entranceway | [open video/action with a few privates]

[ Just like that, he's back in Wonderland and memories come flooding back. This is the first time he's truly left and come back and it's even more jarring than he'd expected.

For a moment, he just looks around his room, examining things and checking that all of his belongings are just where he left them. When he gets to his dresser, he pauses at the drawer with the false bottom. It's not until his fingers are sliding over the little vials of blood that he registers what he's doing and he slams the drawer shut with an angry bang.

Then he finally steps outside of his room and into the floating void that contains chunks of Wonderland. ]

Bollocks.

[ video ]

[ He pulls out his device with a sort of haste reserved for near-death experiences. ]

Not sure how long I've been gone, but you seem to have gone to pieces without me.

[ Oh, he is hilarious, isn't he? ]

Is anyone out there or is this some sort of cosmic irony? Because irony's only funny when it's not happening to me.

[ Private message to Sam Winchester and Castiel ]

Boys, I'd like a word if you're still alive.

[ Private message to Blake ]

I need to talk to you.

[ action ]

[ And then he sets about floating himself from chunk to chunk and looking for signs of life as he waits for a response that may never come. On each new chunk of mansion, he walks with a caution that speaks of endless possibilities--none of them good. This could be an event, but it could also be the end. For all he knows, he's even further along than the people who came back from the future. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I meant in the sense that you're useless and inconsequential to the grand scheme of things. Hasn't anyone told you that you died? Because you did and I run Hell now.

[ Well, now the smugness isn't so put on, because he's preening. She died and he's the King. How's that for living at the top? ]

And what a bang-up job you did. Except for the fact I hear it's pretty much a miserable excuse for what the pit used to be. Good job. I didn't think it was possible to completely ruin the reputation for eternal torment in less than a decade.

[ THE DEATH THING DOESN'T SIT WELL WITH HER EITHER. But, you know. She can't let him lord that over her even if it sucks. A lot. She kind of likes existing. ]

Depends on who you ask. It's all a matter of perspective. Do you think they'll like your little crusade for Lucifer here? Even Meg's given up on that whole thing.

[ Oh, if he has to deal with both of them, you can bet your ass he's going to make sure they aren't on the same page about anything. ]

You know, it's funny that you mention that. Because apparently? Everyone here has a better idea of what I've been up to than I do.

[ That's right, she's playing the "Good Guy" card. Or at least the whole "I'm not starting the apocalypse" card. Close enough. ]

Ah, you mean how you fed Sam Winchester your blood for months to beef him up to kill Lilith so that her death could trigger Lucifer's release? I have to admit that I'm impressed with your ability to play the long con, but yes, we all know that you're full of shit, so you might want to drop the act here.

[ He really is impressed, too, which is why he's not stupid enough to entirely dismiss her. She's smarter than your average demon, but not nearly as smart as Crowley is by his own estimation. Still, she's a bigger challenge than Meg in that regard. ]

[ To her credit, Ruby does a fantastic job of looking like she receiving this information for the first time. She has an audience other than Crowley, after all, and she couldn't care less of what he thinks of her. But Sam? She needs him on her side, even if it's clear she's got to figure out a new plan, a new angle, but she needs Sam first. ]

...You're joking.

[ She swallows, looking appropriately caught off guard for a moment, but not the least bit guilty. ]

Except that's the story I'm gonna keep hearing, isn't it? As much as you're good at blowing it out your ass.

I'm not joking. It's what you did and we all remember it. Keep trying, though.

[ Really, the more she tries, the worse she looks in his book. It's almost hilarious, but then he remembers what a moron Sam is. He's going to have to make sure that Dean has an eye on this situation. ]

Between you and I, I'm hardly the liar, sweetheart.

Don't make me laugh. If you weren't the only way saying it I'd tell you to go choke on your own tongue. Actually, the invitation's still open, so feel free to take it.

[ She narrows her gaze on him. Nope, no matter what happened to her, he'd still be a pain in the ass. ]

If you're not rooting for Lucifer, then why are you so angry at me? Didn't you hear? I helped the Winchesters stop him. If you really weren't on his side, you'd be happy about that.

[ Just calm, rational logic. At least Crowley can rely on Ruby to eventually dig her own grave with a few gentle pushes. ]

You know what is funny? No one's bothered to mention you doing anything remotely useful until--oh, wait--until you just did. Maybe you weren't as helpful as you thought.

[ Or maybe, if he actually was and found a way for it to benefit himself, no one wants to admit to working with him. Which is fair. ]

I was pretty instrumental, actually, but since when do Winchesters give credit where credit is due?

[ He's not surprised that they won't give him credit, because that's par for the course, but he fully believes he deserves it. Motive is nothing. He still helped. ]

It's a toss up between you tooting your own horn and anyone wanting to admit the embarrassing fact of throwing in their lot with you. Really, it's a tough choice.

[ It's clear she's more inclined to, at least, portray the idea that he's full of it. Which he usually is.

But there's a lot Ruby is learning about her future that bothers her. ]

I'm sorry I must have forgotten how humble you are.

[ Really. What sort of demon doesn't toot their own horn? She can accuse him of it all she likes, but she's no better and he's going to make it his aim to show everyone just how bad she is.

Oh, this will be fun. ]

You popped Lucifer out of his wrapping for the good of others, right?

Accuse me all you want, but it loses a lot of sting when it's coming from you. Kind of like a drunk homeless guy catcalling you in front of the 7-11. Makes you feel gross for half a second, but you get over it.

[ She may feel a little cornered, but she won't let that stop her. ]

You're the last anything that deserves an honest answer from me, but as much as I'd like to shove your face in it, I don't know. I really don't.

Lucky for me that the Winchesters and their pet angel remember all of this, too, then. Sorry, sweetie, but today's just not your day.

[ He gives her about two seconds of a put-on sympathetic look and then he hangs up. ]

[open video/action with a few privates]

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.

video.