+ The Moral of the First Story +

[pig_and_pepper]

[ A transmission, you see, must be like a song: Voice and instruments alike, playing its tune. Her instruments are the pans and pots, the clinking and clacking, the bubbling and boiling, the rustling of pages from the book of recipes in her hand. Truth be told, this particular song may be a little out of tune. ]

Mustard, custard, cream of eel. Salt and pepper, same old-- herrings?

[ Her eyes frantically dart across the pages- ] No, no, no! [ -searching line after line for the origin of this atrocity. ]

Here. 'Twas the wrong page in the right book, and you-- [ The Duchess turns sharply and glares, glares at-- at you. ] --could not even think to tell me sooner!

[ She rips page after page from her book, and stuffs them all into a big pot. ] Of course I'll start again, what choice do I have? But you had better do better this time!

Comments

[pig_and_pepper]

I did! I did, very much so! But-- [ She pops a thin apple slice into her mouth, chewing, chewing, chewing, and furrowing her brow when the chewing is done. ] But there are so very many other pages to fill the book in their stead, it should very much look as good as new, and make for a most pleasing read.

[ The Duchess spreads the apple slices out in front of her, like a strange sort of flower. ]

If life gives you a recipe for lemons, turn to another page, because- because I think you should agree that the moral is... the moral is that lemons are hardly much of a recipe at all, and we should not use them.

[crybabybootleg]

I don't think I could eat a whole lemon by itself. Way too much puckering.

But... Uh, what makes pages taste good? I've... never really eaten paper, expect by accident once when they must've wrapped up my sandwich weird...

[pig_and_pepper]

[ The Duchess thinks on this carefully, and announces her verdict with a snap of her fingers. ]

Then that must be it, dear! You did not savour it.

[crybabybootleg]

Maybe I've just got a common man's tastes, not to be disrespectin' ya, your grace, but newspaper pulp hasn't really got much flavor...

[pig_and_pepper]

Oh! Oh, you say it, you say what I feared, what I myself did not dare to say, but perhaps-- Yes, should it not depend on the news? Surely good news must taste all the sweeter!

[crybabybootleg]

Can't say I remember the last time I've seen good news in the paper...

No news is good news, they say.

[pig_and_pepper]

And that, my dearest, is a splendid moral to recall, I'm not surprised you brought it up, not surprised in the slightest! [ She claps her hands together cheerfully. ] You are quite the bright young man, I should say, small wonder you find common papers so dull.

[crybabybootleg]

Shucks, you're makin' me blush!