entranceway | [video + text] science ladies part deux

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[video + text] science ladies part deux

[Peridot seems to be broadcasting from… a barn, which if anyone has actually seen her and Lapis’s room makes total sense. She has a whiteboard behind her that has a lot of squiggles and equations that make perfect sense to her.]

Claude, hold the camera steady. [Offscreen, there is a meow. Claude is doing no such thing. The only reason the camera isn’t moving is because the kitten has not decided it’s something to play with yet. Peridot is still satisfied that she’s being heeded and clears her throat.]

Greetings, fellow prisoners of Wonderland. Some of you may be aware that since my arrival I have been seeking to understand the machinations of this place we’re trapped in. Some of you mistakenly believe this is merely a planetoid or a world composed entirely by magic with no other explanation, and you just accept that, which is exactly what the clods in charge what you to think!

But with the latest upset as of two months ago, it’s clear that my theories were right all along. This place you call Wonderland is merely a simulation, and our current bodies are highly detailed computer simulated projections, while our physical bodies are in stasis. I’ve adjusted my theories to allow the inclusion of magic into the nature of this place, but the overall theory remains true. Accompanying this broadcast is an account of some of my findings. I hope you’ll enlighten yourselves, allow yourselves to expand your thinking, and also thank Entrapta for her own growing research into the Core. It’s about time this matter was handled by true geniuses.

[Yeah. Anyway. She pauses dramatically and waits for the camera to turn off, presumably on Claude’s own power, which is asking a lot of a lazy kitten. After a few seconds of her standing there and sweating, she sighs, marches over, and turns it off herself.]

WONDERLAND SIMULATION EVIDENCE PART ONE

FACT: Wonderland is comprised of a very limited area.

A careful observation of Wonderland’s boundaries have shown that if one tries to travel too far in any one direction, you will suffer a horrible fate, and then be returned to this mansion, suggesting there might not be anything else beyond that point. There are no signs of invisible barriers or any indication that anything else could exist beyond that point. Wonderland is, and then by the time you reach a point where you could find out either way, you black out and return to the mansion. And probably die. Data is inconclusive. I will accept volunteers to test this.

If Wonderland were a planet, there would be indications of other life outside of its barriers or even a sign that there are barriers at all. As a simulation, keeping people from wandering too far off the grid is a natural defense mechanism for the system.

FACT: Events are created from brain data mined from the people trapped inside

We’ve known for awhile now that events are specifically gleaned from the minds of those within Wonderland. There has never been a recorded case of an event occurring when the person whose mind it came from wasn’t present, so it only utilizes the data of people it is actively tormenting.

If we are in fact in perpetual stasis, then our brains are constantly being scanned and analyzed to create new events meant to test us in some way. Reexperiencing traumas, forcing other people into situations we’ve experienced, and so on. Why else would this happen if not for data analysis purposes? We've seen Wonderland's ability to create things based on nothing but itself, so it can, logically, do anything. It seems to be specifically picking moments or places of significant interest in our lives and using them against us.

FACT: Events are announced unless there are unforeseen circumstances

Events are planned. Wonderland might be made up of code, but the beings who announce the events are real, likely servants of whoever is in charge of the system. Take Alice for example- she’s like us, but she’s been so long hooked up to the system that she’s basically a part of it herself. The Dormouse informed me that Wonderland controls the so-called “Residents.” It decides when and how they can appear even though they have their own minds and opinions, and it can unmake them.

So the Residents are forced to announce the events. They can’t change them and they can’t offer direct answers. There’s a similarity to the Residents and gems from Homeworld, but that’s another discussion, and mostly speculation. This will be elaborated on in a further report.

The point being that events aren’t random. They are planned, announced, and then executed within a specific timeframe nearly perfectly every time.

FACT: Wonderlands physical make-up can change at will to suit an event

Even if we consider magic, an entire space cannot change into something else without there being an element of technology. If Wonderland is a simulation, then altering its code on a whim is easy for whoever controls the program. I feel like this argument speaks for itself- I have yet to hear an explanation that can explain both that and the fact that our bodies and minds are physically altered during some events with only slight emotional distress, and no physical distress at all.

FACT: No one stays dead in Wonderland.

Organic beings die. Lines of code manifested by a mainframe tapping into our brains and allowing us to project simulated bodies that think and feel like we do… Do not. Honestly, it’s comparative to what happens when a Gem becomes too damaged and has to reform. When someone in Wonderland dies, their consciousness returns to their stasis form and then returns, free of damage. The five death rule could be a hard limit on how much the system can reset your simulated organic body before there’s drawbacks.

END WONDERLAND SIMULATION EVIDENCE PART ONE

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I think they're part of it, but in the same way we're part of Homeworld.

[She looks up at Lapis, and there is a deeply uncomfortable expression on her face, like the mere act of spitting that out was somehow more difficult than it had to be. It was in her report and it was easier to type and just leave hanging, but saying it is another thing entirely.] Everything he told me... It felt familiar somehow.

[Oh. Hmm. Lapis thinks to her own scarce interactions with the residents; if she tries, she can see it. But from her standpoint it's not as clear, and there are still some pertinent differences. Besides, she knows how Peridot will get when things hit her in the empathy.]

We left Homeworld. We changed.

[Whether they wanted to or not, in fact! Maybe they were made to act as parts of it, but then it turned out gems had always had it in them to be more than that, so when removed from that context they only came more into their own. The boundaries boxing them in were subtle and deceptively fragile, and, to a good extent, made out of lies. If Wonderland is a simulation, or even if it isn't -- can its pieces even move beyond its borders? And how independent can they be if their boundaries actually are real?]

We did, but I don't know if they can be. I'd like to figure it out, but...

[But she has a sneaking suspicion that it might be fruitless, and if it comes down to beings she cares significantly less about and beings she actually does care about, then the answer is obvious.] It's not a priority and it can't be a priority. It just makes me... feel bad.

[And she's still not good at processing things that make her unhappy, except through the occasional abstract morp. It's easier when the only person hurt is herself- displaying her broken tape recorder, for example- but when other people are going to be hurt by her choices and she's actually spoken to them enough to care, she feels... small. It's easy to not care about faceless entities. People you've spoken to, on the other hand...]

[Yeah, there it is. Lapis doesn't feel the same way; she's even had glimmers of relatability from the residents, but unless they were to really set off her personal baggage that's not enough. She can't believe they're on her side, and she can't afford to care about them. She does care about Peridot, and would like more than ever to avert her feeling bad, but Lapis just doesn't have anything reassuring to say about this.

Well, these are serious matters, and heaven knows they've learned by now that sometimes those things do need to be addressed. Slowly and deliberately, she sets her communicator aside once and for all, next to Claude who after working so hard has begun a new nap, and speaks quietly.]

What about the Mirrors?

[She makes a catlike sound to put Claude to shame, showcasing her uncertainty the longer these lines of thoughts are probed and she doesn't have her tablet to hide behind- metaphorically. Literally, she is hiding behind the tablet.] I think they have to come from us. Like... copies of our digitized forms, but altered in some way, to stay within the theory. They're real and... Not real. They're just us, but different enough to not be us at the same time.

[Which is, honestly, how she justifies her friendship with M'Lapis, even now. It's just Lapis in a different set of wings, and always has been. Not better or worse.]

[Lapis is silent another long moment. Peridot's discomfort is obvious, and it's never a good sign when she doesn't want to talk about something, but in this case Lapis already knows some of the reasons. She's not terribly comfortable with it either, except that in her case she's already so uncomfortable with everything that it can apparently function as some sort of stable equilibrium. It's very hard to find the line between 'addressing what needs to be addressed' and 'just making everyone feel bad', and she's prepared to lay off if needed. But she's going to have to ask sooner or later.]

What's she like?

[And there it is. Peridot knew it was coming, logically, in some form or fashion. It's, perhaps, not the worst way to ask the question, but she doesn't have an answer that isn't "she's like you, but-"]

She's exactly like you. At least... She's what I see in you. [She picks at the corner of her tablet. Emotionally, everything she likes about M'Lapis are things she already loves about Lapis- they just come easier to the Mirror, and that's fine, but it means more from the real Lapis. She has to work for that kind of bliss.] She's just had different experiences, and she's... Kind of also trapped in a mirror in her own way. It didn't feel right leaving her alone.

[That seems like the tip of an iceberg, even if it's also perhaps cutting to the heart of the matter. She's not exactly like Real Lapis, clearly; it certainly seems like the Mirror herself would object. What Peridot sees in Lapis, meanwhile, is already such a mystery that she hardly knows how to parse that.

The thing is, she avoided thinking about this for a long, long time, but she can't anymore, and there's even more to catch up on than she would have guessed. But more than that -- despite the discomfort and the hurt and the existential dread, Lapis finds that she is honestly just curious. That's rare enough in its own right. Only she doesn't want to be too hard on Peridot, and as always it's strange to find herself on that side of things. She's not sure how to navigate that balance of pushing and reassurance. Maybe...?]

Do you want to sit with me?

[Peridot is still picking at the sides of her tablet like she can pull it apart with her fingers if she tries hard enough, face scrunched up like she's expecting Lapis to be hurt. It's not a good feeling. She and Lapis have come so far, but there's an unyielding guilt within her that says she messed up in being kind, which is strange and a slap to the face of everything she learned from Steven.

It's weird is what it is. She's still learning. She's still trying to define things.

She perks up immediately when Lapis invites her to sit with her and the tiniest of smiles, lopsided, shifts into her expression.] Yeah.

[Clutching her tablet to her chest, she bridges the distance and climbs to sit beside Lapis, scooting into her space a bit, so that they're physically touching. It feels natural to not keep a small distance between the two of them, anymore.]

[Yeah, that's an improvement. They're here and solid and together, and nobody's leaving. Lapis knows she's not good at being reassuring, so it's better to have something a little self-working. And she likes feeling Peridot there too.]

You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but... I want to know.

[If her Mirror is a version of her, then she wants to know what that means. If it's really just some person who manipulated Peridot, then she wants to know who that is. Either way, it's turned out to be something that concerns her after all.]

No, it's fine. It... doesn't bother me. I'm just worried it bothers you that I made friends with her and didn't tell you.

[And that doesn't seem to be the issue, but maybe Lapis got distracted and forgot that's the problem... Or maybe it's less of a problem than Peridot thinks it is. Either way, they're here, present in the moment, and talking and if there was ever a time for full disclosure it's now.] I didn't want to- erm- hurt your feelings.

Of course it bothers me. It's just -- I want to understand that too, okay? I don't even know what to think right now.

[Admittedly, Lapis herself is also dully surprised that she's not more worked up about it. Or about the encounter with her Mirror in general. M'Lapis was the one who rejected any kind of amicable understanding, right when Lapis was really trying to deal with things reasonably; M'Lapis hates her. Doesn't that just reinforce every concern about Mirrors? As people who are intrinsically the enemy, hostile and hateful and manipulative?

The thing is, her Mirror, the thing she didn't allow herself to even think about for so long, has represented a far more deep, creeping, existential fear. And seeing her in the hard-light flesh, she was unpleasant and uncooperative, but really just... petty. A person. Not necessarily a person Lapis wants to deal with, but in its own way, that's a relief, right when she could resolve to deal with things reasonably. She'd like some more of that understanding as well.]

Neither do I! [It's more petulant than anything else. She has no idea what she's supposed to do after actively apologizing. It'll turn out all right in the end. She knows it will, but it's so strange and awkward right now.]

She shouldn't have just run off like that. We all could have talked it out.

[Which cuts to the heart of something that bothered her, because she expected it to go better than it did for all that she was dreading the inevitable confrontation, and thus put it off when she really shouldn't have. She's skirted over the whole "I hate Real Lapis" aspect a lot, but to the best that she was aware, M'Lapis never actively tried to turn her away from real Lapis.] She just never wanted to talk about you, and so I didn't, but she wasn't just insulting you all the time.

[Or if she was, Peridot was obtuse about it. Honestly, maybe she was obtuse about a lot of things, looking back.]

[Yeah, there's that too. Lapis is hypothetically the hurt party here and all, but it seems like both of them have a lot to sort out. There's just so MUCH to sort out all around. And she indeed doesn't trust any of this M'Lapis stuff, but some of that comes from Evil Mirror Stereotypes, some comes from Lapis's personal baggage, and some from what she has legitimately observed and experienced; it's very hard to separate that out.]

She never... you know, did anything weird?

[Or evil, or whatever. You know, Mirror-y.]

Not really. She was... chill. [She seems uncertain of the word, because it's something she's heard from Amethyst and never really properly applied to a situation or person before, but she thinks she has the context right.]

Which I realize is infuriating in its own right for you...

[Lapis is not chill. Lapis is not well-adjusted. And Peridot, stuck in the middle, finds she likes the flawed Lapis more. She still doesn't like the idea that she'd have to fix.] I like her, but... She's not you. She's like... like someone took all the things about you that make you complicated and polished them away, and I like that you're complicated.

[Once again, a lot of this seems to end up being about the real Lapis, in ways she doesn't feel able to fully grasp. And Peridot is operating on a lot of underlying understandings that very well may be right, but which Lapis only has a limited picture of. Maybe M'Lapis being chill DOES infuriate her, but it's weird to just be told that when she hasn't entirely conceptualized it. And maybe it's gratifying that Peridot accepts her being 'complicated' (which seems like an awfully diplomatic choice of phrasing, except Peridot doesn't do diplomacy) but... well, that in itself has its own complications.]

Okay, pretend for a second that you're not talking to me. You don't get to say 'she's like you.' What's she like?

[This is one of those questions that she might regret in a moment; Lapis has already learned that having people tell her about herself is awkward. She is capable of self-awareness, but this is more akin to... shall we say, the sapient faculty of recognizing oneself in a mirror. There are several reasons she may perhaps have trouble with that. But there's something about it still keeping that that under-exercised curiosity of hers awake.]

Oh.

[It seems to be the word du jour for her today. A monosyllabic acceptance of her own shortcomings in conversation, and an acknowledgment that she is going to backpedal. It takes her a moment, because honestly Peridot is not a master of abstract concepts anyway. It's easy to say M'Lapis is like Lapis but not, because she has Lapis to base her comparison on. Lapis knows what she's like and Peridot knows what Lapis is like based on her vision of her.

And it occurs to her that maybe her relationship with M'Lapis wasn't as deep as she thought because she's having a hard time conceptualizing her as anything but an extension of Lapis that isn't quite right.]

She's irreverent and- and playful. Relaxed. She isn't bothered by anything. She isn't worried by anything. She's just there to enjoy things. I think.

[Because boy was she worried and bothered by that last encounter.]

[At Peridot's side, Lapis snorts lightly. It's neat being able to feel the slight movement of that, isn't it?]

That sounds like the opposite of me.

[Which is what Mirrors are sort of hypothetically supposed to be, but anyway, that's a joke. It's not fully true anyway. Lapis can do irreverent and playful, and has been known at times to relax. She's even made progress at not being bothered and worried by everything ever, which is essentially why she's able to poke fun at herself. Is the polar opposite really something she has in her, though? Is it even desirable, all things considered? Is that what Peridot 'sees in her'? But Peridot says she likes this way better. That's slightly more successfully flattering now, in its weird way.

But it's not a revelation, or penetrating enough to hit through to the Real Lapis and get awkward, so that's a relief. She's up for learning more about this right now, but sorting through all the implications is a bigger project.]

I must have really upset her.

[Like, it wasn't R'Lapis's fault and she doesn't feel bad about it, she was good, but that sure is an observation to make.]

Well... [Is that not what she was saying? (It wasn't. Not entirely. And she gets that now.) And it takes her a second too long to realize that Lapis was being funny and her laugh comes out strained and a little bit too late.

The laugh peters out when the situation doesn't become awkward and Peridot relaxes, herself. When she learned empathy from Steven, she learned it hard. She's the most at ease when the people close to her are.]

I think she has... problems being a Mirror. Even if she's real and has her own feelings and goals and everything, she's still just a reflection, and I still haven't figured out how that's supposed to work when we sort out the program. The Mirrors might just stop existing, entirely.

[Man what weird stuff to think about, now that she is actually able to do so. And what a weird prospect for the future. Lapis obviously has no particular liking for M'Lapis, and she's not really prepared at this moment to sort out whether she could feel a little something about a version of herself(?) ceasing to exist despite that. Though it seems pretty clear that Peridot would, drama or no.]

If you do sort it out... [Which, TECHNICALLY, Lapis still neither believes nor disbelieves in, but good enough.] Do you think we'd still forget?

You mean when we leave? [Peridot kicks her feet a bit.] Theoretically? We'd have control over it, so maybe not. I hope we don't. I wanna remember all of this.

[And she definitely doesn't want to have to start over with Lapis. The two of them have come so far...]

[Lapis sighs.] Me too.

[Mirrors aside for the moment, it's taken a long time for her to be able to say that so plainly. She still hates Wonderland, but, no, forgetting it wouldn't help anything. Also she's already done the going home without memories thing and it didn't work out well. There is, indeed, far too much that would have to be started over.

Anyway, Mirrors inside, it seems like an important distinction, if they're going to stop existing. Maybe all the moreso if they really are somehow expressions of the originals. But quite a lot about them is still up in the air, so who knows.]

I met yours once, you know. The whole thing seemed a lot simpler then.

Edited 2019-03-20 20:10 (UTC)

That's because she's awful. [Oh, now she's going off. You've done it now, Lapis.] It's not even an interesting or new take on me. It's just the old me. What, Wonderland? Was I not worth at least something different?

[good tbh. The whole thing is unnerving nonetheless, but that reaction is also a lot simpler. It's kind of a relief at this point, and Lapis chuckles.]

Yeah, I definitely like the real you a lot better too.

[Though viewing Mirrordot through the lens of all this junk about M'Lapis could still kind of raise some questions. In Peridot's case, her Mirror obviously IS something she had the potential to be, since she's already been there and done that. Does that Mirror also have her own potential to be more? Do either of them really? Is she also trapped, in the end, by a limited existence as the mere reflection of someone else? Whatever, they can have another thread about that sometime. Whew.]

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[video + text] science ladies part deux

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