+ some wonderlands are kind

[ Bill the Lizard is not building. Bill the Lizard is lizarding, sitting on a large rock in the sun. He looks out at the lake, thoughtfully. ]

They've got a whole nine wrapped together, no wonder you can't remember your place neither. Set a foot in one, end up in another, snap of ye finger, goes just like that. Goes they'll all stumble together, and end up here, too. What a right mess that'll be to paint over. Shine like the stars, that's the one, shine like all the stars, like it'll be worth to fight over.

[ Thoughtfully his tongue flicks up and down, and licks the side of his face. ]

Won't compare to her I tell ye, she'll be a right proper treat soon enough-- Aw, but that'd be peeking all right, bad enough we don't got a working door for her right away--

[ Bill flicks his tail and perks up. ]

No. No, listen good, lads, listen, ye hear? Dress up nice and warm, that'll come in well and good later!

[ A window. A set of blue curtains. And a tumble of fabric crashing to the floor, just as the video begins to play. Billie emerges from the cerulean folds, and sets her bow right with a flick of her tongue. ]

Sugar and spice and... puppy-dogs' tails? That how it always used to go?

[ She frowns, and looks between the curtain around her, and the set draped over a chair nearby, flowery and rose and just waiting to be hung up. Billie flicks her tongue again, in that very thoughtful lizardly sort of way, and puts the old blue drapery between her teeth. ]

Reckon we can keep the curtains, don't mean it's all different.

[ Billie the lizard climbs the window with a curtain between her teeth, sounding just a bit muffled there. ]

Like me mum, she always said: "Billie," she said, "Billie, put down that hammer, a proper lass don't build no summer garden gazebo!" But did ol' Billie listen?

[ She curls herself around the curtain rod, and fixes the decor right up. ]

No ma'am, she did not! [ But she beams, proudly, when she hangs from the rail by her tail. ] Makes ye wonder, don't it? If I just had. If I just had...

Looks worse than I remember, reckon it serves the lot of you right.

[ Somewhere, on some floor, at the edge of some window, Bill scurries along the frame and across the glass, the pitter-patter of his little lizard feet fast and angry. Voice harsh like that too, makes for a strange change in the reptile. ]

How're you talking? What's all that then? What're you doing? Get down there, get over here, put down the brush, you can't fix that, you're a lizard!

[ He squints at the window glass. A green blur whizzes across the screen: One moment the sound of cracking glass is heard, and in the next the window's shattered completely, glass raining down the mansion wall.

Bill lifts his lizardly head with a huff, and scales the building up to the next window. ]

Gripes and gripes and gripes all day, that's what I gets for me help, that's the thanks, thanks and ta, Bill, don't want to hear you no more, don't want to see you no more neither, that's the reward! But you'll see, you'll see where you'd be alone, you'll see and you won't like it one bit!

[ Harsh words? Cold words? Drafty words to be sure! For the next hour after this transmission all the windows in the mansion will either be cracked, broken, or completely gone. Once the hour is over they'll regenerate, and everything will return to normal. ]

[ The feed shows a huge painting, stretched across an entire wall. Blades of grass in green and greener, and here and there a rock, a twig, a patch of earth. And in the middle of it there's twigs and leaves, a simple bed dug into the ground, filled with dozens and dozens of white-speckled lizard eggs.

In front of the canvas sits Bill, exhausted and cheerful, and paint-stained amidst empty tubs and dirty brushes. ]

Make you feel right at home, don't it? You smile, and the whole world smiles with you. Might take good care not to have too big a cry then, eh?

[ Bill chuckles. ]

Me mum used to say that, bless her heart, didn't have no green left for her in the tub. Used it all on the meadow, see? Wanted to get it real home-like, Bill's brothers and sisters, the whole lot. And look, look!

[ Bill's tail points up, at this and that egg in the picture. ]

Cousin Frank, 'course he'd sneak right into the picture, that old lout, just- just like he'd do back in the days!

[ He laughs. ]

Right precious moments that were for sure...

[ The rooftop is not quite what it was just a few minutes ago. Because in the blink of an eye Bill the Lizard has started construction on-- on a haphazard pile of wooden logs and planks, which are vaguely shaping up to look like a tower of some kind.

On the very top sits Bill himself, balanced precariously on a loose pole. ]

Up and up and down we goes, all nice and good if I makes it to the top--

[ He moves, and the pole moves with him; quivering, rocking and rolling, and finally slipping down, all the way from the tower, from the roof, and to the ground below.

With a startled yelp Bill makes the jump to safety, if only just. ]

Whoop! Not so nice and not so good neither, what falls down!

[ He laughs a nervous lizardly laugh. ]

Might just be best for a fella to stay right where he is, eh? Long's he can, anyway...

[ What a wonderful day, Wonderland! Not only is the sun shining, not only are the trees and flowers sprouting the first hints of their bloom, no! The snow is finally gone, and all across the grounds the grass is luscious and green and- and moving. Rustling. Shaking with all the force--

With all the force of a standard-size hammer. Being dragged slowly up one of the Checkerboard Hills. By a standard-size lizard. ]

'Bout time, 'bout time, heeeeeere we goes now. [ That's awfully poor manners, talking with a mouthful of hammer! The lizard quickly lets go of the wooden grip, and smacks his jaw a few times. ] S'cuse me-- [ He sticks out his tongue, and rolls it back in. One last smack, and he's finally looking mighty pleased with himself. By lizard standards, anyway. Probably. ]

That's all better, right it is. Keep back there, ye hear me? Don't nobody come over snoopin' while Bill's at work; don't want ye lot go tumblin' over me tools, or wander all 'round and go get nails stuck up yer foot, or watch yer step none and get a plank to yer head, or tumble over me tools, or tumble me tools, me-- Me tool!

[ A speech so moving, it's even gone and moved Bill's hammer to slide all the way back down the grassy slope. He follows it flailing, tail and limbs all waving about, until the grip is back in his mouth. Mumbling with a mouthful of tool he makes his way back up the hill. ]

Me too late, eh? Eh? That'll be the day! Gots here just in time, I did, gonna make it look just right on time! "Bill," I says to me own self, "Bill, go on, make the Queen proud"! And lookit, here. I. Am. Right on the dot, all right on schedule, all in a day's work that is. You lot, don't ye worry none, I'mma fix it all right up, right on the dot right on schedule, right in a day's work, right... right... left... right, right again, don't wanna get a prick of me own nails, ha!