entranceway | [video ]Just a normal dude being normal doot doot

[Okay, so, Wonderland. Got it. Cassie loved that book, especially the creepy stuff. His little girl, right there!

[Nothing too creepy yet, but, hey: he dropped acid in college: he's so ready.

[ No one knows who he is, and there are precisely ZERO Baskin-Robbins here (you bet your ass he checked) so his secret is safe. So this is his big chance, time to make a fresh start. Right. He's got this. Eye of the tiger. Be the change. He's sure there's a cliche for it.

[The point is, maybe this is a good thing. No, it is a good thing. He's got this. ]

So. Uh. Hi. [He managed a cheezy smile and car salesman's hand wave.]

I'm Scott....[Aaaand his mind goes blank. How do people do this? And why is the first thing that comes to mind 'and I'm totally not an ex-con'?

[It's not that hard, Scott. Just, you know, sound normal. Whatever you do, don't sound suspicious or like you're trying to hide anything. Because what do you have to hide, right? hahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh.]

...and I'm completely normal. [NAILED. IT.]

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Okay, that's pretty messed up.

I don't remember that in the book.

[A laugh.]

Please don't tell anyone here to call you whatever they want. You'll probably regret it.

[She pauses for a quick moment.] Drat. I thought I was the first one to throw that Completely Normal dad-joke at you. Apparently not...

This whole place seems to fail pretty hard at being kid friendly.

And drinking doesn't help stuff. Just makes you want to throw up when you look at it.

[ Of all of Scott's MANY character flaws, he'd never turned to booze. Hey, when you don't have much to be proud of, you grab onto what you can. ]

So, anything else need to be 'updated'?

I'm more of a technical manual guy myself.

Wait, did you say protecting the planet? [ Hey, they're in the same line of business! ]Me too!

Sixteen?

[Oh. ]

Hey I know the feeling. You'll be glad when you're older you look young. [That is the oldest, daddest thing he's ever said and he kind of wants to punch himself for it.]

Point is still the same: you're pretty sharp. It's supposed to be a compliment.

Trust me, there are humans who are not nerdy at all.

[Like JIM. Grrrr.]

I'll have you know I have plenty of nerve. Extra nerves. I'm so nervy I store nerves in a special pocket dimension for when I need them.

Look, I'm not exactly able to judge you on anything on that list.

Except the pug smuggling. I'm having mental images of the logistics and they're Not Good.

Okay, okay, that's physically impossible. I mean, even if you have a stroke or something, the word's still in your head. Neuroplasticity. You can get it back.

[Not his strong suit, but he does know some neuroscience. The parts where they're almost like machines.]

The logical question: anything from, you know, our world?

Yeah? I think my daughter has a book about your home.

I think she thought it was boring as shit.

[Cassie's his little girl! ]

I don't remember that part of the book.

[Then again, he kind of slept through English class.]

So, people do go home, right? Are this place like...done with them or something?

[This is an awesome guy, what are you thinking? ]

They're the same stuff. [Says the guy who is anti magic and has never actually seen any.] Look, if it follows rules, it's science.

[Oh my god this is the worst conversation he's ever had. Dipper groans and covers his face with his hand.]

I'm going to look this way forever because people don't age here. And I know I'm sharp. But it's not cause I'm a kid, it's cause I'm me.

Yeah. But I can't tell you what. [That's the really frustrating part.] It might be something I never knew much about to start with. You can feel when you lose it, though.

Well... not exactly. People can get sent home, but it's really random... Same as who it chooses and when. Some can stay for months, or even years... others can return without any memory of this place.

We've kind of seen it all. All the different ways people intro themselves. I mean, I've been here four years and in that time someone's set the library on fire, flooded a room with nacho cheese, and knocked somebody out, so. People have freaked out, clammed up, cried. We get all the weird. No one tries to hide it, really. So, you know, someone apparently trying to convince us they're normal? Comes across as the weird thing.

[Clearly, the most awesome guy. ]

That's a ridiculous way of thinking. Lots of things have rules that aren't science for one thing, and for another, if you don't have magic in your world, how can you decide how it works?. It's rude.

Yeah, it doesn't work like that. If anyone here experienced things like that in their world, then you're likely going to deal with it here as well.

[A long beat.]

How large is this ant?

[Nageki shrugs.]

I haven't seen it. But... humans didn't destroy Earth, either.

[There was a war between humans and birds, though.]

[She snorts a bit, and shrugs. Hey, it's not for everyone.]

I mean, I'm not the best welcome wagon, but I've been here a couple years. You looking for something specific? Or just hoping for anything?

Your daughter is a smart kid.

[He doesn't even like kids that aren't Groot, but that one clearly has an idea of what's good.]

considering monsters like me are just regular people where i'm from, i'd actually agree.

[Big ol' wink.]

[Hook, line, and sinker.]

Neither was kidnapping lots of people from different worlds and holding them hostage! It's terrible! I miss my family so much!

Oh I've met them. Usually not the type you want to get to know.

[Usually because they're trying to hurt people.]

Sounds like quite the special power. [He shakes his head with a laugh.] So, Scott, I'm Garrett. Have you gotten the whole 'Welcome to Wonderland' speech?

What? Somebody's gotta put a bunch of purebred pugs in barrels and smuggle them across the US border! They're fine - they like all the attention.

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[video ]Just a normal dude being normal doot doot

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