00 - video

[placed_first]

[Exhibit A: One (1) small child under the age of ten (10) just staring right into the communicator. It's just like an iPad (iPad), afterall, so he knows how this works.]

Hey you guys...?

The bell just rang and I'm lost.

And this isn't funny Craig.

And I'm lost!

[There's maybe a two second grace period before the waterworks begin.]

....Whaaaah!

Comments

video;

[placed_first]

I'm in space?! Oh man...Oh man I'm gonna be in a ton of trouble for this.

Hey how do you explain something like that?

video;

[forevercapslock]

It's easy: you're not in fucking space.

video;

[placed_first]

Okay I'm not in school, not in Disney Land, and not in space. This isn't making sense and I wanna know what's going on damnit!

[Cue the visually represented huffing.]

video;

[forevercapslock]

It's pretty fucking straightforward! You're not in any of those places. Therefore: you're somewhere else!

Now we're cooking with fucking petrol, right?

So if you're in some not-school, not-Disney-whatever-the-fuck, not-space, it stands to reason that you are in a place that is on solid ground, that doesn't involve ridiculous human mandatory education, and that doesn't involve a whole lot of fun.

Although it does involve some off the wall fantasy. So I guess it's a little like whatever-land.

video;

[placed_first]

Oh, okay.

Whatever-land.

What's petrol?

video;

[forevercapslock]

Gasoline.

And more accurately, it's Wonderland.

video;

[placed_first]

[Little do you know, it's now permanently Whatever-land to him. Hah.]

So why am I here?

Even if YOU didn't abduct me, I must be here to do something cool, right?

video;

[forevercapslock]

Not really.

Most of the time there's nothing happening.

video;

[placed_first]

But you said there's no school? That sounds pretty sweet.

video;

[forevercapslock]

I've never been to school, so I wouldn't know.

video;

[placed_first]

School is like...you have to be there. And they ask you a lot of questions and they're all hard and then there's tests! And if you fail you might have to become friends with the third graders cuz you'll be stuck there!

Pretty much lunch time is the only good part about school.

video;

[forevercapslock]

Do you learn how to fight?

video;

[placed_first]

Huh? Oh, yeah, that's an important thing to learn. Yeah we fight on the playground sometimes and if you like, lose and stuff, I think you have to kill yourself.

Or we call you a girl.

video;

[forevercapslock]

...How are those things even close to comparable?

video;

[placed_first]

You mean they aren't?

And I don't make the rules either. I mean, I try to stay out of it. ...I don't think that one time counts.

video;

[forevercapslock]

No. It's like you're saying females are weaker than males.

video;

[placed_first]

Well. Cuz they are.

And they have cooties, man! Cooties!

video;

[forevercapslock]

....What.

video;

[placed_first]

You don't know? They'll infect you with their...stuff.

And this one time, the girls made a future telling device that they were going to use in the name of evil so we had to destroy it. How can you not be worried about things like that?

video;

[forevercapslock]

...Are all human wrigglers stupid? Or did you hurt your head?