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[ A few things to know about Kurt Weller:

1) He's not easily amused by people he doesn't know well, so good luck getting him to crack a smile without a little effort.

2) He takes things a little too seriously sometimes. Sometimes.

3) It bears repeating: he doesn't smile easily.

All that being said, he's not a completely stoic hardass incapable of ever having fun, and it just makes those moments all the more hilarious when they occur. Like now.

So, he's broadcasting to you all today, with a completely ridiculous lesson. ]

I was hungry late last night and wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. [ Ordinarily, he would just make one himself, but not at 3am. ] Didn't feel like going to the kitchen. So the closet gave me this. This is wrong. Which means there are people out there from other worlds thinking this is how it's done. [ ...as though the correct technique for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches was of high importance to them... ]

[ So he's asked the closet for a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, and a loaf of bread. He props his phone up and proceeds to make it the correct way, with the peanut butter on both sides of the bread and the jelly in the middle. ] You put the jelly between the peanut butter, otherwise it's gonna soak through the bread.

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[This guy has to be seriously bored to post a network feed about a sandwich, but it's not like he can blame him. This place doesn't exactly lend itself to entertainment.]

Great. Thanks for the pro-tip, Mr. Ramsey. I'll remember that the next time I go for a bite.

Oh my god.

[ She's so torn between amused and just plain sad that this is what the network has come to. ]

Did you actually just make a video tutorial on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

[ It's so ridiculous and she actually kind of loves it if he is, in fact, trolling like she wants to believe he is. ]

That's disgusting.

[The first sandwich was OBVIOUSLY the correct one, you sick fuck.]

[Jane cannot believe him sometimes, and she decides it'll be fun to tease him. Her idiot.]

...You didn't make me one?

[Pouty face.]

What the fresh hell -- who makes P-B-and-J like what the closet gave you?? I'm so??? Offended??? I don't trust these closets anymore.

[no, she's not being sarcastic.]

This is a good post. Thank you for this PSA.

[ He doesn't know rather to take this seriously or not so he hides the grin he was wearing before when he speaks up. ]

If you eat it fast enough you'd never notice.

[And have one very confused voice.]

Peanut butter and jelly?

[ He's starting to feel a bit like a caged animal here. Back home, he was an FBI agent, out in the field all the time. He had a purpose. Here, he feels like he's just treading water and reacting to things as they happen. He can't fix anything. So...yes. He's bored out of his mind. ]

Doing my part around here.

[ Mostly, this is just boredom, and trying to keep himself from going slowly insane from the sheer aimlessness he's felt lately. But he does enjoy making people guess about how serious he is. ]

I did. People should know the right way and the wrong way.

[ And just like before, this is all said with a very serious, almost stoic face. ]

[ Wow, really??? Absolutely incorrect, pal. ]

You'd rather have soggy bread?

[ THAT'S disgusting. ]

[ Keeping a straight face even for Jane. For the moment, anyway. ]

Had to spread the word first.

[ This was important, Jane. ]

[ Well, this is honestly refreshing. No one else seems to appreciate what he's doing here. ]

I felt like people should know, especially anyone from other worlds.

[ Is he serious? Is he not? That remains to be seen. ]

Why would you eat it fast?

[ Must be eaten slow. To savor it. ]

[ Now, Kurt is confused. But. That was part of the reason behind making this video, for those from other worlds. ]

This is your first time hearing about it?

( Miranda doesn't approve 0/10 wouldn't watch again )

Maybe that's how it's done on other worlds.

( Don't offend the- nah go ahead and offend the aliens )

Oh my gosh.

Are there really people that don't know how to make peanut butter and jelly!?

Edited 2016-08-06 13:24 (UTC)

[Her pout gets traded in for a smug smirk.]

So, you were hungry in the middle of the night, huh?

[Feeling a little worn out, there?]

I think I'm more concerned that this is your go-to snack in the middle of the night. I'm scandalized, FBI. This changes everything I know about you.

[ She's teasing. Probably. ]

[Peter snorts lightly, mostly because it's impressive that he's saying what he's saying so seriously.]

But how's the peanut butter to jelly ratio then? Seems like you'd have 2 peanut butter to 1 jelly. A little unfair to the jelly.

[ Oh, no. She's not getting the satisfaction. ]

It happens sometimes. Especially when I'm bored.

[ He says this with a straight face, though internally, he's fighting back a smirk. ]

Maybe. So they were doing it wrong this whole time. Just needed to set the record straight.

[ He actually smirks just a little, mostly so she gets that he's not being serious. ]

More common than you think, kid. I found out not too long ago that even my own sister was making it wrong. Almost sent that to school with my nephew. Poor kid would've unwrapped a soggy sandwich.

[ Completely inedible. ]

[ Hey now, Natasha. Don't do him like that. ]

Guess you were gonna find out the truth sooner or later. [ Oh yeah, definitely teasing. ] You can think of a better late night snack?

[ He enjoys throwing people off a little by playing this so straight. ]

Unfair, sure. But necessary. Besides, the peanut butter's the best part.

Excuse me, my son has gotten by just fine, thank you very much, Uncle Kurt.

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