entranceway | 5th Social Link ▫ Video + Action

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5th Social Link ▫ Video + Action

[Winter was now over and spring had just started. Minato kind of missed the snow, but at least the weather was cool and comfortable instead of being too cold. For a change of pace as he wandered outside, now that the space event was over, he decided to head to the Checkerboard Hills. He hadn't been there often. It was time to check it out again.

That is, if checking it out meant doing a once-over on the checkered patterns from dark to light, then ending up laying in one of the darker square patches, his comm device off to the side as he looked up at the sky.

It's spring here and spring at home. School would be starting again, if he were there and time progressed.

Were these questions even fair? Did he have too much time on his hands, playing around with or thinking about 'what if' in a place that may make him forget his existence here at all?]

..... Would you rather be dead at home or alive here?

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Are you saying that because you're trying to win an argument?

[Nothing matters, they have no self-worth, nothing anyone says will ever fix them because they are beyond broken and no one can ever understand them. Therefore, it doesn't matter and all arguments, no matter what anyone says, will be shut down. Helping hands slapped away.]

You're not the only one who's suffered. You're really not that special.

[What are they trying to win? Why even try? Even trying to be what they're supposed to be isn't going well, because that just counts as argumentative, as manipulative, as cruel.

You're really not that special.

You're really not that special.

You're really not that special.

They...know that. Don't they? Don't they know that? They've seen countless other Frisks, better Frisks, children who fell and didn't ruin everything to start with, children who were Boss Monsters, children who just knew to do the right thing and never faltered. The angels who fell. The ones who saw the Surface.

Flat face. Even tone. No one needs to know your name. No one needs to know anything about you.

So just...answer. Be good.]

I know.

[This melodramatic bullshit has to stop.]

I don't know why you're so afraid of accepting that someone likes you for you, actually wants you to be happy, and that you can be comfortable in knowing that that happiness doesn't have a price you have to pay.

[It was freely given. But they didn't have to take it if they didn't want it. That's what free with no strings attached was. That's what gifts were, just something free. They could do whatever they wanted with it.]

[You're not that special. You're not that special.

Their mouth compresses into a thin line, shoulders hitching in a shrug. If someone likes you, it's because you rearranged reality to make it happen. Said all the right things. Solved all their problems. And just as easily, you could dismantle it.

Can. And will.

Because you can.

So you have to.]

'Cause that's not how it is. Back home.

Edited 2017-04-21 19:17 (UTC)

This isn't home. Give yourself a chance.

[Sure, Minato was hung up too about home sometimes. But it didn't have to take over every single action and thought in the present moment. That was like the future, and it shouldn't devour the past and present when it hadn't even happened yet.]

[Things can be different here. Things can be different, but they never really are. Because despite everything, the standards are still in place. Because people say it's okay if you make mistakes, it's okay if you're not perfect, but the minute you aren't, it all gets to be so much worse.]

Why?

Why not?

[He was hoping this argument didn't go in circles, but maybe it had to go around and around like this. Or maybe he shouldn't think of it as a circle, but just more like a sort of slow pursuit.]

[Circles are unobjectionable, really. They're used to circles. They're really not that special, he said, but - there's always a but. There's the things he doesn't know, because they don't always remember to mention.]

'Cause I'm the one with the special power.

Can I ask what special power?

[Is that what kept them from being happy? There was that self-defeating, self-deprecating that they were good at. But was it out of necessity or by choice? Both?]

Determination.

[But that explanation is seldom good enough. There's a soft blowing of breath between their lips, something almost like a sigh, and their shoulders set in silent preparation. Not quite determined. Not quite Determined.]

Going back. Doing things over, if I want.

Doing over? Like rewinding and starting events over again?

[He asked just to clarify although it sounded something like that. Determination though, in this case, he wondered what the true definition was to them or how many facets it really had.]

If I died, I came back. LOADed my SAVE.

[It's difficult to explain, especially when the explanation is coming from a laconic preteen who doesn't quite understand the metaphysical logistics of their powers themself. Alphys would probably be better at the explanation.]

Did someone else load it when you died?

[Or did he do it himself somehow? It sounded like it was straight out of a video game, but their world was their own and could be framed in any way they wanted.]

No.

[Death was simply impermanent. An obstacle. An unpleasant one, but they adjusted to it quickly. It was never slow, and it hurt, and the memory of the hurt lingered far longer than the pain itself did, but it was no worse than the flare of agony that shot up from the base of their skull and ignited their spine when they first impacted the ground, snapping their vision into blackness.

Until they would wake again.]

I would.

I would just...Continue.

If you can restart things, isn't that more incentive to give yourself the chance?

[If he understood how this worked. It wasn't clear if they remembered anything past a SAVE point if it was reset to that point.]

I'm the one who can do whatever they want. No consequences.

[No one ever remembers - or only a select few people do.]

Read every book. Burn every book. Start all over again.

If you can do things over, can't you change this lifetime, then start something new in the next life?

[If they could keep LOADing from their SAVE? They seemed like they had several chances to try again.]

Just start over.

[The specifics are more complicated. A SAVE isn't the same as a RESET. But Wonderland took the later of those powers for its own use.]

That's how it works.

Starting over is why you think things don't matter?

[He supposed it could be discouraging then, at that rate.]

They don't. [Well...] Didn't.

Not unless I wanted them to.

So there are times when you don't want it to?

[Was that like dying? Game over? Minato wondered if he was taking the video game analogy a little too far.]

Doesn't matter if I didn't want to.

You RESET, or you Continue.

[No knowing how to QUIT.]

What would make you happy then, if you could have it?

[Things mattered, things didn't matter, that was fine. This was wishing thinking, having hope, and of course, they might not like that either. But what if he wanted to hear it anyway?]

[A delicate shrug of their shoulders. They could want something as badly as they like. It won't make it true. They've learned that lesson too harshly, months back, adjusting to their inability to simply - rearrange the course of reality when things didn't go their way.]

I don't know.

Do you actually know, but don't want to tell anyone?

[They could keep it locked and secured away. There was a difference though between not knowing at all and then knowing and not acknowledging it.]

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