entranceway | Astral Destruction

[ Clementine and Mae appear on the screen. It’s a little girl and a cat girl. They’re standing in a room on the first floor. Clem has a crowbar in her hand, slung over her shoulder. Mae has her trusty baseball bat and a very cat-that-got-the-canary grin on her face.]

Hey, so… Mae told me about how she breaks shit sometimes and how it’s… cathartic? [ that’s the word she used, right? ] And I tried it with a light bulb. It felt pretty damn awesome so we thought it might be cool to have an official place where people could break stuff whenever they needed to deal with bullshit.

[Mae immediately picks up the thread, grinning wide.]

So we are super effing pleased to introduce…The Destruction Room.

[She pans the camera over to the sign on the door. It’s generic and straight to the point. Then she pans the camera around to take in the room. There’s rows of shelves filled with china plates, vases, glass figurines and other fragile-looking items. Along the walls are dozens of light fixtures and free-standing lamps, as well as just a metric ton of lightbulbs, both fluorescent and incandescent. All of it is very precariously displayed and it looks like it wouldn’t take much to just knock some of these shelves right over.]

Isn’t it amazing? We stocked it with everything that could possibly go smash.

[Clementine gestures then to have Mae pan the camera toward the wall on the side which has a giant weapon rack with every blunt weapon imaginable from bats to maces to hammers and more. ]

Over on this wall, we’ve got every blunt weapon you can think of so you can really make the breakables crack into a hundred awesome pieces. Also, it’s on the first floor, room 4 so if you hit yourself in the foot or get glass stuck in your arm or something, the clinic’s right next door.

Yeah, we pretty much thought of everything. Because we’re awesome.

[Mae holds out her hand to Clementine for a high-five. Clementine leans over, high fiving her back, with a smile. Totally awesome. ]

Anyway, yeah, come on down and get your smash on. Work out some of that pre-event anxiety or whatever.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well...sort of? Once these twins were trying to get me to do a bunch of their chores, but they were like super vague about the instructions. They were like "please go in the chicken coop and break the eggs so snakes won't eat them" or whatever, and I asked if they were sure and they were sure so...I did it and it was kind of fun sure but then after they were like "Why did you break all the eggs?! We wanted you to break them into a bowl!" when there was like NO clear indication of that whatsoever and no bowls around and that's not even an efficient way to store eggs anyway so why would anyone ever assume that?!

[HE BREATHES and then seems to realize that was a super weird story to just blurt out in one go to someone he's just met.]

...I-I um. I don't usually break things, no.

Sounds like those two twins were assholes. It's definitely not your fault there weren't clear instructions about what to do. They're luck you were willing to help at all.

( Because seriously, most people would not help someone else with their chores. )

In this case, the room is only for that. The instructions are: Break anything you want. So if you ever wanted to give it a try...

( He could. )

I guess. I mean, they said their father was going to be angry at them, but...by the end, it kind of seemed like they just wanted to sit around and have tea while someone did all of their chores badly.

[There were the eggs, the linens he burned...the whole day was a disaster.]

But, um. I...guess that might be okay? Maybe?

If they were really worried about their father being angry at them, they would have done it themselves. Definitely assholes.

( Clementine shakes her head disapprovingly at the thought of the two. )

It's totally okay! It'll be a fun room for breaking stuff. No one will get angry. People will get their violence out. If you want company while you break shit for the first time, let me know.

Yeah...they told on me to their dad when I wouldn't do something else for them? But even though they made their dad out to be this super angry guy he just...he cried? A lot? And flooded like, the whole farm, so...

[He trails off as he realizes that this is starting to sound very, very fake. Oh no.]

But uhhhh, yeah! I told Mae I'd come by later so, um. I guess I'll...see you later then?

...what kind of life do you even live?

( It's not really a question expecting any kind of particular answer. It's more just amazed honestly. Clementine lifts her eyebrows curiously more than anything, because seriously. Where does anybody see a person who can dry so much it makes a flood? It sounds more like something that might happen in a fairy tale. People come from wild worlds in Wonderland. )

Yeah, I'll see you later.

Uhh...

[How does he even answer that question?

Simple - he doesn't. He pretends that is the end of the conversation and just doesn't respond. Nailed it.

Later, he's made it to the destruction room and he stands out like a sore thumb in his gnome outfit but at least he made it. he's still a little hesitant about the actual destruction though, and when Clementine see him he'll be holding a china cup, as though he's unsure what he wants to do with it.]

( Clementine recognizes him immediately, but she doesn't go over immediately. She kind of gives him the space to feel it out first, find his way, look at what all the room has to offer. There's a lot, and for someone who wasn't really sure about destroying in the first place, she's sure it can get overwhelming. )

So are you going to throw it, drop it, or smash it with something big?

( There are options to destroy when it comes to the destruction room, okay? People have choices both in what to smash and how to smash. )

[She startles him, which ultimately answers the question for him. He lets go of the cup, scrambles to try and catch it, but ultimately it slips through his fingers and shatters into a billion pieces on the floor.]

...Um. Drop it, I guess...?

Good job.

( Clementine laughs as she sees it all shattered on the floor and then she takes a step back, gesturing towards the shelves )

The real question?

What's next?

Um...I guess...

[He looks around for something else, but then he spots exactly the thing - a faberge egg on the shelf. He takes it, considers it for a moment, takes a deep breath...

...And pitches it into a stack of china plates. It knocks about half the stack over, and Wirt feels a familiar rush of adrenaline from it all.]

( Clementine cheers from her spot. It was a very fancy egg. It deserves to be smashed to bits, and it looks pretty beautiful all shiny and broken into shards on the floor along with all the plates stacked around it.

She doesn't want to slow this destruction-train down so Clementine's ready with with a porcelain figure to set into Wirt's hands. )

Get the rest of the plates!

[The cheering is very encouraging and it finally makes Wirt feel a more comfortable with all of this.

This time, when she puts a figure in his hands, he doesn't hesitate. He hurls it into the stack of plates, and it hits them so hard that they all go flying and hit the floor. And when it connects, he actually smiles wider than he has in a while.]

Ha! I actually did it!

( Clementine's cheering grows louder appropriately as Wirt knocks the plates down, all of them. They shatter with such a satisfying sound. She smiles because hey, he's actually getting into it!

Good. )

Hell yeah, you did. Wanna try using a bat this time? ( There are so many more shelves to hit. ) I also tried breaking a watermelon, because this guy suggested it. It's a lot of fun too but messy or jars full of paint! That last one was Dipper's suggestion.

Astral Destruction

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