’ll be fine.

[click.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

ah yes, triangles, truly the wickedest of geometric shapes
whereas dodecahedrons on the other hand radiate endless poise and grace

[Dipper rolls his eyes at the text and glances over at Mabel.] Ugh, this guy.

[Then he texts back.]

Yeah you have no idea what you're talking about and that's lucky for you.

[she makes a face] Is this the weirdo who kept scaring you?

[and then she texts:] Yeah, you're lucky there's no chance of a repeat of the sock puppet incident.

[Woah, hello there. He's being double-tag-teamed here? All right, cool.]

never fear
i too have regular nightmares involving sock puppets
it's a perfectly valid phobia
something about those poorly-made button eyes
patchy limbs waving lifelessly at you
absolutely terrifying

[TWINS TEXT TOGETHER.]

He kept trying to scare me. There's a difference. And he definitely has something weird going on but he keeps trying to get me off the trail, only he can't decide whether he should do that by convincing me there's nothing weird going on or by convincing me it's too dangerous to investigate. [He rolls his eyes as he texts back:]

Is that why you end up sleepwalking and drawing weird symbols on the wall?

See? That kinda attitude is why bad things happen.

[and that's all she's gonna say about that, because hahahaha yikes.

...also wow. he does that? she gives dipper a look and then matches flippancy with flippancy.]

The puppet books didn't warn me about that either.

thought i told you not to bring that up
bad form brosis :(

anyway that was unrelated to puppets or triangles, thanks for asking
oh hey detective boy
thats your twin right
you know the cool one

Right? I'm obviously good at mysteries and he's breaking video cameras and drawing weird symbols. Nothing about that says "good at handling this alone."

I don't think you told me that.

[Either that or he didn't listen because why would Dipper ever not bring a thing up.]

Yeah, this is my sister. Alex, Mabel. Mabel, that jerk I was telling you about.

[Which he's already said out loud but that's not as fun as insulting someone to their face. Or their phone.]

I don't suppose this is the part where you tell us what it was related to, right?

[Mabel shakes her head.] I mean he's a pick-axe and a raccoon wife from ending up like McGucket if he keeps that up. Eesh.

Hi! And I am the cool one. Thank you.

nah where's the fun in that

interesting place you've got here
suppose that explains the whole fascination with mysteries
do you literally have unicorns

Yes. Mabel beat them up.

[.......she is the cool one. Dipper won't even argue it, though he doesn't feel the need to confirm it either.]

They told me I was a bad person.

[so she did the only thing she could do and... beat them up. as good people do.]

what
oh my god
no that's awesome
dipper your sister is amazing

[Dipper rolls his eyes, grumbling.] Sure, he likes you. [I mean Alex isn't WRONG but after spending so long butting heads with a guy it's kind of frustrating for him to immediately warm like Mabel. Not that Dipper isn't used to that. Mabel is the likable one.]

We needed their hair.

Everyone likes me. [she can't help her lovable personality. it's a curse.]

grunkle ford and dipper weren't pure of heart enough. turns out no one is!

video } common sense comes crashing down when you set foot in this town

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