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[video] it's the new hot librarian morty
Jun. 21st, 2018 11:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wriggedywrecked[Rick is standing in the front door to the library, drinking from a hip flask, which he pockets as soon as he gets the recording to work.]
Alright, motherfuckers, g-get ready for a bullshit walking tour of the new and improved library. Gonna keep this brief because I barely give a fuck a-about any of this. You can direct all questions d-directly to my ass.
[He burps loudly, then turns his phone around and opens the door. The library within looks...for the most part unchanged. It's still the old style and the old set-up of chairs and tables and stuff. You can practically smell that good book stink through the video. The most immediately noticeable difference is that it's now populated with a bunch of smallish robots. Most of them are glorified roombas, scooting along the carpet looking all adorable and all. The others are a bit larger and look like mobile trashcans with arms, and appear to be restocking shelves. They're surprisingly quiet for robots--no beeping or whirring.]
Okay, as you can see, d-didn't have to change much. Basically just kept everything as it was and added on to it. The robots do cleaning and reshelving a-and other bullshit menial tasks, and they're d-designed to be quiet and unobtrusive. Until some fucker comes in who isn't quiet and unobtrusive, then they're authorized to drive said fucker out. They h-have tasers.
[He doesn't sound like he's joking.]
[Rick then turns down a hallway and walks a bit, robots scooting out of the way as he goes. He opens a door to what appears to be an insanely advanced computer lab, though there are still some microfilm and newspaper viewer things in one of the corners.]
Computer room, whatever. S-Server room is in the back. Don't bother the server robots. They bite. A-Anyway, if you can get any computer games from the closets or whatever, these machines w-w-will run anything. They already have Solitaire, Freecell and Minesweeper installed.
[Rick then turns and walks back toward the middle of the library, where there's a big ol' desk. It has a placard on it that says "Security Desk."]
So, what's running all the systems in the library is a hyper-advanced AI. Sh-She'll be in charge of security. She can deal with any p-piece of shit who tries to damage the library or damage other people in the library. Assuming she sticks around during events, sh-she can also lock the place down and turn it into a safe zone. But except during emergencies, the library is a no fire and no weapons zone. Light a fire, even a f-f-fucking match, or brandish a weapon, and she'll put a stop to it. Sh-She's authorized for murder. There are military-grade defenses embedded in the wall and c-ceiling and she won't hesitate to use them if she or the library feels threatened.
To demonstrate...
[Rick shifts the camera around to face him and the desk, then digs into a pocket for a book of matches. He strikes one with his free hand. An instant later, a somewhat ghostly blue hologram of a vaguely female human appears behind the desk. When she speaks, it's with a suspiciously familiar voice.]
"Sir, I must request that you immediately extinguish your open flame, or you will be forced to do so."
[Rick licks two fingers and pinches out the match. The hologram lady smiles.]
"Thank you for your prompt cooperation. Please enjoy the library. Friendly reminder: I am watching you."
[The hologram disappears and Rick clears his throat.]
Her name is E-L. Don't fuck with her. D-Don't try to hack her, either. She's authorized to brick whatever machine you use to try, and/or murder you.
Lastly, the new official librarian is around here s-somewhere. He's that pony guy, Sunset Whatever, S-Sun something. Sundial. I don't fucking know. Y-You can ask him for further details.
That's it. Library officially updated. Rick out.
Alright, motherfuckers, g-get ready for a bullshit walking tour of the new and improved library. Gonna keep this brief because I barely give a fuck a-about any of this. You can direct all questions d-directly to my ass.
[He burps loudly, then turns his phone around and opens the door. The library within looks...for the most part unchanged. It's still the old style and the old set-up of chairs and tables and stuff. You can practically smell that good book stink through the video. The most immediately noticeable difference is that it's now populated with a bunch of smallish robots. Most of them are glorified roombas, scooting along the carpet looking all adorable and all. The others are a bit larger and look like mobile trashcans with arms, and appear to be restocking shelves. They're surprisingly quiet for robots--no beeping or whirring.]
Okay, as you can see, d-didn't have to change much. Basically just kept everything as it was and added on to it. The robots do cleaning and reshelving a-and other bullshit menial tasks, and they're d-designed to be quiet and unobtrusive. Until some fucker comes in who isn't quiet and unobtrusive, then they're authorized to drive said fucker out. They h-have tasers.
[He doesn't sound like he's joking.]
[Rick then turns down a hallway and walks a bit, robots scooting out of the way as he goes. He opens a door to what appears to be an insanely advanced computer lab, though there are still some microfilm and newspaper viewer things in one of the corners.]
Computer room, whatever. S-Server room is in the back. Don't bother the server robots. They bite. A-Anyway, if you can get any computer games from the closets or whatever, these machines w-w-will run anything. They already have Solitaire, Freecell and Minesweeper installed.
[Rick then turns and walks back toward the middle of the library, where there's a big ol' desk. It has a placard on it that says "Security Desk."]
So, what's running all the systems in the library is a hyper-advanced AI. Sh-She'll be in charge of security. She can deal with any p-piece of shit who tries to damage the library or damage other people in the library. Assuming she sticks around during events, sh-she can also lock the place down and turn it into a safe zone. But except during emergencies, the library is a no fire and no weapons zone. Light a fire, even a f-f-fucking match, or brandish a weapon, and she'll put a stop to it. Sh-She's authorized for murder. There are military-grade defenses embedded in the wall and c-ceiling and she won't hesitate to use them if she or the library feels threatened.
To demonstrate...
[Rick shifts the camera around to face him and the desk, then digs into a pocket for a book of matches. He strikes one with his free hand. An instant later, a somewhat ghostly blue hologram of a vaguely female human appears behind the desk. When she speaks, it's with a suspiciously familiar voice.]
"Sir, I must request that you immediately extinguish your open flame, or you will be forced to do so."
[Rick licks two fingers and pinches out the match. The hologram lady smiles.]
"Thank you for your prompt cooperation. Please enjoy the library. Friendly reminder: I am watching you."
[The hologram disappears and Rick clears his throat.]
Her name is E-L. Don't fuck with her. D-Don't try to hack her, either. She's authorized to brick whatever machine you use to try, and/or murder you.
Lastly, the new official librarian is around here s-somewhere. He's that pony guy, Sunset Whatever, S-Sun something. Sundial. I don't fucking know. Y-You can ask him for further details.
That's it. Library officially updated. Rick out.
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