Astral Destruction

[deadshapes]

[ Clementine and Mae appear on the screen. It’s a little girl and a cat girl. They’re standing in a room on the first floor. Clem has a crowbar in her hand, slung over her shoulder. Mae has her trusty baseball bat and a very cat-that-got-the-canary grin on her face.]

Hey, so… Mae told me about how she breaks shit sometimes and how it’s… cathartic? [ that’s the word she used, right? ] And I tried it with a light bulb. It felt pretty damn awesome so we thought it might be cool to have an official place where people could break stuff whenever they needed to deal with bullshit.

[Mae immediately picks up the thread, grinning wide.]

So we are super effing pleased to introduce…The Destruction Room.

[She pans the camera over to the sign on the door. It’s generic and straight to the point. Then she pans the camera around to take in the room. There’s rows of shelves filled with china plates, vases, glass figurines and other fragile-looking items. Along the walls are dozens of light fixtures and free-standing lamps, as well as just a metric ton of lightbulbs, both fluorescent and incandescent. All of it is very precariously displayed and it looks like it wouldn’t take much to just knock some of these shelves right over.]

Isn’t it amazing? We stocked it with everything that could possibly go smash.

[Clementine gestures then to have Mae pan the camera toward the wall on the side which has a giant weapon rack with every blunt weapon imaginable from bats to maces to hammers and more. ]

Over on this wall, we’ve got every blunt weapon you can think of so you can really make the breakables crack into a hundred awesome pieces. Also, it’s on the first floor, room 4 so if you hit yourself in the foot or get glass stuck in your arm or something, the clinic’s right next door.

Yeah, we pretty much thought of everything. Because we’re awesome.

[Mae holds out her hand to Clementine for a high-five. Clementine leans over, high fiving her back, with a smile. Totally awesome. ]

Anyway, yeah, come on down and get your smash on. Work out some of that pre-event anxiety or whatever.

Comments

[nomorules]

An entire room dedicated to wreckin' shit? Count me in! Now that's a way to take a load off and get a workout.

<sub>[Like she said, it's car--uh... Er. Whatever that word was. Relaxing! A healthy way to vent!

Better than taking a metal pipe and hitting a person with it, definitely. Speaking as someone who's taken out aggression on animate and inanimate objects alike, he can say the inanimate way is the way to go.]</sub>

That's an awesome idea you... two? ... came up with.

_{[The falter due to not really knowing what to classify a person-sized cat as. A cat-shaped person? Well, he's seen stranger.]}

[shorthair]

It's the official place to wreck all your shit. Well, wreck all the random shit we pulled out of Wonderland closets. Best thing? No clean up. Wonderland fixes it all.

( Magic is awesome as it always is. She's learned this so many times in Wonderland from the overflowing closets, to visiting Hogwarts, to knowing Anders with his magic and everything.

Clementine lifts an eyebrow at his faltering. )

We... two... did come up with it, yeah. It was a joint idea.

[nomorules]

Genius. _{[Seriously, he's impressed. Why wasn't he this smart when he was Clementine's age?]} I'm kinda jealous I didn't think of it myself, actually.

_{[Aha, but it seems she caught him on that momentary lapse. He laughs a little sheepishly.]}

Sorry, it's just I haven't seen a talkin' cat this big before. Tall. Not, y'know, wide. It surprised me.

_{[For the record, he's not dumb enough to get caught on video talking about a girl's weight. And especially not when they're armed and itching to hit stuff.]}

[shorthair]

You should be. ( jealous, that is. she smirks though, because she's teasing. ) But thankfully, it's for everyone.

( then she nods in understanding. clementine has seen a lot of people in wonderland who she didn't really expect. hell, wonderland itself can be really unexpected. she's only just now really learning how to roll with the different unexpected moments. it's so different than the world she was from. she had to be on alert all the time for danger, and here it's- it's better. something unexpected can actually be really good. )

Mae's really great.

But wait, does that mean you've seen a smaller- shorter talking cat?

[nomorules]

I'd be a little worried if you made a private smash room for yourself. That's a lot of stress to unload on teacups and vases just for one person.

<sub>[Ryuji totally knows what it's like being an angry youth wanting to punch a bitch, but there's a safe range most disgruntled kiddos fall into somewhere between pulling the heads off of barbie dolls and knocking your pervy teacher's teeth out... Anyway, she looks too sweet to be a ball of pent-up rage, so it's a moot point.

... Hopefully? It wouldn't be the first time he met someone who looked normal and was secretly a rage-a-holic on the inside. You can't tell with kids these days.]</sub>

Sure. Morgana. He's around here somewhere.

[shorthair]

Don't forget the light bulbs. They're really cool to smash.

( In general, Clementine doesn't feel too much like smashing anything at all anymore at least not due to pent up anger and grief and brokenness. It's more for fun at least for now, but it's good to know there's somewhere to go for other kind of breaking. )

Morgana? Never met him.

[nomorules]

Everybody's really got a thing for light bulbs. I kinda always wanted to try a watermelon.

_{[Oh my god... can they have watermelons? Is that a thing?]}

He's prolly fast asleep in a patch of sunlight. _{[As he says it, he resists the urge to sigh. It's a hopeful thought--Morgana's been oddly scarce lately. It's starting to get a little worrying, to be honest...]} He looks like a regular cat sometimes, but other times he walks on two legs like your pal there. Hey, if you happen to see him, tell him to answer his damn phone.

_{[For once the cat has an actual phone, but he won't use it. Typical. Ryuji could smash a few light bulbs just for that.]}

[shorthair]

That's an amazing idea! The watermelon would split and make a huge mess. You're smart.

( Clementine's smiling as she already pulls watermelon out of the closet. It's heavier than she expects so she kind of wobbles and falls a bit. Oops. Uh. )

I'll tell him to answer his damn phones. ( She huffs breathlessly, rolling the melon away from her lap. She smiles. )

Or else.

[nomorules]

<sub>[Ryuji, smart? It's not every day he's accused of that. Being an aficionado of bashing and smashing, his mood would've been buoyed by the announcement of the Destruction Room regardless, but being unintentionally helpful is a nice feeling, too. Admittedly more than usual, when he's in a world where he doesn't feel as though he's doing as much as he could.

He's smiling up until she starts rifling in the closet and comes out with--an actual watermelon? Damn, girl, you work fast! An eyebrow lifts.]</sub>

You got it? I'm totally headin' over, I can lend an extra set of hands if you need 'em.

_{[You couldn't keep him away if you smashed a watermelon over his head. You hear that, Morgana? If you don't get home, it's the melon treatment for you, and that sticky juice would be a bitch to clean out of cat fur.]}

[shorthair]

I got it! I... think. But yeah, extra hands are good!

( Clementine huffs as if that will somehow give her extra strength to carry this damn melon. It's about the width of her arms here. Carrying it means she's wobbling around more than she's walking in a straight line. )

They're heavier than they look.

( Also, you are a smol, Clem. )

[nomorules]

_{[R u sure, Clem, r u really sure?]}

Uh, well, try not to drop that thing on your foot 'til I get there, okay? Be there in a flash!

<sub>[He says... to the watermelon?... since it's taking up most of the screen at this point. Cross your fingers and toes he doesn't arrive to find a young girl crushed to death, that'd be a real damn awkward way to go, and would probably highlight the concerns some people have with the Destruction Room's safety.

She might hear him coming if her ear is tuned to running feet in the hall; when he said a flash, he meant it! He makes the trip at a fast clip, breath coming in puffs when he appears in the doorway.]</sub>

Helloooo? Didn't get smothered by that thing yet, did ya?

_{[He's brought his own weapon, a thin mace that resembles a bat with studs on the striking end that he has resting on his shoulder. It looks like a movie prop, but the way he hefts it shows it has real weight to it. The Metaverse had transformed toys into weapons, but here he can skip the middleman and go straight to the good stuff.]}

[shorthair]

( Clem has lost all ability to be sure of anything with this watermelon in her arms, but surely, she will survive. She's nearly died so many times that it would be really embarrassing to die of watermelon. )

Not. Yet.

( She huffs as she walks toward him with the thing in her hands, and it's hilarious because she cant quite see over the watermelon, but it does sound like him. )

But I might soon. Damn, you were fast.

You want to help me roll it over to the smashing area... or carry it.

[nomorules]

_{[The watermelon is talking to him again... and it kinda looks like it's wearing a ball cap? This is getting freaky; give Clementine back, you bastard fruit.]}

I ran!

_{[He was excited, okay. It's a problem sometimes. Most of the time.]}

A'ight, I got this sucker!

_{[Rushing in to help her with her payload with bat tucked under one of his arms, he hefts from the bottom, taking its weight with a groan that confirms the closets sure didn't skimp on size. Despite this, he's laughing as he sets it down where Clementine directs.]}

Damn, this is gonna be awesome. I gotta hand it to ya--this place looks like a dream come true.

[shorthair]

( Clementine wipes a hand over her forehead like phew. broke out into a sweat there. She definitely would have dropped it in another second or two, but he arrived just in time. It's a good thing he ran here. )

You got it, and it was your idea so you get the first swing.

( She still has to figure out what weapon she's going to want to use to hit the watermelon with, but he wants to watch it go explode first.

Clem's pretty sure that's what happens when a watermelon is hit. )

[nomorules]

<sub>[Lifting weights on the regular has to come in handy for something... but if his skinny track star butt is laboring a little, he's not going to show it. He's guessing he has a few years and a few inches on her; it'd be lame as hell if he couldn't help a girl out this much after she'd gone and busted her ass setting this up.

Ryuji's not always a gentleman, but when he is, he--blinks? Once, twice, standing up straight with the watermelon in place.

Is she really proposing age before beauty???]</sub>

You sure? You're givin' me first hit?

_{[Aw, Clem, you're gonna make a guy tear up! How did you know to get him this belated birthday gift?]}

[shorthair]

( Clementine folds her arms across her chest with a smirk and a nod in confirmation. He did come sprinting to her rescue from the Great Watermelon, and she's already broken a lot of stuff today since Mae and her had to break (ha) in the destruction room before announcing it to the rest of the world.

She takes a step back to give him room. )

Don't make me regret it.

[nomorules]

_{[GASP, you're his new favorite person, kid! Ryuji's lips split in the widest of grins.]}

If you insist...

_{[Look, he's not going to fight her very hard on this, his mom taught him not to look a gift watermelon in the mouth. He was born ready, he won't let you down, coach!!]}

Stand back, I don't wanna smear ya! This is about to get hella messy! I'm gonna wreck this shit in the name of-- _{[Hm, what should he toast to?]} ... Clementine and Mae, and their sweet smash room!

<sub>[Yeah, that sounds good.

He squares his stance off, twirling his bat and raising it into position with the ease of an extra appendage. He double checks that Clementine's not close enough that any chunks might bean her should they go flying--and then down the instrument of blunt force mayhem goes, crack, introducing Mr. Melon to pain the likes of which it's never known. It breaks like an oversized egg, spraying red and green confetti every which way. A piece ricochets into a plate, breaking that, too.

It's destruction. Beautiful, beautiful destruction.]</sub>

Woohoo!

[shorthair]

( Clementine follows directions, standing back far enough that she won't get smeared but close enough so she'll still get a good view of the destruction happening over there. She leans against one of the shelves, poking her head through it, as she watches. )

That's a great toast! We're totally honored. ( She's speaking for Mae here, but she's sure Mae really would be honored by a toast to the both of them and their room. ) Mess it all up!

( These are her cheers along with some clapping and yelling.

she laughs when he cracks the melon, and it breaks more beautifully than she could have ever imagined. They're going to have to add fruit to the shelves now, because she had no idea how amazing smashing fruit could be, but wow. )

That was even better than I thought!

[nomorules]

<sub>[He's pretty sure he should be wearing safety goggles for this, or at least have some wet naps in hand to wipe the sticky droplets that splatter his pants and bare arms, but he can't be too put out when laughter bubbles up and won't stop.

He turns to Clementine with the air of a kid checking mom caught that epic back flip he just did in gymnastics class, pieces of shredded fruit still dangling from the end of his bat.]</sub>

Holy shit, did you see that thing fly? My polite society brain's making me feel like I owe someone an apology and money to replace their plates--but my fun brain wants to do it again!

_{[It's things like this that make Wonderland's powers awesome.]}

Now you gotta try!

[shorthair]

Listen to your fun brain and only your fun brain. It's the right one, because that was awesome!

( Clementine picks out one of those big heavy bats from the line of weapons, because it seems like that's a good way to hit the remains of watermelon here. It'll probably be easier for her to break a watermelon that's already partially broken.

She's not sure if she's strong enough to break a full watermelon. Watermelons are definitely more durable than skulls. ...on that cheery thought, she strides up to the watermelon remains and when he's given her enough space, he slams the bat down into the remains.

They spray up, hitting her with pink melon and hitting another plate nearby to knock it off its shelf where it crashes, and she laughs. )

Holy shit! That was cool.

[nomorules]

_{[Such wisdom in one so young. He likes you already, Clementine.]}

Good form!

_{[If possible, he laughs even harder at the beating she delivers to her foe. Look at her go, she's swinging with no fear.]}

I think you got 'im. _{[He's dead, Jim.]} You're one kid not to mess with.

_{[She's just earned herself a high five. Please god let her be from a world where she knows what high fiving is or this is gonna get weird.]}

[shorthair]

( Clementine laughs softly, lifting her hand up to high five him back. The smile on her face widens as she does so. )

Definitely not.

( No one should mess with her.

Unless they're dumb- unless- unless they have a death wish.

No, that's wrong. She swallows, but the high five is good, and she's already opening the closet, letting more melons slide off. It's time to destroy them all. )

[nomorules]

<sub>[Yes! A high-five fluent person! Now he definitely likes Clementine!

Oblivious to the sober note in her train of thought, Ryuji cheers, all fist pumps and grins, and sets about designing Clementine his version of a 'thank you' gift for inviting him over.]</sub>

Okay, okay, okay, I got you covered... Lemme just--

_{[Taking a small oval wall mirror, he lays it flat on a table like a serving platter and places a watermelon in the center. Around it go an arrangement of tea cups and light bulbs.]}

And... like that! Here you go, do this one!