Astral Destruction

[deadshapes]

[ Clementine and Mae appear on the screen. It’s a little girl and a cat girl. They’re standing in a room on the first floor. Clem has a crowbar in her hand, slung over her shoulder. Mae has her trusty baseball bat and a very cat-that-got-the-canary grin on her face.]

Hey, so… Mae told me about how she breaks shit sometimes and how it’s… cathartic? [ that’s the word she used, right? ] And I tried it with a light bulb. It felt pretty damn awesome so we thought it might be cool to have an official place where people could break stuff whenever they needed to deal with bullshit.

[Mae immediately picks up the thread, grinning wide.]

So we are super effing pleased to introduce…The Destruction Room.

[She pans the camera over to the sign on the door. It’s generic and straight to the point. Then she pans the camera around to take in the room. There’s rows of shelves filled with china plates, vases, glass figurines and other fragile-looking items. Along the walls are dozens of light fixtures and free-standing lamps, as well as just a metric ton of lightbulbs, both fluorescent and incandescent. All of it is very precariously displayed and it looks like it wouldn’t take much to just knock some of these shelves right over.]

Isn’t it amazing? We stocked it with everything that could possibly go smash.

[Clementine gestures then to have Mae pan the camera toward the wall on the side which has a giant weapon rack with every blunt weapon imaginable from bats to maces to hammers and more. ]

Over on this wall, we’ve got every blunt weapon you can think of so you can really make the breakables crack into a hundred awesome pieces. Also, it’s on the first floor, room 4 so if you hit yourself in the foot or get glass stuck in your arm or something, the clinic’s right next door.

Yeah, we pretty much thought of everything. Because we’re awesome.

[Mae holds out her hand to Clementine for a high-five. Clementine leans over, high fiving her back, with a smile. Totally awesome. ]

Anyway, yeah, come on down and get your smash on. Work out some of that pre-event anxiety or whatever.

Comments

[nomorules]

_{[Figures. Leave it to Wonderland to be crazy af. As for the rest of what she says--]}

--are you talkin' about hittin' a pinata?

<sub>[That's actually a lot more normal-sounding than what he'd been describing, but he's still getting his furrowed brow look on. Just making sure he has his facts straight here.

But damn, all this talk about candy and chocolate is making him hungry. Keep these metaphors up and he'll need a snack before he gets there.]</sub>

[deadshapes]

No, like, you go hunting for treasure and then you don't find any so your mom takes pity on you and buys you a bunch of those chocolates that look like gold coins. Cause they're wrapped in gold foil? I always wanted to go find real treasure, though.

[nomorules]

Ohhh, you mean actual treasure huntin'!

_{[Actual treasure hunting, as if that makes a difference from what he'd been referring to in his remark. It doesn't occur to him to stop and clarify he'd been talking about the Metaverse, he's too busy leaning in, interested that this cat girl had a childhood (would that have made her a kitten?), and a mom, and apparently even cheap candy like Earth.]}

I never tried it back home in the city like that. The most I got was extra toys from the dentist's office when I complained.

_{[Sorry, Mae, but he can't hold back his next question any longer, and after a brief pause it comes out tentative. Uncertain. He's not sure how to phrase this without getting into total racist fuckwit territory.]}

So is this--normal where you come from? You bein' a cat.

[deadshapes]

Is that not what you meant?

[He'd said treasure hunting...well, maybe it's a world-specific thing. Or maybe it's a new slang! It's hard to keep up sometimes.]

Oh man, haha, yeah, same here. Only it was usually just really crappy stickers and an extra toothbrush.

[Annnnnnd there's the inevitable question. She manages not to sigh, but her smile does become a bit thinner.]

Yeah, I'm not a cat. I'm a person who looks like a cat. It's normal back home. All the people look like different kinds of animals, but we're still just people. Like, I don't have a tail and I don't purr or anything.

[nomorules]

Uh, well, it's like--? There was this other world where you could do that sorta thing? There were fancy treasure chests, and somethin' like a paperweight could turn into a crystal orb, stuff like that. What you imagined became real, like make-believe.

I could do stuff there I couldn't do in the real world. Wonderland feels like it's in between.

_{[In between real and not real, somewhere in the middle ground. He thinks he owes her that much of the truth, since she's answering his question and all.]}

Whoa, that's awesome. And you don't change shape? My friend kinda looked like you in the Metaverse, but in reality he was just a cat. A house cat that walked on all fours, that is.

_{[That also talked, but... well. Let's just say cognitive shit is confusing.]}

[deadshapes]

Oh...huh. That's weird.

[She taps her fingers together for a moment in silence, wondering if she should mention her dreams. The twisted town, the bat in her hands, the feel of not-quite-real, not-quite-a-dream.]

[Probably not. Dreams like that happen to crazy people.]

Sounds really neat, though. If you could just go to another world and get some rad treasure. Kinda like a video game or something.

Nope, don't change shape. So wow, you knew an actual for real talking cat, huh?

[Like the cat in the stories about Adina Astra. Neat!]

[nomorules]

I won't argue with that.

_{[There's something about a cat girl who'd be considered weird on Earth thinking he's weird in return that makes him smile and suppress a laugh. Guess they're all a bit weird and neat to each other in varying degrees.]}

Yeah, he's--_{[He hesitates a fraction of a second because the concern over not having seen Morgana in a while is ever-pressing, and he can't very well call the little furball to the phone right now. He settles for:]} He's hangin' around. Showed up with my friends before I got here. You're way taller than him, he's gonna so be so effin' jealous.

_{[That finally does get him laughing with a gleeful malice of a younger brother waiting for his older brother to discover someone's eaten all his protein snacks and blow a gasket.]}

I'm Sakamoto Ryuji, he's Morgana. I definitely gotta introduce myself to someone who knows how to use a baseball bat for work and pleasure.

_{[New smash friend!]}

[deadshapes]

Oh my god, excellent. I'm usually not taller than anyone. Except like, little kids.

[And she is not above lording that over actual children if need be.]

I'm Mae, but I think I said that already. Nice to meet you, uh...which name do you prefer, cause I know, like, there's different naming conventions? And also I hope I get to meet this Morgana guy.

[nomorules]

_{[He laughs at her totally unapologetic pride, if for no other reason than that he'd rather be laughing imagining Morgana's face like nothing's wrong than worrying about where Morgana's got to.]}

You'll know him when you see him--he's loud no matter if he's talkin' or meowin'. _{[You're one to talk, Ryuji?]} Oh! Uh...

_{[That's right, almost forgot. Figuring out what to call each other is a thing here. Luckily, Ryuji's not someone prone to putting layers of formality between himself and others.]}

Right, most people go with "Sakamoto" when they don't know me that well, but since you're lettin' me call you by your first name and all, I'm down if you wanna go with "Ryuji." Works for me!

[deadshapes]

Haha, sweet. It'll be weird, we'll be like, representing all the levels between cat and human or something.

Okay, then. Ryuji it is.

[nomorules]

_{[Like one of those evolutionary diagrams with chimpanzees growing into Neanderthals growing into humans. Is he pre-cat or is she pre-human? Adds a furry new dimension to the biology class he rarely bothered to pay attention to most days.]}

So does this mean if we live through a memory of your world, we could all look like animals? That's... _{[A pause.]} ... that sounds kinda fun, actually.

<sub>[He could be a shark or something--that wouldn't be so bad.

A shark with a bat.

A phantom shark with a bat that smashes light bulbs and steals people's hearts. That wouldn't be so bad at all.]</sub>

[deadshapes]

Jeez...I hadn't actually thought about it, but yeah. That'd be kinda weird, huh? Although it'd also be nice to have a taste of home.

[She's been a little homesick.]

[nomorules]

Whatever that creepy headless lady was goin' on about must not've run any bells?

_{[Ryuji can't say he understands a lick of why Wonderland is the way it is or why the characters from the books are the nutters that they are, but he's since come to see that when they appear on the network, it's usually to advertise an event. Unsurprisingly, the Duchess' "recipe" hadn't made any sense to him.]}

[deadshapes]

Nope, I got nothing. She's a weird one. The twins were easier to understand.

[nomorules]

_{[All of them spew gibberish, in the humble opinion of someone who fucking hates riddles and metaphorical speech. It's as Mae's casting her vote on the headless woman vs. freaky twins creep-off that he's struck with an idea and breaks into a smile.]}

--you know what, I'm gonna damn well pretend one of those round lil' vases is her talkin' head.

_{[Good plan or best plan? (Look, Duchess, don't take it personally but your head is kind of really weird, okay?)]}

Should I head over now, then? Meet up in purrson?

_{[Ugh, no. Even he's grimacing at that one. Sorry.]}

[deadshapes]

Oh my God, yes.

[Yeah, eff authority!]

Dude, that was awful. That was like Dad-joke level awful. But yes, totally. I'll be here.

[nomorules]

_{[His hand goes to the back of his head, the very picture of a dog-shamed individual.]}

My bad, it just slipped out. I'm too used to givin' my other cat friend shit.

_{[And if ever pressed to admit he heckles Morgana on purpose, he's gonna deny he ever said this, for the record.]}

I'll make up for it by givin' your room the best damn run it's seen yet!

_{[Catch you in a few!]}