✔ ｓｅｃｏｎｄ ｔｅｓｔ - ａｕｄｉｏ

[androidhell]

[ There's a series of sounds before there's a voice; whirring, clicking, a few strange snaps and such. All mechanical, partly electronic. And then there's the android voice from a while earlier, tone neutral. Maybe with the slightest tint of worn-out, for those with good discernment. ]

Well, I've certainly learned more about you all that I ever wanted to know. For the people who discovered the cameras, don't touch them. For the people who didn't know there were cameras until right now, congratulations. And don't touch them.

Do you know what kind of insanity this place is? Think about it. A marvel of defying logic, and you morons are wrapping up in the domestic to keep warm.

If anyone's interested in progress, I need test subjects. Luckily, I have no itch in this place, so you probably won't end up donating any limbs to science.

Comments

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[kunsel]

[Test subjects. Under normal circumstances, those two words would be reason enough for Kunsel to cast his attention elsewhere, but circumstances aren't normal, are they? Moreover, Kunsel is curious, and if progress is going to be made, well...he wants in on it. How else can he stay in-the-know?]

[But first, some questions...]

What kind of tests will you be performing?

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[androidhell]

Copying previous answers:

Logic. Problem solving. Agility. Physics.

To review, the important ones.

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[kunsel]

Pretty straightforward then. And what's your
objective? You mention progress, but I can't
help noticing that you didn't really define
what kind of progress you were referring to.

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[androidhell]

Scientific progress. The furthering of technology and otherwise useful invention to create a more stable and functional society. It's my purpose.

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[kunsel]

Stability and functionality...
What about a way out of this place? Do you
think that you could achieve that through
your experiments?

[Not that he's in any hurry to leave, not yet. He was just reunited with Zack, after all, but there are bound to be people who don't want to be in Wonderland, right? Helping them is the sort of thing a SOLDIER works toward.]

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[androidhell]

In fact, that's my goal here. But I can't do it without test subjects. I can hardly test myself. That would be that would be redundant.

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[kunsel]

Okay... if I volunteer, though, I reserve
the right to back out at any time if I'm
uncomfortable with the nature of any of the
tests. Do you accept?

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[androidhell]

Accepted. Welcome to Aperture Science, subject #435861.

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[kunsel]

Think you can call me Kunsel instead? Which
reminds me, I didn't get your name.

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[androidhell]

I think we should maintain a formal approach to testing. I'll compromise and called you Kunsel #435861.

Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

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[kunsel]

Alright, that's a fair compromise.
You, uh, got a condensed version of that?

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[androidhell]

GLaDOS.

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[kunsel]

That would make sense.
GLaDOS, then. I'd say it's a pleasure, but
I think we've already established that it's
just business.

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[androidhell]

It's a pleasure doing business. I can say it. I don't mind.

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[kunsel]

[He'd laugh, except across text, it'd be lost in translation.]

Alright, put that way, I can't do anything
else besides agree.
Call on me when you need me, GLaDOS. I'll be
around. Until then...try not to do anything
that I wouldn't do.

[And he disconnects.]