entranceway | 13; video

Entry tags:

13; video

[Souji's MIA since Sunday morning. He hadn't thought to warn anyone about where he was going, since it wasn't supposed to take this long.

Now, Souji's lying on his back on his futon, on top of the blanket and fully clothed. The device is on the floor to one side, capturing a very boring feed of Souji not moving.

At all.

Then he gasps, the sound strangled, his chest heaving like he's never breathed before. He opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling for a minute before sitting up, moving as though his whole body aches. One hand goes to his head and he sits there, disoriented for several minutes before getting up and walking out of frame.]

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[Minato also steeled himself, having already sharpened his weapon.]

You can't expect me not to do something about it if I can.

If you can't respect your friends enough to let them make their own decisions, how can you help anyone at all?

I can't help you if you're dead.

You aren't a messiah. Not everyone can be saved. Not everyone wants to be saved.

[There.

There it is. Leave it to Souji to be the one to tell him. To tighten the wires around him and yet tell him that it was completely pointless.]

This isn't home. Wonderland isn't the Fall. And you did the same damned thing.

I make my decisions and I'll suffer the consequences for them.

[When that is all one has to go back to, to go back to that consequence, the final consequence after the final decision, it is hard to break free from that. It was hard to break free at all.]

I chooseth this fate of mine own free will.

[Right. Minato had been taught that before.]

... But it isn't as though your decisions only affect you and you alone.

I'm aware of that.

So why did you say it that way?

Because when you killed yourself, you weren't the only one affected, but you dealt with the consequences yourself. This is exactly the same thing.

Then what do you want me to do?

I'm wondering the same thing.

I didn't like what you did, but it was your choice and I respected that. Why don't I deserve the same consideration?

If you're following me...

[........ If he still had been.]

... Then why didn't you see what happened so you wouldn't do what I did?

I wanted to see for myself.

[Fair enough. Everything was fair enough. Everything about this conversation was Minato's fault.]

You act as though I'm not allowed to be upset.

[...

Souji sighs and looks away.]

What do you want me to say? It's done and it can't be undone.

[But that is the exact reason why Minato was upset. It was done and can't be undone.]

If I respect your decision to kill yourself, can't you respect mine for being upset over it?

It's hard to when that means treating me like a kid who's disobeying the rules.

[...]

It's also hard to respect someone who can't even look at me when they tell me that.

[Fine. Souji looks at him.]

You could have lectured me over the network.

[Minato stopped himself. He could've said a lot of things. As if that would've made Souji listen any more than being in person. That all Minato is good for is lecturing and treating people like they can't make their own decisions. That maybe Minato should just leave because apparently caring or helping isn't what Souji wants and isn't what Minato's doing in the first place, and who would want anything from him, right? It isn't as though Minato can actually do anything anyway. He's dead.]

... I wanted to see that you're okay.

[And alive. But he could've easily just checked the network, as Souji had said, saw Souji breathing, and left it at that. Maybe that would've been better.]

[Souji lets out a breath, like he's letting out some tension inside of himself, and he smiles a little. There's relief in his smile and a little self-deprecation and an apology, too. That Minato worried about him makes him feel warm inside; he hadn't wanted this to devolve into an argument this way and he hadn't wanted to invalidate anything Minato was or had done. He had reacted defensively to what felt like an admonition, a vote of no confidence in him, when he knew that he was capable of taking care of himself, even when it came to death. But that wasn't what it was and maybe it was only because he'd still been in shock at reviving, expecting an attack because he hadn't told anyone what he was doing or why, that he'd seen it that way.]

I'm sorry.

[That he worried Minato, that he'd upset him, that he'd hurt him with the things he'd said.]

Thank you for coming in person.

[It's not a dismissal. It makes him happy, knowing he has such a good friend in Minato. He hopes he can live up to that.]

[Minato nodded just slightly, and it was his turn to look away instead, but not too far, just at the floor for a second or two. Souji had been right though about everything. Minato trusted Souji's judgment, opinions, and of course his decisions; perhaps that was something he actually needed to say out loud more often or express it somehow if he could.

And Minato hadn't wanted his obsession over other people's suffering to then overshadow their own strength or potential, now that he realized what he had been doing. It was detrimental more than beneficial. He could have blamed it on his journey as he could easily and probably had done before, but again, Souji was right. This wasn't home.

He had to find the right balance, although what was exactly right was something he had to figure out on his own. But that was okay. He could think of it like another journey.]

I'm sorry too.

[For the same reasons. For everything here and everything that he had done before. He smiled just a little too, almost reflecting the same expression Souji had shown him, except less relief and more instead something along the lines of self-reflection or self-awareness, something that indicated that he had learned something new and wanted to hang onto it for fear that he would forget it had he been pulled back into darkness.]

I believe you and in you.

[He believed in Souji in ways that he never believed in anything else, not even in himself. He also hoped that Souji knew that, even if he never said anything about it so directly before. If anything, it's Minato that hopes he can live up to Souji and that he hopes he never lets him down again.]

I think...we both need to be more careful.

[Souji's hand is on his hip again, his posture relaxing though his expression is pensive, serious. He speaks his thoughts as they come to him, and though he doesn't falter or hesitate, the words are slow. He's unused to sharing what's inside him in this way.]

This isn't home, but that doesn't mean what we do means nothing.

I couldn't have done what I did at home if you hasn't gone ahead of me and did what you did. Even here, if we take our strength for granted, we might lose it forever.

[Now that they had more of their powers back, a smaller fraction of it, it was still more than what they had started out with. Minato nodded, listening carefully as he also grew pensive.]

We can't afford to lose it.

[Not if they still had things to do here and at home, however they may be affected once they did go home, when or if they did.]

... Even being careful sometimes isn't enough.

[Also not to sound so uncharacteristically cynical. He was only thinking out loud too.]

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