entranceway | Astral Destruction

[ Clementine and Mae appear on the screen. It’s a little girl and a cat girl. They’re standing in a room on the first floor. Clem has a crowbar in her hand, slung over her shoulder. Mae has her trusty baseball bat and a very cat-that-got-the-canary grin on her face.]

Hey, so… Mae told me about how she breaks shit sometimes and how it’s… cathartic? [ that’s the word she used, right? ] And I tried it with a light bulb. It felt pretty damn awesome so we thought it might be cool to have an official place where people could break stuff whenever they needed to deal with bullshit.

[Mae immediately picks up the thread, grinning wide.]

So we are super effing pleased to introduce…The Destruction Room.

[She pans the camera over to the sign on the door. It’s generic and straight to the point. Then she pans the camera around to take in the room. There’s rows of shelves filled with china plates, vases, glass figurines and other fragile-looking items. Along the walls are dozens of light fixtures and free-standing lamps, as well as just a metric ton of lightbulbs, both fluorescent and incandescent. All of it is very precariously displayed and it looks like it wouldn’t take much to just knock some of these shelves right over.]

Isn’t it amazing? We stocked it with everything that could possibly go smash.

[Clementine gestures then to have Mae pan the camera toward the wall on the side which has a giant weapon rack with every blunt weapon imaginable from bats to maces to hammers and more. ]

Over on this wall, we’ve got every blunt weapon you can think of so you can really make the breakables crack into a hundred awesome pieces. Also, it’s on the first floor, room 4 so if you hit yourself in the foot or get glass stuck in your arm or something, the clinic’s right next door.

Yeah, we pretty much thought of everything. Because we’re awesome.

[Mae holds out her hand to Clementine for a high-five. Clementine leans over, high fiving her back, with a smile. Totally awesome. ]

Anyway, yeah, come on down and get your smash on. Work out some of that pre-event anxiety or whatever.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hell yeah, I'm always full of good ideas.

[She's almost never full of good ideas.]

There's gotta be a shed around here somewhere, right? Or we could build one.

[Could've fooled him.]

It'd have to be a big shed. You could maybe hide it in the forest, but not too far in though.

What if we built, like, a trebuchet factory. With trebuchet-making robots and stuff.

We'd be overrun with trebuchets. Maybe the normal catapults would get jealous.

Don't forget the ballistas.

We'd just have to build all of them in equal numbers? We have to have more than one in case we get invaded.

Siege engines! We definitely need siege engines. I don't actually know what one of those is, but the word is really cool. Dude, no one's ever gonna mess with Wonderland when we're through with it.

[This he will also have to look up and he shall!]

I'd be okay with that. I thought about cannons, but those involve fire and gunpowder and can backfire.

[Anything in the catapult family wouldn't spontaneously combust on them.]

Yeah, true. Plus it should be something that anyone could use. I mean with catapults and shit, you just pull a lever usually. Cannons are more involved.

If we don't have snow or confetti, what would you use for ammunition?

[Ouch, rocks would hurt, for sure. They'd have to carry all of that stuff too in order to launch it via catapult.]

Water balloons. Or pumpkins!

[And who said she didn't have good ideas? Those were good ones.]

We could set up targets like at a shooting range to see how accurate the catapults are? Fill balloons with different colored water or paint for different teams?

[Most people she knows wouldn't call them constructive or productive ideas, at least. Gregg would call them good ideas.]

Oh my god? Like extreme paintball. Paintball but instead of guns you use machines of war.

[How is a massive paintball war not a productive idea? :D]

That'd be fun. We could still have teams on the ground with paintball guns while the catapults are like backup.

Imagine launching missiles but they're just full of paint.

I mean it'd still probably be dangerous to get hit with paint at high speeds like that so we'd need to like...figure out how to make it safe.

Paintball guns for the front line troops, but like archery targets for the catapults.

[And making sure everyone stayed out of range and that the catapults didn't malfunction.]

Or like, anyone who can really take a hit. Like superheroes or whatever. There's gotta be some superheroes around.

I think so. I wonder how the other non-humans would do, like vampires.

Oh dude, are there vampires around?

Some. I don't know all of them though. But that doesn't seem to bother you.

Astral Destruction

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