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[ Sarah's lounging in bed, hair up in a ponytail, and she doesn't have much to say except: ]

Why are there no old people here? You know, like...I'm going to go out on a limb and say I definitely haven't seen anyone over 60. And I'm talking visually. Don't be a smart ass and tell me you're over 1,000, I get it, some of you are immortal or magic or...whatever. I'm just saying, no one appears to be over the age of, I don't know, post mid-life crisis.

I wonder why that would be? Wonderland has a youthful aesthetic to maintain? If you're over, say, 65 in human years, raise your hand.

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_{[Spreading his hands in the "I got this" manner of someone about to crack this mystery wide open.]}

There are too many stairs for the elderly. Think of all those aching knees--that'd just be mean.

There are too many stairs for me, Anders. I hate this place and all its floors.

[ As if that's the thing to hate it for. ]

But just think how buff your legs will be!

_{[Someone who doesn't even know what an elevator looks like shouldn't be complaining about stairs, but hey, it's a working theory.]}

And you've still got a few good stair-climbing years left in you.

I'm just saying I don't think this place would be less amazing if it had a way to get from here to the tenth floor without my chest feeling like it set itself on fire. So, I guess that's why have to give up all the food I really love and...

[ Grumble. ]

...Keep exercising.

[ She pouts, but honestly, she's not that mad about it. She's even slowly getting into a routine. ]

It never made sense to me that we can alter the rooms with our imaginations but we can't install a slide to ride to the bottom floor. That would make things a sight easier for young and old alike. And more exciting.

_{[A tiny percentage of that suggestion might actually be serious. What? I's true! The fact the hallways don't rearrange themselves to make them more comfortable is strange for a mansion that can do everything else. (And a grown man can still find slides cool.)]}

You should do the opposite. _{[Her pout meets with chuckling.]} No need to become an ascetic. Indulge in the things you like--it's the only way to balance the things we don't like, like stairs.

This place can do so much, and yet.

[ Not that, it seems. ]

So what you're saying is, I worked out hardcore this morning so I definitely deserve a brownie.

[ Or five. ]

No slip 'n' slides, no elderly, no permanent property damage... Wonderland's a bit prudish, isn't it?

_{[Nodding sagely along because Sarah is his friend and good friends exist to support the consumption of baked goods. His answer is always perma-yes.]}

You absolutely deserve a brownie. Can't puzzle out the great mysterious of Wonderland on an empty stomach.

If I eat brownies with friends then it doesn't count because it's a social setting, and I can't be rude, so. Come eat brownies with me?

[ Friends looking out for each other, honestly. ]

Also, yes on Wonderland being prude.

Sound logic. You don't need to ask me twice--workshopping over sugar? I'm in.

_{[Think how sad life in Wonderland would be if you were seventy and had to watch your blood pressure around flowing alcohol and treats. It'd be like a diabetic visiting Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.]}

Meet you down in the coffee shop?

_{[They do have some of the best desserts around there.]}

I'll be there in five minutes or so.

[ With a little wave, she disconnects, then sweeps her hair up in a ponytail before heading down, getting the treat she came for and finding him. ]

Brownie buddy.

[ Well, she tried it as a nickname and that's just not gonna work out. ]

Nope, I'm never calling you that again, that was terrible.

_{[Anders knows it's Sarah approaching his table because she's guaranteed to put a smile on his face and is by far his favorite single mother in Wonderland. And also because he recognizes her voice. If Sarah and Iris haven't hung out and discussed the finer points of brownies yet, they really need to.]}

Oh, I don't know. I've been called worse and it's hard not to like a good alliteration.

_{[He holds out a hand to the free chair across from him. Sit, sit, join him while he sips this coffee and by virtue of his presence grants you permission to eat that thing. If he's going to be a brownie buddy, he'll be an excellent one, thank you.]}

How did the network surveying go? Any good results?

[ First thing first as she sits: bite of brownie accomplished, and then she nods. ]

Some old, bitter guy named Rick said there's about a dozen older people roaming around here. And some vampires replied so that was neat. Including one I made out with during the summer and had no idea he wasn't...you know. Human.

A bitter old guy. It's because of the stairs, isn't it.

_{[It's the stairs. Of course then Sarah has to go and say she made out with a bitter old vampire, and that rather steals the show.]}

Really? _{[Said more like really in that drawn-out drawl of interested gossipmongers everywhere.]} I was thinking more along the lines of revelations about the population index here, not "my summer fling drinks blood." The teeth didn't give it away?

He didn't have the teeth!

[ She says quickly and high pitched in self-defense. ]

I mean, it was that Halloween thing with the monster that ate people, and even if he had the teeth I probably thought it was his costume or something.

[ Sarah's gonna have to pay attention when Damon smiles the next time she sees him because she's positive he didn't have the teeth. ]

I suppose you'd know.

_{[Giving his mouth a close inspection and all.]}

I understand that holiday's all about dressing up as monsters. Gotta hand it to the bloodsuckers, they know how to time their moves. _{[Look, Anders is a man. On some distant cellular level, he can appreciate the ballsiness.]} He didn't feel like a corpse to the touch, I take it? That seems like it'd be an immediate deal breaker.

Oh yeah, totally, like an ice box. That's my thing.

[ She says it completely straight and even takes a sip of coffee before smirking. ]

I'm kidding, no, he felt totally normal to me. And he was a gentleman, so. His girlfriend's here now, but we're still friends. Actually, all three of us are. She's teaching me how to shoot a crossbow.

Some people have particular tastes.

_{[Just saying... in a totally judgement-free way. When they have actual animated corpses strutting about, statistically there must be a necrophilia or two in residence.

Look, Sarah, whatever you're into, it's okay to embrace your inner freak.]}

I'm working off the assumption these aren't vampires feeding off people and that's why the crossbow has been pointed in the other direction until now.

_{[Dangerous bloodsuckers seems like one of those things you'd shoot, not date.]}

The closets conveniently supply blood and body parts, so vampires are covered. Also, people who eat body parts.

[ She makes a slight face at imagining having to consume either of those two things for sustenance. ]

Were you here when a cannibal lived here? I wasn't, but I've heard stories and that is so screwed up. I mean, first of all, how far can you get in Wonderland before people figure out it's you eating people?

_{[Body parts. What a pleasant thought.]}

Hope you enjoy that brownie.

_{[It's probably going to taste a little of despair now, congrats there.]}

Now that you ask, I'm not too sure. _[Wearily:] You mean we don't have one at the moment. Given how heavily things that want to eat us feature in people's event memories, I'm a bit surprised. Maybe they were a pacifist cannibal. Closet bodies only.

_{[Make no mistake, that's 100% sarcasm.]}

Gonna take more than this conversation to stop me from eating chocolate, honestly.

[ Seriously, she's got a problem. ]

Look, if there is a cannibal here now, even more motivation to work out because no one wants something too lean, right?

[ Is she seriously talking about the preferred cuts of human meat a cannibal would like? Yes. She is. ]

So, this is a weird topic. Thanks, Wonderland.

Now you're starting to look at exercise like me. Stay fit, run fast, and the things that want to kill you might give up and go elsewhere. For both our sakes, I'm glad we missed out on dinner parties with the neighborhood cannibal.

_{[Sarah may be sporting a capacity for dark, morbid humor, but Anders isn't too far behind, laughing at her determination to keep chocolate on her menu while avoiding ending up on someone else's.]}

Remember the days when it just talking about the weather and who was thinking of asking out who? Now we have geriatric immortals and non-humans' dietary restrictions.

We were so young, and life was so simple.

[ She sighs wistfully, then snaps out of it. ]

So how are you? Have any gossip about anyone worth sharing?

[ C'mon, Anders, spill things. ]

That was the golden age, wasn't it?

_{[Though Anders can't recall having many of those days before Wonderland, truth be told. A guy can dream that one day his problems will amount to day-ruining rainstorms and petty neighbor disputes.]}

Ah, sorry to say I'm fresh out of stories on bloodsuckers or strangers I've kissed recently. Would you settle for a cute cat photo?

I think the only question here, Anders, is who wouldn't settle for a cute cat photo?

Also, what's your type? Is she - or he - anywhere around? Need a wing woman?

Then do I have a treat in store for you. I don't mess about with my cat photos.

_{[Pulling his device out of the folds of his robes, he clicks a handful of buttons, queueing up what in his mind is undoubtedly worth sharing, sliding the device across the table to her.

It's not salacious gossip, but it is a baby animal, so... worth it?]}

Who says I'm still not holding out hope for that threesome?

_{[Is Option C: "all comers welcome" an answer?]}

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