06. [action/voice/text]

[not_a_troll]

[Since his brother isn't answering all the messages he is sending him Loki finally gets out of his bed to go to him. It is not that he is able to avoid the conversation he needs to have with him. He walks through the hallway and stops in front of Thor's quarters, knocking the door a couple of times.]

Brother? Are you inside? We need to speak.

[When there is no answer he contemplates to walk back to his own room but instead he opens the door to take a look inside.

It is empty, except for a closet and a bed. As if this room has never belonged to Thor in the first place.]

Brother...?

[Eventually Loki leans against the doorway and stares into the room, arms crossed. He knows very well its useless to start a frantic search. Or ask any other denizen of Wonderland for help.

He lets out a long sigh and turns around to walk off. But that walk turns into a run and eventually he is racing through the hallway, finding his way to the attic and up to the roof. He should not cry, Loki did not cry, but this might be one of those exceptions because once the tears start rolling he is not able to stop them anymore.

He runs to that far end where you can sit and look out over the forests, leaving his communicator a couple of feet away from him. It is on, but the only sound others can hear is the wind and very soft sobbing in the distance.

His brother killed him and left without a word.]


[[OOC: Feel free to encounter him in the hallways/the roof or laugh at the gross sobbing he's doing. He got himself killed during the event when Thor slammed him into a wall and Loki kind of broke his neck there.]]

Comments

[doesntmiss]

No. [Funny, how a single two letter word can weigh like a ton of bricks.]

No, I haven't. Sorry.

[He does get a bit closer to the window, now. Crying children were just the worst.]

[not_a_troll]

He could at least...tell me goodbye.

[He clenches his fists and finally straightens his back.]

I am not angry with him.

[Finally he gets to that point that it has no use to wipe the tears away. And when he speaks his voice gets louder and a bit more frustrated.]

I want him back.

[doesntmiss]

This place... doesn't really let people get parting words in, looks like.

[Hell. It stings just to hear the boy like this. Finally, Clint climbs that roof, too.]

[not_a_troll]

[While Loki climbs the roof he returns to wiping his eyes again. The moment where he reaches the top he turns around.

He hesitates, debating if its wise to trust Clint. After all...Thor...
But Loki cuts that train of thoughts off immediately.]

He should know that...I hold no anger for what he did. He wasn't of reason, it was foolish of me to approach him.

I can't say this to him.

[Wasn't everything his fault to begin with?]

[doesntmiss]

[Clint, still at the edge of the rooftop, just crouches there for a bit. He won't approach abruptly. Doesn't want to, anyway.]

Wait, slow down. What did he do?

[not_a_troll]

[Loki huffs and wipes his eyes, taking a couple of steps back. He tries to make a right decision. But the words come out even before he could carefully think this over.]

He took my life...and left.

[doesntmiss]

[And for a moment there Clint just... just stares. Curses, barely audibly, under his breath.]

He-... [he what? But then Clint remembers.]

Because of the fog?

[not_a_troll]

[Loki nods shortly and turns around, walking a bit further onto the roof. He still remembers his brothers face quite well, even though he died. The last thing he has seen was his anger and his disappointment.]

...I do not know what to do.

[He sounds sincere, and he actually is. Because honestly, he really doesn't know what to do with all of this. It hurts.]

[doesntmiss]

[Clint follows, his steps habitually silent. He's not sure what to say, what to advise.]

Sorry.

[He's not that good with words.]

[not_a_troll]

[Loki walks up to the edge of the roof and sits down. He is at a loss. Slowly he pulls away his black hood and moves a hand through his hair afterwards.]

Do not be sorry.

[He moves his hand over that part of his neck that kept feeling rather stiff after he woke up.]

I do not deserve your apology.

[doesntmiss]

And why's that?

[He walks over. Finally sits down behind Loki, his side turned to the boy.]

You haven't harmed me in your life, kid.

[not_a_troll]

[Loki fights to not give in to self-loathing or bitterness, since those were the same emotions what turned his older!self into the horrible person he had been.

But it is surprisingly hard right now. He is in doubt if he is responsible for the fog when its obvious that it has been this realm's doing.

So he cries. The kind of crying where he is not able to stop his shoulders from shaking with every sob.]

[doesntmiss]

[Clint looks over to him, and doesn't know what to do. He just doesn't. He can't make himself give the boy a hug or anything like that, to be sure. So instead, he tries to find words. It's slow going.]

The fog wasn't your fault either. Thor... losing it like that. Not your fault. You know... I heard him. Didn't want to be anywhere near him though, not the way he was there.
Makes you a lot braver than me, you know. To try anyway.

[not_a_troll]

[Loki listens to Clints words, looking at him. This was this realm's doing. Not his fault, after all, Loki did not possess any magic to do such a thing.]

It has not been an act of bravery...

[...Then why did he doubt this so? Why did he actually believe all of this had been his doing?

When he talks he feels the overwhelming urge to cover it up with lies. But what comes from his lips is everything except a lie.]

...it was one of trust.

Because he is my brother, he is the only one who sincerely trusts me.

[doesntmiss]

[He goes quiet for a moment, at that. This, he can only answer sincerely, but not directly. It's too close to home.]

You think trusting doesn't take courage?

[not_a_troll]

[Loki thinks about the thing Clint says to him and stays quiet.

Instead his fingers move to trace the shape of the communication device and finally he just throws it down, watching intently as it tumbles down all up to the point he cannot even see it anymore.

It would probably find its way back to him anyway.]

To trust me takes courage. Would one trust the god of lies, Clint Barton?

[Loki shakes his head and moves to rub his nose.]

You will not, just as no one does. After all, it is my nature.

Despite that, my brother did.

[But all he remembers now is his anger and the accusations from his mouth. The frustration and that sad, disappointed undertone in his voice. And Loki is not good at emotions at all. He bottles them up instead.

In the end all he just wanted was to have his brother back, despite everything. It was a childish need for something that just is not meant for him.

All he could do was deal with it.]

[doesntmiss]

[Clint watches as the device descends. He can't quite tell if it shatters down there, can't see where it hits the ground, and the wind obscures any sound it may have made upon impact.

He listens to the boy's words instead. Takes a moment to reply as well, just to sort his words out. It's not hard to imagine what Thor saw in the fog, what he fears most. Why it was that he killed the boy.

Why it hurts Loki so much more that his brother is gone now.]


To trust anyone when all anyone shows you is distrust... that takes courage too.

[He looks into the distance. A far away place. The distrust of the SHIELD agents was nothing compared to what Loki went through in Argard. But it was there none the less. He didn't imagine he was able to imagine what Loki was going through. Just that he could relate, an infinitisemal bit.]

[not_a_troll]

[He moves to rub the bruise on the back of his neck a couple of times while he thinks about Clint's words.

What follows is fitting to a phrase from a film he has seen once. About Midgardian teenagers and their problems. They referred to it as 'wordvomit'. His voice is soft when he speaks.]

Back home, in Asgard, in order to save everyone I orchestrated my brother's demise.

One could say, I have killed him. I wanted to be of help and...I did save everyone. Yet it is my fault Thor had to pass on.

[He huffs.]

And in this wretched realm he returned. Alive. And he forgave me.

It is only fair that he did this to me. After all, I have done the same to him.

[Loki is looking at his own fingers, not at Clint's face.]

[doesntmiss]

[Clint listens patiently. He doesn't mind the kid talking this out. It can help, he knows, and it's only a little bit of a shock to realize that Loki trusts him enough to say these things.
Or maybe, for him, that doesn't really take trust.

But he watches the boy.]

He forgave you though. I figure that's what counts, right?

[not_a_troll]

[Talking is not helping. He feels rather confused and Clints words do not help. He notices he is craving for presence but yet he wants to be left alone. Slowly he gets on his feet, rising to stand.]

I shall take my leave.

[He huffs as he wipes his nose. Letting out a shivering sigh.]

I will see you later, Clint Barton. Yes...?

[After that he turns around, still fighting back tears and deciding it is wiser to just lie down and wait for the sadness to leave.]

[doesntmiss]

Sure. Take care, kid.

[He says nothing else. Watches, for a moment, as the kid leaves. He's too lost in his own thoughts right now, and knows there's nothing he can do to help. So he stares into the distance and wishes there were houses there, skyscrapers, people to go with them.

But there aren't. It's just this. Just Wonderland.]