Madame Director [Lucretia] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
voidfished) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
entranceway2017-10-16 08:39 pm
voidfished) wrote in entranceway2017-10-16 08:39 pm
journal entry #1 [video]
[When the camera turns on, it's focused on an older woman, easily in her late 50's, with short, white curled hair. Her deep blue robes and ornate staff, coupled with her rather serious expression, make her a rather imposing figure. She's holding a blue and silver bound journal, which she seems to be scribbling fervently in until she notices the device is on, and she re-steadies it quickly to give her message.]
I would like to request an audience with whoever seems to have summoned me to their, uhm... lovely home. I understand that there are many who require my attention, but my situation is rather urgent, and I can't spare any time at the moment.
[As the message goes on, she seems increasingly tense, gripping harder to her staff and seemingly obviously distracted.]
Provided this is broadcasting to more than one person, any help would be appreciated.
[Quickly, she reaches out, fumbling with a few buttons before the feed cuts.]
I would like to request an audience with whoever seems to have summoned me to their, uhm... lovely home. I understand that there are many who require my attention, but my situation is rather urgent, and I can't spare any time at the moment.
[As the message goes on, she seems increasingly tense, gripping harder to her staff and seemingly obviously distracted.]
Provided this is broadcasting to more than one person, any help would be appreciated.
[Quickly, she reaches out, fumbling with a few buttons before the feed cuts.]
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Lucretia is scared of the future, of how the boys will react. But here, she just overwhelmingly needs to talk to her. She needs what she's been missing for so long- her best friend.
She manages to calm her breathing just a bit, enough that she can speak, though she keeps their heads tucked tight, not quite looking her in the eyes.]
You disappeared. You went off to look for the gauntlet and-- I couldn't take it anymore, Lup. What we did to the world, what the Relics did, it-- It was changing us. I had to protect everyone, and without you around, Barry and Taako-- it was too much, Lup. It was all too much.
[She remembers those months in her room so vividly, the careful, precise auditing. How specific she knew she needed to be to get everything right, the surgical cuts to a timeline.]
I knew no one would agree to help me get the relics back, to try again. So I... I fed our mission record to Fisher. It erased everyone's memories of the entire journey, and each other. I gave them-- I gave them kind lives, Lup, and I always intended to bring them back once I had collected the relics. But getting them back on my own was impossible, and I made an organization dedicated to reclaiming these relics, but everyone I sent couldn't resist their power. Fisher, it-- it had a child, and I had to bring on Taako, Magnus, and Merle to help me find and reclaim them. But I couldn't let them know about the mission, or they would have opposed me.
[She takes a shaky breath, words tumbling, so uncoordinated in comparison to her usual thoughtful choice and placement.]
I-- I lost track of Barry early on, I know he's been around as a lich trying to get the boys to remember, he-- he broke in with them, before I came here. And Davenport, he... he was more hurt by forgetting than I thought. I've kept him by my side ever since.
[Lucretia squeezes Lup a little tighter, as some sort of reassurance that the other woman won't break from her arms, or at least if she could hold a minute longer in them.]
Taako came back from collecting your relic with your staff. He said-- he said he only saw a skeleton. I don't know what happened, but I could never find you. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
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And even with the betrayal right there, weighted words uttered carefully into her ear, Lup trusts this woman and takes to heart everything Lucretia spills into her.
It's just... so fucking much to take in.
It hurts to know how badly her friends suffered from her disappearance. Of course she'd known no one was going to be happy with her decision, it was why she'd slipped away through the night in the first place. But Lup hadn't meant for it to take as long as it had to track down the gauntlet. She hadn't expected Taako and Barry to suffer so much in her absence. But, but if she never came back...
Lucretia took things into her own hands and tried to fix the wrong they'd made. Lup wonders just what 'kind lives' means coming from Lucretia. What kind of life could any of them have without each other? Their lives were too strongly woven together, knotted threads impossible to separate, the family each of them had always needed. How can you just uproot a hundred years of love and call that a kindness? Was Taako forgetting his twin part of this kind life? Maybe it's selfish on her part, but she'd rather Taako have thought her dead than forgotten her completely.
The mention of Barry being a lich falls right into line with what Angus had mentioned to her, which brings along another crushing wave of guilt upon the elf, another few sobs falling from her as she clutches at Lucretia. At least Taako, Magnus, and Merle were given supposed kind lives from Lucretia. But Barry was cast out alone with the memories he was allowed to keep. Had he kept trying to bring their family together the whole time? Was he still looking for her? Wasting his time searching for someone who'd disappeared completely from the world?
Where the fuck had she gone?
It would probably be more disturbing to literally anyone else to hear about their brother stumbling upon their skeleton, but that's honestly the least disturbing part of this story. Of course she'd died. Burning her corporeal body like that is the only thing that makes sense. The real worry is where did her lich form float off to? The world they'd landed on had seemed normal enough, so very similar to where they'd all come from. It hadn't been filled with magic users powerful enough to fell liches on the regular, at least Lup hadn't seen as much. So. What the fuck.]
So what? Barry broke in with them and called you out on your shit? [Surprisingly, as angry or sarcastic as that could have come out, it's not. Lup just wants to know exactly what happened before Lucretia came here. How close her brother may have been to figuring out the truth.]
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What choice did she have but to finish, when she returned? All of her plans were in this- she had to see it through. She had to make all of this pain worth it. She had to have made it worth something, after it all.]
He had broken in once earlier in the year. He possessed one of my agents and found out about the child. So... yes, in a sense. He inoculated them and Davenport, but... the Hunger had already arrived. And then I came here.
[Here, in mere- minutes, less than an hour, and she still feels like she's falling.]
I'm sorry, Lup, I did everything I could to keep them safe. I did what I had to to save them. I need you to understand that I never would have done this without purpose. I couldn't stand to see them suffer like that, not when there was something I could do about it.
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Lup pulls away with a start, her hands falling down to grip tightly at the sleeves of Lucretia's robes, but she puts enough distance between them to finally look the other woman in the eyes. She's a mess, eyes pink and her face shining wetly with tears, but more than the pain of losing Taako, the hurt of being lost to the unknown in her future, there's something new there along the sharp lines of Lup's face. She looks startled, like she's caught in disbelief and trying to process Lucretia's words, her mouth falling open.
It feels just as real a slap to the face as the one she'd just given.
Lucretia had led the Hunger right to the very world they'd been trying to save? Right to them? After nearly two years of wallowing in agony over the destruction their relics had wrought, Lucretia had thrown all of that fucking sacrifice away to bring the Biggest Bad straight to the world that had already suffered so much because of them? Lup almost can't believe, refuses to believe it, but the hurt on Lucretia's face, the open and vulnerable way she's looking at Lup tells the elf it's so very real.
And really, it takes all that Lup has not to just deck the other woman right then and there.
Instead she huffs and finally releases Lucretia completely, throwing her hands up in the air over her head and looking more exasperated than anything.] Lucretia! What the fuck! Was bringing the Hunger straight to that plane a part of your stupid plan?
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Part of her, despite herself, is angry. She's worked hard on this, so fucking hard, spent ten years burning and hurting for this plan. She lost her family. She sacrificed friends. She lost twenty fucking years, so much of her identity, so much of who she was to this. It means something. It has to fucking mean something, and how dare anyone tell her it doesn't. She worked so hard. She worked so hard.]
Not-- Not intentionally. I had to collect the Light. I don't have enough power to shield the plane without it, but I ran out of time. The Hunger found us after only 3 relics had been collected. I-- I had to make sure the boys could get them safely, I ran out of time.
[She was going to do it, too, she was just-- just a few more minutes to finish channeling the power out of the Bell. And she carried nearly all of it here. Will the Hunger follow? Will she have damned them in a year, wherever they are?]
Lup, you knew we couldn't let the relics keep existing like they were. People were dying. We were killing that plane. I couldn't sit by and watch.
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Lup still loves her. No matter what mistakes she's made.
So Lup listens, hands falling to her side, waiting to hear the point that Lucretia is making. Though that doesn't stop her commentary along the way. The elf huffs a little at the mention of three relics alone being enough to alert the Hunger to their presence. Duh!] Of course it did. The strength of the light had to be reduced down to fifteen percent, that's why we split it up into so many pieces in the first place. Barry knew what he was talking about. We weren't playing around.
[It may not have worked exactly as intended, but they never could have foresaw how powerful the relics would become. Everything else though? Had been spot on. It had worked. For two years they hadn't seen a single touch of the Hunger headed their way.]
Don't say that like I did nothing. I know what we brought on them. I fucking know. [As if her dreams still weren't just twisted versions of whole towns burning up because of her gauntlet.]
But Lucretia, I found... I found a vault. Deep down in some awful Dwarven mine. I'd been searching and searching and finally found a place to to hide the gauntlet. Away from the world. Where it's stupid craveability would stay in effect. We could never risk putting them all in the same damn vault, but there are dwarves all over that world. We could find other similar vaults, hide all of them all across the world. And--And it may not be forever, but it could've bought us the time we'd have needed. To starve out the hunger or to come up with a better plan. I just...
[Of course Lucretia hadn't meant to do it, but gods. The Hunger meant the end of everything. There was no coming back from it.]
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They're still close, but she tucks herself in, finally, hands to her elbows, body tucked tight.]
People still found it, Lup. I still found it. It's-- it's gone now. It can't hurt another city, but... Lup, it was a miracle none of these destroyed the world before we even got to them. Making everyone forget meant that no one was seeking them, or at least not specifically. Finding them became... a fluke. I just...
[Wanted everyone to stop hurting, wanting to stop seeing Barry crying into Taako's shoulder sitting together on the couch with their hands clasped tight, wanted to stop seeing Davenport and Merle's quiet discussions where they tried to run numbers and distract each other and couldn't just live, wanted to stop seeing Magnus and his quiet grief where he'd try to create and come up empty.]
Everyone wanted so badly to really make it a home. And I wanted to give them that life. And I could. I could get the Relics and everyone could have a home. I always intended on bringing them back. I always wanted to bring them home, Lup. I just had to make it a place worth living, first.
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Maybe it had been foolish, but Lup had put everything into her plan, had ripped herself away from her own family just to see to it that her relic was locked away. To make certain that no one else would ever fall victim to her creation ever again. But it was still found. And Lucretia makes it sound like it had been as simple as anything, like all anyone had to do was walk down into the mines and grab it out. So everything she'd worked towards was all for nothing. Her painful disappearance into the night had all been a waste.
It's difficult for her to swallow, the greatness of her failure. Lup doesn't burst into tears again, but she slumps briefly before just plopping to the ground, suddenly looking so tired, a shadow of the bright, energetic young woman she'd been. It had all been pointless. All of it. She hadn't saved anyone and she'd lost everything because of it. What a waste.
Lucretia's still talking, but it's hard for Lup to focus on her words with this new weight pressing into her. At least Lucretia had stepped forward to collect her relic when no one else could. Maybe the other woman's plan had more merit to it than Lup had previously considered.]
I know. [And she does. She's too exhausted to be upset with Lucretia any longer. Besides, she knows this woman, knows the goodness of her heart.] I know, Luce. Shit just got away from you. I get it.
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Lucretia had spent the better part of the last 10 years thinking about consequences. When they would come for her, when truth would pull at her robes and reveal her, the empress without clothes. But this is palpable. This is a tangible moment, a final strike for the nights she spent lonely, for years of struggle for nothing. Nothing if Lup is broken. Nothing if her family is destroyed forever because of her.
She slips down next to Lup, shoulders touching, wanting desperately to deserve to hold her hand.]
It did take me... a long time. Years, to regain even my relic. Finding yours wasn't easy.
[It was the first one she looked for, in the hope beyond hopes that Lup would be with it. But all she found was Taako and her staff.
It wasn't enough.]
I'm sorry, Lup. In the end, I... I failed, too. I had to ask for help. I couldn't save everyone. I hurt-- good people, trying to protect everyone. I wasn't strong enough.
[In her isolation, up on the second moon, her own star in a sea of night, pulled out of the constellation and reshaping the sky.
She's quiet, struggling for words.]
I missed you. I missed you more than anything.
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She doesn't even notice Lucretia's on the ground next to her until the other woman is telling her how much she had been missed. She feels so disconnected from Lucretia's truth. For Lup, she hadn't even been gone long enough to be missed. But for Lucretia, she'd been missing for years upon years, disappearing without a trace, leaving only her relic behind.
Had the gauntlet been powerful enough to destroy her lich form? Had she gone to retrieve her relic and ended up killed twice over instead? The most pointless of deaths. How different would things have gone if she'd just brought Taako or Barry along with her? Would none of this had happened? Would her friends have been spared of losing their memories? Would Lucretia have been spared of having to do all of this on her own?
Her tongue feels heavy, words lodged painfully in her throat.] Never meant to be gone long.
[One more mistake to add to the list. One more mistake she left for someone else to clean up.]
It doesn't matter. [It does. Everything matters too much, but Lup scrubs the last remaining tears off of her cheeks and sighs, leaning back on her heels. She's fine. She's fine.] Wonderland's decided to drag you into this whole mess, so whatever is happening back there is on hold. Can't spend time worrying about that when there's shit to do here. [Like kicking Taako's ass into remembering her. That's first.] This place has everything you need. Rooms are all on the upper floors, just pick an empty one and go wild.
[a pause, Lup just working to even out her breathing, finally meeting the other woman's gaze.] But y'know, you can come back to mine and hang with me for awhile. Wouldn't mind the company. [Which is the closest Lup will come to saying she's been lonely.]
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[She's sure of it. She doesn't know the full circumstance, but she-- she knows. She thought it would only take her a year to get the relics back. She knew how each of them worked, and being the only one with knowledge of them, along with previous intel about where they were last seen, should have made it easy. But the longer it took, the worse it got. The more she lost all control, until she lost her 20 years in Wonderland. She had been so close then, she thought, so fucking close, all for nothing.
She knows something about the destructions of best-laid plans.
Lucretia can't smile, really, with everything that's gone on. But if Lup doesn't turn her away, if Lup wants her, she will never send her off alone. She slides her hand across the floor, lightly intertwining their fingers.]
Lup, I've missed you for so long. I could never turn you away now.
[Somewhere quieter, for the two of them. She has no doubt the discussion will continue eventually, but all her aching heart wants is to be home.
At least now she has it here.]
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Hella. [It isn't full of her usual spark, but she'll get there again. They can both come back from this and fix whatever lingering hurt remains between them. Lup just needs a little extra time to shake something this big off of her. Losing Taako has been the only thing on her mind since she arrived. Finally having an answer for why he didn't remember her was both a relief and just more added worry.]
C'mon, let's bounce. [Still holding Lucretia's hand, Lup pushes herself up off of the ground and helps her friend to her feet.] You can crash with me as long as you want.
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But Lup seems so real. And Lucretia finds herself so, so desperate.
She keeps her hand in Lup's, rising with her, but tugging her a bit across the foyer.]
Let me get my things. It wouldn't be safe for me to leave that staff just sitting around, after all.
[A Grand Relic, especially with nearly the entire Light of Creation inside. It certainly shouldn't be left unattended. But... she also doesn't want to let go of Lup. So she brings her with, scooping up her staff and journal one-handed, pressing it to her chest. It's a bit clumsy, but it works.]
Let's go.
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But Lucretia kneels to retrieve her items before she's looking back at Lup expectantly, her face aged but her eyes just as familiar as ever. Lup has time. Maybe not all the time in the world like they'd all felt during the early cycles, but she has plenty of time to ask what she needs to later.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow she'll ask.
For now, the elf curls her fingers around Lucretia's hand and tugs her once she's ready for her, already heading towards the stairs that will lead to her room.]
First things first, Luce. [Her heart is impossibly heavy, but Lup can't help the way her mouth curls.] We really need to have a chat about that outfit.
[Whatever happens, Lup has a feeling they'll end up fine.]
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It's weird, to think about that. To tie your identity so heavily to another person, to think of who she is only in relation to someone else. But she's been bouncing off this image of her so long, this persona she's had to keep up to save the world, that having even a moment of safety between clasped hands is the best relief she can ask for. She exists in the dichotomy of the items clutched at her chest- her journal, of her past, and the staff, of her future.
Right now, Lup's hand in hers is more important than all of that. Whatever is coming for her at home, if it is truly waiting, it can wait. It's selfish, but she's taken nothing for herself in so, so long. She'll take this, and give what she can, even between the subtle sting on her face from other places Lup's hand has been today. But a step at a time can be taken. Lup wants to find her way back to Lucretia, and in her desperation Lucretia will let her.
Maybe she shouldn't. But she will.]
What, you don't like it? I think it's rather fetching.
[And she follows, dutifully. They've been in unfamiliar situations before.
They'll work it out.]