video | Do I dazzle you?

[alsoagirl]

[ Good evening, Wonderland! Jessica's super perky and giggly. There's so much for her to be happy about! So now everyone gets to witness her trying to be a vlogger, because she is pointedly ignoring anything involving someone's dumb supernatural call out post. ]

There's so much romance floatin' around, I swear, and it's not even Valentine's Day. Not that I've ever known what it's like to be with someone 'round then, but whatever. [ She waves that off. ] People're gettin' married, it's sweater weather and time for cuddlin'... [ She sighs happily. ] It got me wantin' to read somethin' warm and happy for once.

[ She needed something to distract her from her burning desire for vengeance, okay? ]

But okay, so, I just started this series I've always being dyin' to read. Like, it didn't even occur to me that I could do it here! And now I can and it's so good.

[ Jessica's clutching the first book of said mystery series in her hands, the top of it just barely visible on screen. It's like she had to hug it a little to make her point. This shit's the best thing since sliced bread! ]

I know not everybody's from the same world, but somebody's bound to know about it, right? And I bet at least one person's read it, 'cause it's so popular. Like, it's a movie!

[ And so, the lion finally reveals to the lambs what book she means... ]

So, anybody read Twilight? I wanna talk with you all about it!

[ Yes. She is dead serious. ]

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[alsoagirl]

[ Unable to stop herself, she laughs in shock. ] Jesus Christ!

[ At least this seems to confirm the alien theory. She's fascinated! ]

What else do you think is primitive? The other alien I talked to barely wanted to say anything!

[ She hasn't quite connected the dots and realized they're probably from the same planet, but she'll get there eventually. ]

[slapfight]

Oh, that's Lapis. [She immediately assumes, because Lapis is the only unenthusiastic person she knows.] She isn't impressed by a lot of things, but once you find the one thing she's interested in-

[Oh wait getting a little excitable there. Ahem. She presses on.] What isn't primitive? Heh. If we have it on Homeworld, it's light years more advanced than anything on Earth, but the things we don't have are even more interesting.

The versatility of shirts, for example.

[alsoagirl]

Yeah, her! I think.

[ It felt like so long ago. But whatever! Alien things! Amazing technology! Feeling superior to humans! She's all for it!

At first, her face is the picture of joy and excitement. By the end, though, she is looking, just. So confused.

Jessica raises an eyebrow. ]

Y'all run around naked all the time?

[ Eww. ]

[slapfight]

[She isn't even entirely sure what it means to be naked.]

No, no, no... Our appearance modifiers are molded to our bodies. They're part of the illusion.

[alsoagirl]

So, like body paint...?

[ Her eyebrow goes higher. ]

Sounds like you're naked. I mean, I'm not judgin' or anything. All that technology probably makes clothes dumb!

[slapfight]

They're actually really nice. The textures and various fabrics provide a variety of tactile sensations. There's no reason for there to be so much variety, and yet there is! Humans have mastered the art of focusing on things that appear to be pointless, yet have so much meaning and value.

[alsoagirl]

[ Jessica glances down at her shirt, pulling at her collar. She's trying to see it through an alien's gaze. It's not really working. ]

Well. [ She looks back up, letting go of the fabric. ] They say variety's the spice of life! Guess you could blame Adam and Eve for all the clothin', though...

[ Imagine all the leaves some people would have to wear! ]

'Sides, sometimes there's nothin' better than pullin' a sweater on when it's fresh out the dryer. It's like bein' hugged by soft, warm angels!

[slapfight]

[She makes a mental note to find Adam and Eve and thank them for the shirts later. She'll probably run into them eventually.]

I've never tried that... Hmmm. That sounds like an experiment worth conducting. Are there dryers here? Steven kept his outside of the temple, so maybe they're on the grounds somewhere. They've never been useful before.

[She doesn't do laundry, man.]

[alsoagirl]

Um...

[ That's a good question. With how convenient the closets were, she barely even considered things like laundry. She'd probably break anything she touched, anyway.

Jessica gives a helpless shrug. ]

You might could get one out the closets? Or...you could always iron stuff?

[ Pause. ]

Wait. You know Steven? Little fluffy-haired guy with a bunch of energy?

[slapfight]

Yes! I'm his best friend. [so smug. so proud... and so distracting her from finally figuring out the purpose of an iron beyond accidentally setting things on fire.] He's responsible for inspiring me to appreciate Earth and rally to its cause. I'm the brilliant champion of life and Crystal Gem that I am because of him.

[alsoagirl]

Whoa! He's so nice, for sure!

[ She breaks into a wide grin. ] So I'm guessin' you know the blue girl, too? Wears a dress, smells kinda funny, a little bitchy?

[slapfight]

[She has no idea what "bitchy" means, but.]

Oh that's Lapis! She's my roommate and my best friend. She's, erm... Difficult to get to know, but extremely worth knowing. And that smell is just the seawater. Lapis Lazulis are terraformers. They manipulate water to make planets livable. They're as crucial to Homeworld as Peridots are, just in different ways. [She sighs, wistfully.] Yes, losing a certified kindergartner of my considerable skill and a Lapis Lazuli with so much raw power must have really hurt Homeworld when we defected to Earth.

[alsoagirl]

[ ...What. ]

You're in kindergarten?

[ Like, that entire spiel was a lot, but that one bit is all she can focus on. These aliens were so beyond everything! She was lucky to spell her own name properly at that age! ]

[slapfight]

[Peridot makes a cat-like noise.]

It means something different on Homeworld. Honestly, of all the things humanity could have claimed from the time of gem colonization, why did it have to be that. You can't compare human children to a genius responsible for the curating and maintaining of the place where gems are made!

[alsoagirl]

[ Whoa! Overreaction much?! She's amazed! ]

Dude, of course you're a genius! The stuff you can do at your age? I can't even friggin' imagine!

[ In other words, she heard...most of that explanation. ]

You are so cool!

[slapfight]

I'm over a thou-

[And that's as far as she gets, because she heard the word "cool" and suddenly that's all that matters.]

...Yes. I am cool, aren't I? It's about time someone around here noticed.