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[ Sarah's lounging in bed, hair up in a ponytail, and she doesn't have much to say except: ]

Why are there no old people here? You know, like...I'm going to go out on a limb and say I definitely haven't seen anyone over 60. And I'm talking visually. Don't be a smart ass and tell me you're over 1,000, I get it, some of you are immortal or magic or...whatever. I'm just saying, no one appears to be over the age of, I don't know, post mid-life crisis.

I wonder why that would be? Wonderland has a youthful aesthetic to maintain? If you're over, say, 65 in human years, raise your hand.

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What, no butterscotch discs?

[ She can't help it. ]

Look, I'll pay more attention so you don't have to get upset over the network anymore. It was a general observation, and I've received a lot of general answers, and some pretty specific points have been made, so lesson learned.

I mean, you're all I have to go on unless Brad Pitt is actually a vampire, in which case, still batting 100.

[ And she'd sort of believe it, so. ANYWAY. ]

I feel like I have a ton of questions and yet I can't think of any. Which means at some point I might text you out of the blue with a random vampire question.

If I eat brownies with friends then it doesn't count because it's a social setting, and I can't be rude, so. Come eat brownies with me?

[ Friends looking out for each other, honestly. ]

Also, yes on Wonderland being prude.

Okay, well. You already got me on magic a while ago. I guess this leap isn't...too big.

So, which family is with you here?

[ His mom the great-grandmother Evil Queen???? ]

Huh.

[ She purses her lips a little, thinking. ]

You're the first -

[...Person? Animal? Oh God, please don't let her faux pas, here. ]

- The first I've met from somewhere other than a version or likeness of Earth. Does Earth even exist?

Well, the problem (?) is that he's...charming. I mean, he was nice. There was no pressure, it felt like he really just wanted me to have a good time.

[ Sarah pauses for a moment to reflect on the fact that they're actually talking about Lucifer. ]

But I'm sure if someone pissed him off, there'd be hell to pay.

[ Halfway through that sentence, she realizes what she's saying so she's grinning when she's done. ]

Pun totally intended.

I never learned how to play. Chinese checkers, though, that's a fun one.

[ One that she still has no idea how to play but she super loved the colored marbles as a kid. ]

That does seem complicated. I guess the question's really 'where do you like to call home?'

[ Which doesn't necessarily have to be Beauclair, probably. ]

There probably isn't. But somehow it feels better than just sitting down and...accepting that we're here without ever questioning it.

[ That'd be weird, if people just did that, right? Who accepts being held captive (more or less) that easily? ]

Yeah. You got a point.

Though not everyone here wants to leave. Don't think everyone here has something to get back to.

[He doesn't.]

Or they know they have something bad awaiting them.

It ain't the ritziest planet in the galaxy or nothin', but it exists. The poor primitive schmucks.

My mom and my aunt. Regina and Zelena, in order. Both reformed. Or...kind of. Trying. Mostly.

[ Ehhhhhh. Maybe one more than the other. ]

[That left Newt quiet, staring down for a long time before he sighed, looking up.]

I'm not sure that is how I would go about finding a way home. Especially, like I said, if he doesn't go home, what happens then?

Fuck Werther's.

I don't care what you do, j-just don't be an idiot if it's, if that's a thing you can even do.

Even if people don't want to leave, I think it's still hard to wrap your mind around what this place...is? What it does? Maybe that's just me coming from the world of soccer moms and hot yoga.

[ Not that she's ever done hot yoga, but it's normal and boring is her point. ]

This place is a...maybe 'culture shock' isn't the right phrase. But I think wanting to stay because it's better than home and having to take some time to catch your breath aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, you know?

[ Because God knows her brother is conflicted, she knows that. As if his life wasn't shitty enough, but that's a whole other conversation, probably to only be had with Kurt. ]

Wow. That...bad? Or is it way beyond 2016 and Earth just never advanced?

[ Not that it probably matters, they (probably) aren't from the same universe. Or they are, and a billion light years away or something, Earth is the butt of every advanced planet's joke. ]

You sound super sure of that, kid. But I'll take your word for it. I don't even think I've met either of them yet.

[ She pauses for a second. ]

So, wait. If your mom is the Evil Queen from Snow White, then who's Zelena?

Oh, I know. It's too much of a risk to try which is the horrifying brilliance of this place. No one wants to die on a normal, day to day basis, and especially not ever and over again. So who'd really bother with testing the limits of this place?

[ Christ, it's like this guy has a porcupine shoved up his ass, and Sarah doesn't even know what to do with it other than be a sarcastic shit in response, and not even try to be pleasant.

Oh well. ]

I don't know, I just can't help myself when it comes to being sure I gain the ire of old men who seem to have a lot of time on their hands.

We got a different calendar than y'all. [HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS IN EARTH TERMS, SARAH. ~~it's 2014~~] I mean, it ain't like they're usin' rocks and sticks or anything like that, but they can barely leave their own planet. Not exactly on par with the rest of us who hop from quadrant to quadrant like it ain't no thing.

...what's hot yoga? [He knows soccer moms, but hot and yoga, he's never come across that particular combination.]

Yeah, not saying it is. If I'd gotten any choice in where to go on holiday, a place like this wouldn't have been it.

That's your reference for vampires? Brad Pitt?

[Damon makes a blech face.]

Send me a text whenever they occur to you. I'll answer, and I promise all answers will be 100% honest and never joking. Ever. [He doesn't joke.]

I... I did. I had been here less than a month and I died. I don't want to do it again. I really don't.

[As far as Rick's concerned, being a sarcastic shit is a whole lot better than being a whiny fuck or whatever.]

Who the fuck even are you?

[ Sigh. Guess he's gonna have to say more that'll just make Sarah more confused. ]

....The Wicked Witch of the West. They're half-sisters.

Sound logic. You don't need to ask me twice--workshopping over sugar? I'm in.

_{[Think how sad life in Wonderland would be if you were seventy and had to watch your blood pressure around flowing alcohol and treats. It'd be like a diabetic visiting Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.]}

Meet you down in the coffee shop?

_{[They do have some of the best desserts around there.]}

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