002 ↯ video

[circlejerked]

Um. All right, no one panic, but I may have underestimated these magic closets of ours and accidentally... done something.

<sub>[Anders' voice, sounding contrite. In the background, an unremitting stream of noise threatens to drown him out--it's meowing, rising and falling at different pitches like a tone-deaf a cappella group trying to harmonize and failing miserably.

The camera settles unsteadily on the hem of his robes before he sets it down and steps back. The source of the caterwauling then becomes apparent: in his arms are four young cats of various shapes and color, two tucked under each arm.

By the sounds of it, more are audible off-screen. Many, many more.]</sub>

I wasn't thinking... Well, I was, I was thinking how much more homey this place would be with a cute cat or two, and then--and then they were just there, and everywhere, and now there are a few more than two. If you have cat allergies, stay off the fourth floor.

_{[As if on cue, a kitten on stubby legs capers across the floor behind him. Anders, noticing movement on the screen, squints closely for a second, then looks for the real thing over his shoulder.]}

One's making a run for it. Alistair! Alistair, catch it, my hands are full.

_{[From somewhere off among the caterwauling comes a response, the owner appearing shortly after--]}

I see it!

_{[Alistair runs past in the background, two cats under one arm and what is presumably another squirming about down his shirt. He comes back into view a moment later, the escapee cradled in his free hand. Shoving the kitten in Anders' face--where it proceeds to bat at his nose--he frowns at the other man.]}

This is getting ridiculous. We can't keep track of all of them. Is anyone coming to-- Ow!

_{[The yelp comes as the squirming under his shirt grows more energetic and with a slightly panicked look Alistair disappears from view again, kittens in tow. The only hint as to his fate comes as an increase in the mewling and the sound of fabric ripping mercifully out of sight.]}

I'm getting to that part!

_{[Anders stares after him, eyebrows drawn up in alarm, before dragging his eyes back to the camera.]}

Uhhh, it's okay, everything's fine, we have things completely under control, but as you can tell, we're in possession of some cats who could use a loving home! Soft, furry cats! Adorable, see? They're domesticated, easy to care for, and make excellent house pets. That one doesn't appear to be a fan of Alistair's shirt, but some are more fashion conscious than others.

I don't know if I can take care of them all. If you'd like to take one, we'll be giving them away free of charge in the ballroom. First floor, you can't miss it! _{[Anders then points a finger sternly, though the effect is mitigated by the wide-eyed kittens holding onto his arm.]} But no funny business. If you consider cats a delicacy, I'm warning you now, we're both heavily armed. People wanting to make mittens out of their fur need not apply.

_{(OOC: Come find the log over here!)}

Comments

[coleader]

[ Clarke is so terribly endeared. She finds herself smiling despite herself — he's just so ridiculous. ]

As a pirate, shouldn't I have a parrot? [ She's incredibly deadpan in her delivery. Anders might be able to pull off ridiculous, but she's more of a dry snarker. ] But that wouldn't be quite as fluffy.

[ They do look very cute. Like fuzzy little babies. She inexplicably wants to squeeze them. ]

I guess I shouldn't leave you to cuddle them all by yourself.

[ All alone with a bunch of adorable kitties. WHAT COULD BE WORSE. ]

[circlejerked]

And some parrots can learn to speak. You'd have to trust it not to spill all your secrets. Birds are tricky like that--it could rat you out for the price of a cracker. Cats take more effort to win over. They make great secret-keepers.

_{[It helps that they aren't usually capable of speech.]}

Yes, you should absolutely meet your first cat and take pity on King Alistair. He's getting run off his feet, poor thing.

_{[Are you sufficiently sold on cat cuddles yet, Clarke?]}

[coleader]

[ She was sold from the beginning, Anders. She's just playing hard-to-get for the kitties. ]

Well, I wouldn't—

[ Clarke pauses, then, mind momentarily taken off of cute furballs. (Momentarily.) ]

Wait, king?

[circlejerked]

<sub>[What? Anders doesn't see that he's said anything odd until she points it out--only then does he realize his slip.

Even after this long, King Alistair still feels natural to say, as opposed to thinking of Alistair as just a common man. The latter he's had to teach himself. Adjusting is slow going.]</sub>

Oh, that. Every now and again I forget it's not true here and it comes out.

_{[He looks around. Once satisfied Alistair isn't in earshot to overhear him say this, he leans in in the manner of one departing sensitive information.]}

He doesn't like to be called it, but he's made king where I come from. I knew him as King Alistair before Wonderland started fooling around with time. I've lived it, he hasn't. I'll share a secret with you--he was actually pretty good at it.

[coleader]

You and Alistair don't just know each other, you're from the same place? ...Where he's king.

[ Alistair is so unkingly that she nearly laughs. That would have been the last job she pegged him for, and not because kings are the sort of thing she'd only read about in history books and fantasy fiction. ]

If there's anything I didn't expect today, it's learning that. [ Well, that isn't the only thing. ] And seeing you with a bundle of kittens.

[circlejerked]

<sub>[Essentially, yes, though the fact that everyone from Thedas seems to have slightly different memories from one person to another is an added complication with being from the same world.

Anders' smile is still amused. The way Clarke doubtfully takes the news is about what he'd expect just going off of the evidence presented. Alistair really doesn't scream "noble bearing" with small animals stuff down his shirt, does he?]</sub>

As I understand it, that tends to happen when the country needs a king and you're next in line for the throne.

_{[It helps when the previous king had been killed unexpectedly and the Blight had plunged said country into chaos. Anyone willing to sit on the throne without wetting themselves would have probably seemed like an attractive option. One of the reasons the people admire Anora, he suspects.]}

Learning new things never hurt anyone! I'm looking forward to seeing you with a bundle of kittens. You'll be amazed at how quickly you grow fond of them.

action!!

[coleader]

[ Clarke purses her lips, trying not to sound too enthused but coming across terribly amused anyway. ] We'll see about that.

[ The fact is that she's already completely enamored with the things. Embarrassingly so. They never had pets on the Ark — they could barely support humans, much less anything else — but she can already see why people on Earth used to. They're so fuzzy.

When she shows up later, she hasn't seen a kitten in a while, and is therefore her usual melancholy self. She does, however, smile faintly when she sees Anders' face. ]

I'm here to meet someone. You might have seen them — small, furry, cute?

[circlejerked]

That sounds like a challenge to me. I'll see you shortly.

<sub>[Anders, turning to see who the latest cat-wrangling volunteer or casual observer is, recognizes Clarke immediately from her video messages, fair hair and worldly composure and all.

And Anders isn't the only one to notice her arrival. Curious about the new set of feet to smell and walk on like a speed bump set in their path, some of the cats make a beeline in Clarke's direction. It makes Anders smile all the more. He's seen plenty of young livestock, but this is his first time seeing so many of an animal in one place--he can only imagine what it's like for Clarke, after having grown up without even that much.]</sub>

Hm, I might have. That description fits several someones. Recognize anybody?

[coleader]

Oh. Wow.

[ Clarke laughs a little, surprised by the kittens that are now crawling over her feet. The animals in the woods had been skittish at best, predatory at worst — save for horses, she's never met an animal accustomed to seeing humans before. She's clearly thrown off by their friendliness, unsure how to proceed.

She stands there, staring down at the fuzzballs sniffing her for a moment before looking up at Anders, smiling sheepishly. It's embarrassing to be so out of her element; he'd had them crawling all over him without batting an eye, yet she's uncertain if she should even touch them. ]

They're always like this?

[circlejerked]

Go on, catless Clarke Griffin. Time to find you a better title.

_{[From his spot on the floor, he looks pointedly from Clarke, to the cats, and back again. Touch them. A girl always remembers her first fluff.]}

Some cats live feral, but most are content to be looked after--they're a bit like people that way, come to think of it. These ones have an especially friendly temperament, I've found. They won't bite.

_{[Er, well...]}

... I shouldn't say that, actually. They do like to nibble, but that's a normal cat thing to do.

[coleader]

—Thanks for the warning, [ she says, a little sarcastic due to his untimeliness. She'd nearly crouched to pet them before he mentioned the nibbling problem. It's a good thing he does, too, because when she gently pets one (with the fur, a bit too controlled, like someone who's seen it but never done it before) another one comes to attack her hand.

To her attacker: ] You're lucky you're cute.

[ Then, to Anders: ] You have a lot of cats where you're from?

[circlejerked]

I don't think you have anything to fear. You strike me as the type who can handle a minor cat scratch or two.

<sub>[Or several, like the ones Anders is already sporting under his robes. Such is the perils of entertaining several over-excited rascals.

He gets up to join her, still holding cats which cling to his sleeves with their claws like burrs. One leaps from his arms and lands nimbly on all fours to join Clarke's growing fan base. It's rather cute to see both parties investigating each other with such clinical interest.]</sub>

Me, personally? Oh, no, no. Just the one. But anywhere in Ferelden with a mouse population, you're guaranteed to find some cats on the prowl. What did I tell you? Charmers, aren't they?