entranceway | [video] grandpa got run over by a reindeer, morty

[Rick is here, and he's looking annoyed, which is pretty normal for him. What probably isn't normal is the reindeer antlers sprouting from his head. Also the several-dozen empty glass cases behind him in his lab.]

So I was running some tests on those m-mind control cookies annnnnd...

Long story short, there's about forty rats running around the mansion. They're harmless. Th-They're basically just gonna sing carols at you. At least two of them are singing that Adam Sandler Hanukkah song, and I have n-no idea where they got that one, everyone fucking hates Adam Sandler. Couldn't even fucking pick The Maccabeats or something.

Hey Pixar, sh-shoot me an email if you want the rights to the Jingle Rats. Or Dreamworks. Fuck, I'll even sell it to those pieces of shit at Illumination. Minions movie cashout, here I fucking come.

[He takes a drink from a huge glass of eggnog, which is probably mostly rum.]

Anyway, don't eat the cookies unless you want some whimsical, mindfucky bullshit to happen to you.

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[Perhaps not long enough to see, but an hour is still longer than what he'd like, probably.]

Could be worse?

[He just gives a drawn-out, overwrought groan.]

Eat another cookie and hope for the best?

So I can start singing carols and spreading holiday cheer? [He says it like he just said the name of an STI.] I don't mcfucking think so.

Yeah, heaven forbid.

[And he thought to ask:]

... Who's Adam Sandler?

A washed up piece of shit who was never all that f-funny to begin with.

But they let him sing holiday songs? [No one stopped him?]

People can do whatever they want and the rest of us can j-judge them.

And everyone hates him.

Everyone.

And you haven't done anything about him yet?

Do you expect people to j-just murder him because he's not funny or something?

I thought you'd do something about it?

Why would I take time out of my busy and fascinating life to murder a fake comedian who I can just as e-easily ignore and who has basically no bearing or influence over my day-to-day life?

Just wondering.

You ask some pretty goddamn i-inane questions sometimes.

Just curious. See if you cared enough about it.

I care about very little. It's generally safe to assume that I don't give a shit about whatever it is.

I don't think it's a bad thing. You said I should care less about things.

Yes, do that, and start by c-caring less about what I care about.

What if I care about you?

I literally can't fathom why.

You put up with me and give me advice. I think you're a good person.

I've said this before, but you're a shit judge.

Could be worse? I could think Adam Sandler makes awesome music.

[video]

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