entranceway | [video] irrational attachments, morty

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[video] irrational attachments, morty

[Rick appears to be...in the library, of all places. Just chilling at one of the desks, and when he switches on the feed, he holds up a folded piece of paper.]

So she left me a letter. She probably left a lot of people letters, whatever.

[He figures there's no point in specifying who he's talking about. It should be obvious.]

I don't believe in sentiment, or shit like honoring the wishes of the dead--a-and let's face it, in this place, going home might as well be the same thing as dying. Because real fucking death sure doesn't mean jack shit around here. I don't care about W-Wonderland, and I barely even know most of you, a-and I don't plan on ever knowing most of you.

And libraries?

[He gestures to encompass the whole room.]

I don't care about them. They're archaic, l-like she was. One of those things that k-keep existing for some fucking reason, no matter how advanced a society gets.

[Like how she kept existing here. "Nevertheless, she persisted" etc etc. But nothing in the entire multiverse lasts for ever.]

But.

[But.]

She cared about this place. She was smart and practical. A-And with information distribution and c-consolidation being as fucked up as it is in Wonderland, some archaic bullshit like this is actually important. And, fuck, it's one of those...stability things. Civilization things. It's a basic fucking law of the u-universe that you can't have chaos without order.

And fuck me but does this place get fucking boring. I n-need a fucking hobby.

She wanted me to protect the library, so I will. Someone who actually gives a shit should t-take over as the next librarian, but in the meantime I'm gonna make some basic fucking upgrades. Digitize everything, a-add some computers, build robots to re-shelve books or whatever, since I'm sure as fuck not learning the Dewey fucking decimal system myself. Install some self-defense mechanisms so no one can fucking Alexandria this shit. And anyone who fucks with the library, she's given me f-free pass to murder you.

Any complaints can be directed straight to my ass.

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[This is the first time he's met Rick face to face. He smells of liquor. Jean is slightly wary, but Commander Shepard vouched for this guy, so...]

[Eh, maybe all eccentric geniuses like to drink. Jean knows someone like that back home too.]

I can take it off, but it makes more sense when it's on someone. The harness is important too.

Christ, fine.

[Two small, hovering, spherical robots fly out the door and start circling around above Jean's head, taking scans and beeping excitedly.]

Come in or whatever.

[Rick heads back into his lab, which is kind of a cluttered nightmare, but still clearly a lab. At least one can assume it's a lab due to all the weird-looking machines and shit. The scans the robots were taking of Jean are now showing up on a big monitor that shows a 3D model of a human in the exact pose Jean was standing in, wearing his gear. The different components of the gear are all highlighted in red and have little information bubbles starting to pop up nearby as the robots consolidate their data.]

You old enough to drink?

[Jean does a small, stationary jump as the robots approach him and hover over his head. Just when he thinks he's used to technology, something like this happens. He watches with slightly horrified curiosity as they finish their scan, and a 3-D image of his body and gear appears on the screen. Did they really just take a such complete picture so quickly?]

Do you mean alcohol? [There's no way Rick just means in general. That'd be dumb.] I've had plenty of ale. [Since it's generally safer than water.] Never had the money or chance to have vine though.

[Rick just rolls his eyes at the reaction, but thankfully doesn't comment. He's gotten used to living here with a bunch of goddamn Luddites.]

Yes I fucking mean alcohol, d-do you think I'd ask if you're old enough to drink water? I'm fucking asking if you w-want a beer.

Okay, okay. [Rick has a cantankerous reputation, but this is the first time Jean has had to deal with him face to face.] I just don't know why you'd even ask me something like that. Of course I'll take a beer.

I try not to give alcohol to literal children.

[And given how the multiverse looks, people can look like adults and only be like a year old. Honestly, fuck reality.]

[In any case, he holds out a can of off-brand Wonderland beer to Jean.]

Alright, so, your world is pre-Industrial Revolution, y-you've got giantass people walking around eating the regular people, the only w-way to kill them is to slice 'em in the apparent brainstem, and the most logical way your society thought to do this is to develop--this shit.

[He gestures at Jean's gear.]

I can hold a can of beer. [Maybe not real liquor, but beer? No problem. And thankfully, Ryuji has taught him how to open cans like these, so he doesn't look even more like uncultured swine in front of Rick. He takes a swig.]

I guess so. They say the guy who invented it was some kind of genius. [Jean tries to think of what little they learned about him in training.] We don't have a lot in the walls, but we do have some substantial mines full of iceburst stone, and iron bamboo grows really well in the north. Aside from the blades, the gear is made up of mostly renewable resources.

[Fortunately Rick doesn't give much of a shit about culture, anyway.]

Iceburst stone? Iron bamboo? What kind of fantasy bullshit world d-do you come from? Ugh, fuck it, who cares. The drones should be able to break down whatever magical-ass atomic structure your shit has.

There's nothing "fantasy bullshit" about it. [Man, a past Jean wouldn't have been able to take Rick's rancor. He probably would have stormed out of the room by now.] It's called iceburst stone because it releases a ton of steam when it's exposed to heat. It's what powers the jets. And iron bamboo is just a really hard, sturdy plant.

Y-You're talking about rapid sublimation, not-- [He drags a hand down his face, groaning. Whatever, no point in arguing.]

Alright, m-moving on. What are you even looking for here? You said yourself you don't want any mods. I could do unlimited gas, I guess, o-or is that too much modification for your hyper-specialized bullshit weapon?

I wasn't really looking for anything? [He sips at his beer again. It tastes a lot better than the swill he had to drink back home, even if it's off brand Wonderland beer.] You said you wanted to see it, so I let you see it. And Rocket already put a battery on it a long time ago.

[He studies the 3D model on the screen for another few minutes before holding out a hand.]

Lemme see one of the sword things.

Sure. [Jean pulls one of his blades out by the tang, where his triggers would normally attach, and hands it to Rick.] Careful with it. It'll cut through human skin like a hot knife through butter.

Yeah, d-don't worry, I'm definitely planning on chopping my fucking limbs off.

[He holds the blade by the dull edge and examines it, squinting at it from different angles. Yeah, dang, that's pretty fucking sharp. And relatively sturdy, but it's also the sort of blade that's going to break after only a few uses.]

I can improve on this. Make stronger b-blades while preserving the sharpness.

Yeah? [Now that's an improvement Jean wouldn't mind.] We make them to snap off at these segments in case it gets stuck in Titan flesh. Could you make it sharp enough so that wouldn't be a problem anymore?

I've got alloys that can cut through solid steel like butter. S-So unless these Titans are made of steel or whatever...and fuck, if that's actually the case, I can do better. It's not hard.

Regular Titans aren't, but some Shifters can harden their skin into a sort of crystal that's pretty much impenetrable. I'm not worried about any of them showing up though.

[Even if they did, this wasn't their world. Waging war here would be meaningless. And if they tried, there were plenty of strong people here who could defend the mansion against one Shifter.]

The fuck is a shifter.

[It sounds self-explanatory, but like...come on. He knows about Titans. They're just giants that eat people or whatever. Some Jack and the beanstalk bullshit, except way harder to kill.]

A human that can turn into a Titan. They retain their human intelligence when they do. There's only a few of them, and a couple of them are on our side.

God, y-your world is fucking weird.

I know it doesn't make any sense, but it is what it is. Sort of like how everything is around here.

Wonderland isn't supposed to make sense.

[God, WHATEVER.]

Alright, give me like a day and I can have all th-this shit finished. You want unlimited gas too, right?

Rocket's battery works fine, and lasts long enough it might as well be unlimited. But hey, if you want to give yourself a challenge, I won't stop you.

[Muttering,] Competitor.

[Nay, collaborator!]

Whatever, I'll see what I can do. Should only take a day or so.

Alright. I'll leave you to it.

[He finishes his beer, and throws the can away before leaving the lab.]

Thanks.

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[video] irrational attachments, morty

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